(Closed) How to mention to a vendor that it’s for a same-sex wedding

posted 7 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

Could you send an email that says you and your future wife would love to meet and discuss things? You’re dropping the hint without having to come out and say it. If they aren’t ok with it, they’d probably let you know in their response.

Post # 4
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i would call just say it outright — “by the way, we have 2 brides.”

eta: i agree, it’s horrible that you have to do this!

Post # 5
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry, I don’t have advice on how to do this because I don’t think you should have to!  Is the wedding in a close-minded or backwards area?  Because while I understand that there can be discrimination anywhere and you don’t want to waste time sitting down with someone offensive, YOU are interviewing HIM to see if his venue fits your needs, not the other way around. 

Post # 6
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

oh i don’t like this. that’s like asking permission for you guys to be married!  it’s their job to accept you, and it is discrimination pure and simple if they don’t.

Post # 8
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow I’m completely shocked that you even have to do this! I might not understand business but I would think any vender would be happy to host any function. Good luck to you!

Post # 9
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

As a same sex bride myself, I have been very up front with my vendors.  “Yo, this wedding is for a same-sex couple.”  Luckily everyone has been great, but I want to avoid any awkward moments that would likely upset me.  (And then I would have to cause a scene, and no one wants to see that!)

You don’t want to waste your time with vendors who are uncomfortable, and certainly don’t want to give them your money.  So I would just be straight forward.  Most people won’t care! 

Post # 10
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Honestly, I’ve just been showing up with my FI and treating it like they won’t discriminate us, and we haven’t had any problems. Are you in a more conservative community?

Post # 11
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

it makes me sad that you even have to worry about this kind of thing. what does it matter who is getting married? two people love each other and want to celebrate! and they want to celebrate in your restaurant! and that’s that!

but if you decide that you want to go forward with making sure the restaurant is ok with hosting, i agree with @SBourgeous: drop a hint in an email/phone call and see what they say.

Post # 12
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I agree with Sking. I don’t see why you should have to email in advance. Emailing a warning makes it seem like you have something to be ashamed about, which obviously you don’t. I’d just arrange the meeting, and if they have a problem with two brides showing up to interview them, then shake their hand and say it’s a shame they don’t want your business.

Post # 14
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@mrs.jk: Me too, I actually feel sad right now. Not in the way of “oh that is a bummer”, but in a “I really thought we, as a society, were beyond having to worry about that.”  Wishful thinking I suppose, or maybe living in the Bay Area lets me forget the rest of the world isnt so open minded???

Post # 15
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

When planning our wedding, I was quite matter-of-fact about the fact it was a same-sex wedding when talking to vendors.  I’d give my FI’s name, or say something to a bridal salon like, “We have two brides, so we want to get coordinating dresses.”  I didn’t exactly ask whether they had an issue with a same-sex wedding; I started with the assumption that they would treat us like any other couple.  However, if they had suddenly started sounding hostile, I would have been able to decide not to use them.

Oh, and I definitely agree you shouldn’t have to ask.  However, I can also understand the unwillingness to chance running into a firestorm.

Post # 16
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

You shouln’t hve to ask.

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