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I'm not sloppy, but I'm definitely not the neat freak of the relationship. He is so organized that I feel like a slob being around him sometimes! Everything has it's place in both of our eyes, but he puts stuff away when he's done and I tend to leave my clothes behind the bathroom door after a shower for a day or two and throw my plates in the sink. I've learned to be more conscious about where I leave things and he's grown to know that my stuff will eventually be put away. It's all a learning experience!
Has your fiance actually been diagnosed with OCD? If not, I would suggest he go to a psychologist because it truly does sound like he may have OCD. Sounds like he has issues with contamination and his rituals for dealing with that take up a lot of time.
I would say if he agrees to go and does get diagnosed or is already diagnosed then maybe you could go to a psychologist together and they could help the two of you work this out.
I agree with Bamboo. This does not sound like your typical "he's a neat freak and I'm messy" situation (which is where I am). This sounds like a diagnosable condition that could be helped with counseling, but quite possibly not without it. I would ask him gently if he would consider going to talk to someone about it with you.
As a peson that formerly had OCD, please ask him to seek help and support him through this. He has OCD, no question about it. I ended up being on two medications for about 9 months and that was 11 years ago, been OK ever since.
FI is super neat and I just do "my chores" and if he goes behind me and does them again then so be it. I try not to think of it as a personal attack and just realize he likes things a certain way.
i agree with the others, he should definetly seek some professional help. first of all, my brother has ocd, it sounds like you're describing him, and oh wow more power to you for having the patience for putting up with those behaviors! it's not about you being sloppy, it's about what's going on in his head. he might resist going to therapy or a doctor because it's scary to think about not doing those behaviors anymore and not having the thoughts that he's used to having, and if he is like my brother he won't want to take medication because he will be scared of how that will effect his body, but for the sake of your relationship i would start that conversation.
Thank you all. It never occured to me that he might have the real OCD but more and more I'm starting to believe it..at least it could be mild.
It's great to hear from people who have dealt with someone with OCD before.
I guess getting him to see someone might not be hard but him wanting to change might be a struggle. He seems to like his OCD way of living.
Hey Annie,
It does sound like your FI may have OCD. My FI doesn't have OCD, but he can be extremely anal about germs and such, so I can relate to your statements about having dates ruined by his behavior. For example, I have long hair, and a few stray wispy hairs usually fall in my face and cause it to itch. I am constantly brushing them aside. My FI turned to me in the grocery store yesterday and stated "you are touching your face too much!! You have to stop!". I knew he was probably freaking about germs. He also washes his hands much more than the norm. I even picked up a piece of litter on the street once to put in the garbage can and he was horrified I touched some garbage.
Your fiance may be resistive to you pointing out problems with his behaviors, because he already sees you as "not neat enough", so to speak. But he definitely needs to get some help. You are right, his biggest challenge will be making changes to his behaviors.
I will be thinking about you!
@Valhalla...that sound exactly like my guy! Touching garbage would make him go crazyyyyyy
I agree. Could you lovingly ask him to get some professional help with this?
It is a bit beyond just being a neat freak.
Hugs to you and a wish that you two will get thru this together :)
My ex wife was that way. She didn't like how I did certain things. But eventually I got used to her ways. I'm pretty clean person but there are few things I let slide almost daily.
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Unlike all you neat bees out there I’m the slob in the house. I’m lazy and clumsy and minimize the effort when I can. My husband must be the world's most extreme clean freak/OCD. He hates dust, and is so paranoid that something is “dusty” or “filthy”. Everything horizontal in our house is covered with plastic or some paper (when I complain he says it’s because he knows I’ll never clean the place to he’d rather have everything protected). He takes around 5 minutes to wash his hands and washes then so often…when he’s home we have to refill the foam soap by the end of the day.
When he comes home from work I can’t hug him until he has changed his clothes but preferable until he’s had a shower. He claims he’s sweaty and dusty. Some days even after he takes a shower he will take another if he happens to take out the trash (which requires walking into the garbage area) or decides the bathroom needs cleaning. We were on a date one day and after lunch he went to the restaurant’s toilet, and when he came out he was determined to go home and take a shower because the restroom was so filthy and narrow and his clothes brushed against the wall. When I took him to a sale he scolded me for touching anything that was not properly hung or folded since he feared it had already fallen to the floor and been stepped on. If he’s on his way to work and felt like something on him got dirty he will literally suffer all day… I think you get my point.
It annoys me so much he lets small things ruin the day like our dates had to end early, sometimes he won’t let me hold his hand (he has this tendency to feel like hands get so dirty) and he gets really mad at me when I am not as “clean” because he says his standard is total common sense.
A lot of our arguments start from this issue i.e. I lean on the counter in a public area, I bump into something on the street that he thinks is filthy, I was too clumsy and stepped on dog poo (we live in a dog neighborhood) etc.
We're driving each other up the wall. I try my best to adjust since I’m tired of him making a fuss/wasting our time but it's hard to think like a clean freak when you’re not. I do know he’s too extreme but I also know I am very sloppy-it’s in my subconscious!
How does one learn to be less sloppy?