- Neato anedo
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
I have been living on my own for the last 4 years and since I am staying in school am extra year for my Master’s, I will be roommate-less this September because everyone else is graduating and parting ways. I cannot afford to live on my own, and since I have 3 cats I refuse to live with a stranger. I know, I am OCD about it, but I worry about their safety with people I don’t know. I am 3,000 miles away from my family so they cannot help me. FH’s parents are highly allergic to cats so they are out, too.
Fast forward, FH and I decided that to solve this poblem, we would move in together. I know it is a very un-Catholic thing for us to do, but I could not see any other options. By the time the new lease starts, we will have been together 5 1/2 years, and engaged for 9 months.
FH’s mom is UBER traditional and a very strict Catholic, so we knew it would be hard to break the news. Still, I have always had a great relationship with her so I did not expect her to act out towards me, but rather to express her disapproval and move on. WRONG.
FMIL flipped out. Kept saying “It’s wrong, it’s just wrong”. We tried to explain that it was logistical, not because we are raging sex maniacs that can’t keep our hands off eachother (that is seriously what she thinks moving in together implies). She kept saying that statistics say we will get divorced (which is another argument because that is NOT what statistics say), basically that our marriage is damned. She hasn’t spoken to FH in a week… even though he still lives at home.
We go over every Sunday for dinner, and I was reluctant but FH convinced me to go. I tried talking to her to break the ice, and got stone-faced silence. No reaction. She refused to even look at me. She did not say a single word the whole 2 1/2 hours we were there, and got furious when FFIL started a convo with me (he is much less traditional).
I am a notorious panicker. I have terrible anxiety and stressful situations can easily give me panic attacks and/or chest spasms. This situation has given me both. At first, I cried. Then, I was furious. Now, I am just annoyed. I understand that she has strong convictions, but the way she has been treating FH & I is repulsive. I can’t believe a 50 y/o woman is stomping her feet and giving me the silent treatment like a 3 y/o.
I don’t want to upset FH… I know she is his mom. I will deal. But I can’t help but feel like my relationship with her will never be the same. I am admittedly a terrible grudge holder. It is a character flaw, but part of who I am nonetheless. I don’t feel like I can look at her the same way, even if she does eventually come out of this “funk”. How can I mend our relationship (assuming she is interested in having one with me any longer), and how can I look past her reaction? I don’t want to hold it against her forever, but I don’t know how to NOT take it personally.