Weddingbee boards

Do not contact the groomsmen.  This is between you and your FI.  If strippers are an issue for you, you need to talk with your FI and come to some agreement.  At that point, he can ask the groomsmen not to schedule any strippers or whatever.  But he's the one you need to trust--not the groomsmen.  After all, if you talk to the GM and they promise no strippers, but then there is one, you're not really in a position to do much to them.  And it would be unfair to punish your FI if you had gotten promises only from the groomsmen.  And it would be even worse if it was a GM making a promise to a BM.

I agree with others you need to talk with your FH about how you feel about strippers. And about what crossing the line is to you.

If they are deff going to a strip club and its somewhere local why not have a girls night and go out to the bars and check out the club they are going to. A lot of girls I know always HATED the stripclubs until they actully went and saw what it was really like. Another thing to remember is the girls at the club only want the guys money, they could care less about the person they are dancing for.

I agree withthe pps.  honstly, I'm upset for you with how your FI is handling this.  He's passingthe buck.  He doesn't want you to talk to him b/c he doesn't know what is planned and has suggested you talk to his GMs?  That's setting you up to get more upset, and a fast track to be disliked by his GMs.  That wasn't OK. 

I don't know if he's a wimp when it comes to his friends,  (I know a lot of guys don't want to look PWed in front of their guys.)  or if he really does want to go to a strip club, but he is handling this all wrong.  You need to talk to him.  It is up to him to put his friends in their place.

It's ultimately not up to you to contact the groomsmen, as tempting as it may be. All this will do is make them dislike you or anger your fiance. I agree that you need to sit down and talk to your future husband and explain to him that it bothers you. If he truly appreciates and cherishes you, he will be perfectly content in giving up stripper time for something a little tamer like artbee's hubby did. 

I personally don't have an issue with strip clubs, but understand those that do. On my end, I told him:

"I have only three rules: no dying, no going to jail and the strippers have to stay in their natural environment (i.e. the strip club - no hiring for a hotel room show). Those are mine for you, and to be fair they are the same rules I will follow. If there's anything that might happen at mine that would make you uncomfortable, you are free to add on to these rules with the understanding that your additions would apply to your party as well."

And when his groomsman tried to get me riled up, I told them the same 3 rules. Of course, they asked me if one had to be broken, which would it be? And I said "Rule 2 - I don't care if any of you go to jail as long as FH doesn't" (insert cute smile).

The best part was when they were planning the party and called FH to clear something, I heard him go "Um, no that won't work. It breaks rule #3."

I think that you need to discuss this with your fiance. However, I disagree that you should "lay down the rules." He's not a child and you're not his mother. You're an adult couple about to get married so you should discuss this together.

Tell him how hurt you'd be, how upset you'd be if he went to a strip club. Explain to him that what he does is up to HIM, not his groomsmen. But don't "lay down the rules." If he doesn't respect your wishes, that's a whole other issue, but telling him what he's allowed and not allowed to do isn't the way to go about this.

@Krises: I concur. Very well said.

You shouldn't have to tell your FI to be respectful. You should just trust him to be. It's not going to be the last time that he's out with his male friends.

I personally wouldn't be bothered much by strippers because they're just there to make money they don't care about "stealing" your FI - I doubt that a pair of for-hire fake jubblies is enough to ruin your relationship.

I like how Goldilocks1107 put it "no dying, no going to jail and the strippers have to stay in their natural environment"

I disagree with some of the posts. If you're not ok with it, you're not ok with it. It has nothing to do with not trusting him. In my book going to a strip club when you're in a committed relationship is disrespectful, I know some women are ok with it, I'm not, and I don't apologize for it. The key is that you and your FI are on the same page. I see way too many posts here where the guy goes to a strip club, the girl does not voice her opinion in advance, and then it affects her more than she thinks, she's left feeling hurt, angry and sad in a time ofher life where she should be happiest, and it puts a strain on the relationship. Moral of the story: Talk to him NOW. Tell him how you feel and how you're not comfortable with it. He can say no to his friends and change his plans, if he understands and cares for your feelings.

I do however agree there are better ways to get a point across to a man than telling him what not to do. Showing him your emotional vulnerability, explaining to him this has to do with your love for him and therefore discomfort in sharing him with others, work much better. I also have a fun game with DH. He knows my feelings on the subject so he would never go to one, but as an added bonus he gets a personal show and lap dance from me everytime he passes up a strip club/bachelor party offer. He almost waits to be invited to one now so we can play the game :)