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I have a similar situation -- my grandparents would LOVE to come to my wedding, but it's a thousand miles for them, and they had a hard time making it to my cousin's in the next town over. I was thinking of having two lists in the program: "Those who are with us in memory" "Those who are with us in spirit" or something like that. Maybe to some people that just looks like two dead categories.
I'd appreciate ideas too!
My fiance will likely have only one of his two grandmothers attend the ceremony. We'll probably just list them together under 'grandparents of the groom.' I would think it can still be under a 'wedding party' section.
We also have a number of elderly relatives who will not be attending just because of the difficulties of travel. Its not easy for someone who has trouble getting in and out of a car to navigate through an airport. And if their health is fragile, the possibility of health problems so far from home can be very real. My FI's father had a stroke about a year before his death, on a trip across the state that he really never should have made, and thereafter unable to remember that he was at home. He would sit in his own living room and beg us to drive him home. His doctor indicated this probably would not have been the case had his illness happened at home - the ongoing confusion over location was caused principally by the fact that he knew he was away from home when he had the stroke, and heard so many people worry about the difficulties of getting him back home in the days immediately following the stroke.
It is terribly insensitive of you FI's family to imply that your grandparents don't love you, or don't love you enough, if they are unable to make the trip. I would be tempted to tell your FI's grandmother and the rest of the relatives that they can be a little more respectful of your grandparents and your relationship with them, or keep their mouths shut in your presence. Seriously, it shows a terrible lack of respect for you that they would say things like that in front of you or your FI. He should also step up and let his family know that their trash-talking about your relatives is not acceptable.
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I'm wokring on the wording for my programs, and am getting a little stuck with what to do with grandparents. I'm not sure if it's the same in other religions, but in Jewish ceremonies, grandparents walk down the aisle. Traditionally, you list the grandparents with the wedding party, and then have a little section at the end for "those who are with us only in memory" regarding deceased family members.
The problem here is that my grandparents are not attending the wedding and thus will not be walking down the aisle, but they are still living. My original design just left off grandparents altogether, but my fiance is adament that he wants his grandmother listed. My grandparents clearly aren't part of the ceremony, but I also can't toss them in the dead category with my other set of grandparents. I can't imagine not honoring them in some way on the program, but where do I put them?!
I want to minimze all the talk that is already going around and around about how appalled everyone is that my grandparents aren't coming to the wedding (according to my fiance's grandmother, they clearly don't love me). If this was held close to them, I am positve they woud come, but the wedding is in fiance's hometown, and it's too long of a trip for them to make at their age (they are significantly older than his grandmother). Everyone keeps talking shit about them and I am sick and tired of it. Fiance's mother thinks they shouldn't be mentioned on the program at all since they are not attending, but they mean so much to me that I can't do that. I also would rater not make a "Since they are unable to attend" section, as that would merely start more talk about how they can't make it.
Has anyone else delt with a similar situation? Any suggestions? Thank you!!