How to list parents on invitation (messy divorce, financial issues)

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Which parents should be on the invite?
    Just my mom and stepdad--they're contributing the most. : (2 votes)
    15 %
    Mom, stepdad & FI's parents since they're all contributing and it's nice to recognize that : (3 votes)
    23 %
    Mom/Stepdad, FI's parents, my dad--they're all our parents : (8 votes)
    62 %
  • Post # 3
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    You would list all parents, but we had a situation like yours and just put in together with their families

    Post # 4
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    @Salted_Caramel:  I found this online:

    Bride’s divorced parents are hosting // divorced parents are remarried // formal wording // religious location

    Mr. and Mrs. Zachary Richard Bronson (Mom and step-dad)
    Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Lewis Manning (Dad and step-mom if you have one)
    request the honour of your presence
    at the marriage of their daughter
    Amelia Rose Manning
    Mr. Liam Quinlan Cullen
    Saturday, the fifth of June
    two thousand and thirteen
    at half after ten in the morning
    Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception
    Syracuse, New York


    Post # 5
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @Salted_Caramel:  Our parents are divorced, remarried, and somewhat complicated.  We decided to leave them off the invitations entirely to avoid hurt feelings.  Our invitation read “Please join us barefoot on the beach as Bride and Groom are joined in marriage.”

    Together with their/our families is always a good option as well.  I think invitations look crowded and overly done when more than 2 sets of parents are listed.  List them all in the programs if they want their names somewhere; you can also add a special thank for their contributions in the program.

    Post # 6
    1157 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I’m not in the exact same situation, but somewhat similar.

    I think we are going to either list “with their families” or leave everyone else off entirely.

    For the record, though, we’ve already asked my parents (who are the only ones helping to pay at all) whether they would be offended if we left everyone else off or listed everyone all together and they don’t care at all.

    Post # 7
    40 posts
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Why not just do “together with their parents Salted Caramel and groom’s name request the pleasure of your company…” without having to include the names of your parents and his parents?


    Post # 8
    8387 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @Salted_Caramel:  Would it be possible to pay for the wedding yourselves?  That way you mom doesn’t have anything she can hold over you and your dad won’t feel guilty.  Plus, it’s soooo much less drama if you don’t accept money from other people, no matter how good their intentions might be.  Otherwise, something like “together with their families” might work.

    Post # 9
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    @MrsTate:  I like this idea best!

    Post # 10
    1463 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    For my first wedding we had formal invites and had divorced parents.  We just put “together with their parents.”

    Post # 11
    1527 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I do not like the togethor with their parents.  If someone is funding wedding, they deserve to get their names on.  If inlaws are paying for RD, their names go on that invite.  I do agree with the comment that to eliminate tension, dont take money from anyone.

    Post # 12
    330 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    “Together with their families, [Bride] and [Groom] request the honor of your presence/pleasure of your company/etc”.

    I had a similar situation; messy divorce between my parents, mom remarried for 10 years, dad with his girlfriend of 20 years, my grandmother contributing a lot, DH’s parents contributing, etc… It got too messy to start listing names.  DH wasn’t happy about it, because he wanted the very traditional wording, but I showed him how cramped it would look with all the names, or even with just my mom and dad’s names, since they had different last names, and he still was on the fence, so I told him, fine, you negotiate whose name goes where with my parents, and you can list it however you want.  He stopped caring after that 🙂

    Post # 13
    3394 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    We’re in a similar situation, and it’s kind of reassuring to know that others are going through the same thing as this was really troubling me today (we’re at the stage of finalising invitations too).

    Both my and FI’s parents are divorced, and my father is deceased. The idea is that we’ll split the cost of the wedding in thirds (us, his father, my parents) but his dad has been so difficult about the whole thing that my parents will probably end up paying the lion’s share. Rather than trying to list out everyone’s names and drawing attention to the fact that it’s a pretty fractured situation, we’re just going to go with ‘together with their families’ or ‘with our families’ depending on the wording.

    Post # 14
    1327 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’d also just pay for my own wedding and then leave all parents’ names off the invitation.  When people contribute financially, it gives them a say, and I just don’t want to deal with that.  If it means a longer engagement to save up for the kind of wedding I want, so be it!

    Post # 15
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    @Salted_Caramel:  In this situation, I wouldn’t list any of the parents by name.  Instead go with something that is all inclusive like “Together with their families, A & B request the honor of your presence as they exchange wedding vows … (followed by the date and time).”  That’s what we did and it worked out well.  No one had any complaints.  I’m also a child of a messy divorce with parents who contributed different amounts.

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