How to make new friends in your thirties?

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I have the same problem! Hoping someone else as great advice! Lol. 

Post # 3
coyoteBee
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

Haha, I don’t have much advice, but am commenting to follow along. 🙂 DH and I moved from NYC to NC about 9 months ago without knowing a soul. It’s been very hard for us to make friends! The women that I work with are nice, but not people I can see myself hanging out with outside of the office. Have you tried meetup.com? I went to a few meetups when I first moved here and although I did not form any friendships out of them, I know other people have!

I don’t have much in the way of hobbies either, especially since we’re trying to save as much as we can to buy a home in the near future. But I’d love to hear what worked for other people. DH and I are so, so happy in our new city, but we joke about how we are getting sick of hanging out with just each other. 😉 We miss our social circle in NY and we don’t really know how to make one for ourselves down here.

PS. I will totally be your friend!!!

Post # 4
Member
4831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I moved across the country and now work from home, but I made a bunch of friends from joining a running group and book club!

Post # 5
Member
4831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Mrs. Coyote:  I would imagine moving from NYC to NC you would feel like everyone is so friendly!! I am in NC too, coming from the West coast, and I was blown away with how nice everyone was! We had people inviting us to our house for dinner the first day we met them!

Post # 6
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Good question! Posting to follow. I’m having the same prob. Moved many times in my 20s, now I’m in LA and it is hard to casually, organically develop a friendship. FI and I have been making an effort to invite acquaintances out more lately, hiking, brunch, etc. it has resulted in some fun outings, but no reciprocity yet. I just want someone to go shopping or hiking with.

Post # 7
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Mrs. Coyote:  

I’ve done MeetUp.co before! When I was single, I went hiking with a group. It was great!

But you know what there should be? MeetUp events for couples to meet new couples.

Finding 30’s young adult couple friends is way more difficult than I expected. It feels like that episode of How I Met Your Mother when Lily and Marshall search desperately for couple friends.

While I LOVE my friends, they’re all still single. Anyone in Honolulu need some couple friends?

 

Post # 8
coyoteBee
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

RunnerBride13:  Hahaha, my experience has been a bit different I guess. People are friendly in that they’ll help you out, engage in small talk, etc, but we’re finding it hard to make lasting friendships. And we’ve definitely never been invited over to someone’s house the first time we’ve met someone haha!

JackiBean:  There was one meetup group in our area for couples, but the organizer barely did anything and after attending a few events with no-shows we gave up. 🙁

Post # 9
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I have the same problem! It’s like everyone my age where I live wants to say in and have babies or go out EVERY night and still has that early twenties mentality. Something that has made me a few friends so far is getting involved in volunteer opportunities and organizations. Lots of young professional networking events in my area too which is great but harder to make friends at. Meetup.com is great, I’ve never tried it but my mom joined a sailing club through that and made a great group of friends! 

Post # 10
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

I’ve replaced friends with pets and cake 🙂 they’re more reliable

Post # 12
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Commenting to follow. Moved to a new state after marriage and want to make friends in this new city. 

Post # 13
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s rough. My husband and I have talked about how we would like more friends where we live currently. We have one couple that we’re pretty close with and we’ve actually become pretty good friends with our neighbors. But it’s not the same as our social groups in my home town.

Like anything else, the most reliable solutions take time and effort: church, athletic club, theater group, book club, etc.

Post # 14
Member
8916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Besides the hobbies and groups other people have mentioned, we also make friends through other friends. If you have some friends in your area who have multiple social circles, can you suggest you go out for drinks or have a BBQ and have them invite some other people? Even if you feel kinda socially awkward, just be friendly and after doing this a few times, hopefully you can be “real” friends. Start inviting them over, etc and they will likely reciprocate. 

And yeah it can take a while. I feel like we always have to live in a place for like 2 years before we have a solid social life!

Post # 15
Member
22 posts
Newbee

I just wanted to drop in and commiserate; I have the exact same problem. I’m 28, and I haven’t spent more than 2 years in any one state in the last 8 years. That’s meant a lot of inital loneliness, followed by slowwwwly making friends, and then, once I’ve finally gotten to a point where I have people to hang out with on a regular basis–boom. Moved again. I also don’t really keep in touch with people after I’ve moved (my thought being, look, if we’re never going to see each other again, what’s the point?).

Just wanted to chime in on the meetup.com suggestion. I agree, and I’ll be trying it again when I move again. However, I’ve experienced what a lot of people here have–you meet, make small talk, smile and nod a lot, and then it’s a total crapshoot whether you’ll ever see that person again. Then, at the next meeting, it’s a whole other round of the above with brand-new people. 

Anyway, point being: you’re not alone in that problem. I’ve found that it takes about a year in a place for me to make any meaningful connections. 

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