Post # 1
My uncle and cousin live with my grandparents. My cousin and I don’t get along at all and I don’t like her father much either. My grandparents are, at the moment, not paying for a thing except their room and board for a couple nights since we’re driving down to the beach for the small, 30ish person wedding.
Grandma knows that I don’t get along with my cousin, but will insist that they’re family and should be invited, especially since they all live in the same house. Grandpa will stay out of it. My “aunt” and “uncle” and “cousins” (Mom’s best friend and husband and kids) are invited, but none of my biological extended family. It’s all immediate family and close friends.
So how do I make it clear to my grandma that these two (and my uncle’s other child who lives with his mom) aren’t invited to the wedding?
I don’t want to start more drama, but I would rather elope and have no one there than invite them. (But we also don’t particularly want to elope).
Post # 3
Just tell her, clearly and in person.
Tell her that the wedding is so small and intimate that it doesn’t even include all family, just the closest ones. That you can’t wait to celebrate with her and your grandfather. That you really struggled with the best way to handle the how small the guest list had to be, and this is the only solution to your problem.
Don’t make it about excluding the uncle and cousins because then her insticts to bind family back together may kick in. Make it about a very, very small wedding and how you just couldn’t fit everybody and you had to make some hard choices, and so you’re keeping it to the family you have the closest relationship with.
Post # 4
Make sure the invitation is clearly addressed to only your grandparents, and if they RSVP’s for them and cousins, just call him and explain that there is room for only him unfortunately, but that you’re very excited he will be attending.
Although they may ask if another invitation got lost in the mail, etc.
If they question it further, you can tell them that based on budget restraints, you have chosen to have a small wedding with only immediate family.
That all being said,
I think regardless of what you say or do, feelings are going to be hurt (from the people not invited, and your grandparents). If you’re okay with that, thats fine as long as you’re aware and prepared for that to happen. Is it worth hurt feelings over not inviting them (especially because they live in the same house? Again, if it is worth it to you, then thats fine. I just thought those are questions you should think about. Obviously I don’t know you or the whole situation, and I’m not judging or saying “invite them”, I just thought you should be aware of that in case you weren’t already.
I would also have a contingency plan for if G’parents offers to pay for cousins, etc. “Unfortunately our venue will only allow the ___X____ number of individuals we are inviting”… you could also go with that from the start.
But just make sure the addressing of the invitation is clear, and maybe consider putting x number of seats have been reserved for you, to make it clearer.. although I’m not a fan of that.. I’ve seen it done many times, and I have heard many Bee’s do it.
Post # 5
@Ms.Meghann: I couldn’t care less about how the uncle and cousins feel about me, but I’m trying to hurt my grandma’s feelings as little as possible. Grandpa won’t care. He knows why I can’t stand them and will probably (quietly) back me up.
Unfortunately, I already have a strained relationship with my grandma due to said cousin, so that’s why I have to be as gentle as possible.
Post # 6
@mepayne: I didn’t mean to sound like I thought you should care… I just thought I should mention it incase you didn’t think of it (which has been the case in the past on WB).
Could you have one of your parents pre let g’ma know about the invite?
I think b/c you’re having a small wedding.. if it is approached properly it will be okay if approached gently… If you were having a 300+ persona wedding.. I would say, yeah she’s going to be upset either way.
I would tell her that you’re keeping the wedding very small, and intimate, and only inviting immediate family and not inviting extended family.
Post # 7
Just tell them, straight out, they’re not invited.