Post # 1
Since I’m planning long distance, my mom keeps saying things like “there are so many people who want to help out and everything will be fine! You don’t have to do it all yourself!” While I agree with this, and its really awesome that my family wants to help, I’m having a hard time giving away tasks. I’m a perfectionist, as well as an artist, and that means my wedding is being meticulously planned, and I’m excited about a lot of what we’re going to do. But every time I mention something to my mom, she sends me an email the next day saying “i saw those cupcake towers you like, grandpa and I are going to make it”… and thats that. She’s starting to try and take things away from me, and its driving me crazy because I know things won’t turn out like I wanted, since I have no control over the product theyre producing. What do I do? She’s already trying to insert other colors into my wedding, sending me pictures from Walmarts and saying she’s buying these bubbles or these streamers, and I constantly have to reign her in! I already have bubbles picked out mom, no streamers! I sent her my inspiration board, and she just said “I don’t get it”. I’m trying to share my vision with her but she seems to “already know” what I want. BLAH! Perhaps this should have gone under emotional 😛
How do I fix this? Should I just do everything myself and stop telling her things? just let it go and let my wedding become a hodge podge of DIY projects that I have no control over? Eek!
Post # 3
I’d definitely stop telling her things, unless they are things you want her help with. Just tell her that you want the details to be a surprise to her on the day.
Post # 4
Your mom seems really excited for you. I would be happy for the help, but caution her to check with you before she purchases or does anything. Talk to her about your vision; she may just not be able to get it from your inspiration board. Let her know you appreciate all of your help, but remind her that it is your wedding and there is a certain look you are going for. Also, let her know that she may not see your vision right away, but as things start getting put together, it should be much easier for her to see what you are going for. Maybe figure out a list of stuff you would be willing to let her do with your guidance; be very specific in what you want and make sure you give it to her in writing, so she can refer back to it. Just remember, she is just trying to help and she is also very excited for you.
Post # 5
Ah I know how you feel. My FMIL keeps trying to get me to set a date for her and FSIL to come “help” me with my STDs. I’m a type-A perfectionist as well, so I hear ya!
I would approach your mom proactively. Instead of saying “No” all the time, I would set her a task like, “Mom, I’m searching for these pink-speckled votive candle holders, could you keep an eye out for me? Send me a pic if you find something like these” That way, she feels part of the planning (since it sounds like she’s really excited and wants to be super involved), she gets something to focus on and when she sends along her “find” you can accept or veto it.
I would hold back on some of the details that you want to do yourself and stand your ground if you really don’t like something. It’s hard to let go of the details but in the grand scheme of things, you’ll be happy to have your mom around for them 🙂
Post # 6
It wouldn’t be so bad if I was just there and able to work on these things with her, you know? I actually thought the cupcake tower was a good place to start, since my grandfather does build things and I think it would be a great way to involve them. I can just see my mom taking it one step too far and trying to “sell me” on her version of my vision by finishing the project before I get a chance to say no. She was on line ready to buy 6 cupcake stands that held only 12 cupcakes a piece before I told her that it was not what I wanted, although they were very pretty. I think I’m going to just start producing art for her projects, so she knows exactly what I want and there’s no way she can say she didn’t know 🙂
Post # 7
I had trouble letting go of wedding planning tasks (I still do) because I like to know it’s done when and how I wanted it. However, I’ve learned to let others help if I specify what it is I want them to do. It does take just letting go!