How to kindly ask for your money back

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Adrienneehawkins:  I’d tell them that you regret to say that it’s not going to work out, and you’re going to have to cancel. All depends on what’s in your contract too.

Post # 4
5905 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Adrienneehawkins:  ….your contract dictates all cancellation and refund provisions, review that and reference it in your e-mail if aren’t going to hurt their feelings, its business.

Post # 5
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Adrienneehawkins:  i agree with pp.  check your contract.  is the venue aware that you have 150 guests??  how and where did they expect to accommodate them all?  i would definitely bring up that point in the conversation.  hopefully you will be able to come to an agreement.

Post # 6
2173 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@erinbacher:  +1

Yep, just say something to the effect that you really wish you had been able to use them (it sounded like you did), but unfortunately you decided to go in another direction.

Hopefully your contract will allow them to refund you the money.

Post # 8
3661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

What have you paid them up to this point? If you paid a deposit, it’s likely non-refundable.

Post # 9
1644 posts
Bumble bee

This is a business deal, so “seeming rude” is not an issue. You don’t worry about seeming rude when you choose to buy a Mars Bar over a Milky Way bar — even if the Milky-Way bar has very sensitive feelings. Your problem is going to be whether or not you can get your money back, having already entered into a business agreement. The venue may not be under any obligation to give it back — it depends, as so many others have said, upon your contract.

Of course, if it is in their interest to keep you satisfied as a customer, they might return your deposit even without the direct legal obligation. This is where it helps to be an established hostess with some experience under your belt before you start planning a major party for a hundred and fifty. If you are able to say “I cannot use your venue for this party, but it could be perfect for my club’s annual general meeting next year … ” then you are still a customer even after this contract is cancelled, and they may retain an interest in keeping you happy. Vendors often take advantage — perhaps unconsciously — of clients who are young and insecure, and who are worried about seeming rude when they should be focussing their business acumen instead. So study your contract. Know where you are entitled to certain rights, and where instead you are asking a favour of the vendor and need to have a few bargaining chips in your back pocket. Then be confident and businesslike: worry more about professionalism than about “etiquette” in your business dealings, and you will do fine.

Post # 10
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you’ve only paid a deposit, most likely you won’t get that back. Deposits are generally non-refundable.

Post # 11
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

Is your wedding date correct?  If you have tied up their calendar and paid a deposit, I wouldn’t think they would refund your money 6-7 weeks out.  They wouldn’t be able to replace your business in such a short time span.  

Now, if your wedding date is incorrect, then you may have a much better chance of getting your deposit back.  I am surprised the contract doesn’t cover this.  Having 3 married daughters, I have gone over my fair share of venue contracts and every one of them stipulated that the desposti was non-refundable, and the cancellation fees depended on how far out you cancelled from your wedding.  If we would have cancelled any of their weddings less than 90 days out we would have been paying for the full cost of the reception.  That was at 3 different venues.


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