- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Tough situation. Why don't you want to invite the cousin? What would you say to the cousin if you had to answer to him/ her? Is this worth the disagreement with your folks? Are your other cousins coming, saying "yes" to their invitaitons?
The reason I ask so many questions is that we're in a similar situation. My fiance does not want to invite one cousin, a young man he sees as a mooch who is 24 years old, no job, going from house to house (currently at my FI's mom's house) just taking advantage of people. FI said he does not want to invite the kid, but I figure he'll COME whether or not he actually gets invited. As of now, we have not sent him an invitation and it's a point of contention whenever FI speaks to his mom. I stay out of it, like I said, I think I know what's going to happen.
On my side, I invited all my cousins and so far none are willing to make the trip. Guess I won't see them again until there's a funeral. That really upsets me. But not the point.
Um. Maybe I'm not understanding something, but wouldn't a "I'm not inviting that cousin" suffice?
No, "i'm not inviting that cousin" won't suffice since they already told me all or none. I ahve not seen this person in over 15 years and that's not long enough. Most of my out of state cousins will probably decline (which is my mom said all or none, most won't come) but I cannot even stomach extending an invite. It will be a fight, but there is no way I will send an invite. Just looking for advice. The problem is I am assembling my invites in australia then rather than putting international postage on each I was going to post them to my parents to stamp and mail. They will see there is a cousin missing. My brother knows and understands the issue, but my parents won't.
Well you have a couple of things going on.
1. Are your parents paying for the wedding? If yes, you might be out of luck. But the good news is that if he/she does go, you really won't have time to notice him/her.
2. You are at a disadvantage being in Australia. There is just a lack of control being away from the situation. And even if you don't send an invitation, whats to keep your parents from telling your cousin's mother it was an oversight. Of course he/she is invited.????
3. Whatever is keeping you two apart, do you feel the cousin would want to go to your wedding anyway?
Typically I'm in the camp of you should really invite relatives unilaterally. If there is serious reason why the cousin shouldn't be invited I can appreciate that. She's likely to have sticky fingers around everyone's purses (good reason). She stole a boyfriend once in eigth grade (bad reason).
I know exactly how you feel. Two of my cousins are not invited to anything I ever do ever, and if I ever saw them again I would not even speak to them.
I think you need to go to your parents and explain just how unhappy and stressed it would make you, both before and during the wedding, to have those people around or even the possibility that they might be around. I did this with my parents and they agreed to leave those two off the list and agreed to defend my decision to my Aunt and Uncle.
I think that may be the biggest problem. It may be your cousin, but it is the child of their sister or brother. I think it has to be a really big problem for you to warrant leaving them off, but if it will really make you miserable, do it anyway.
Of course, the other option is sending them an invite with the wrong date on it ;-)
YES my parents are paying. YES it's a good enough reason to not invite this person. I know if I stick to my guns I will have to explain and I really don't want to deal with all that. This person probably does not expect an invite, and I don't think would attend if invited.
I don't want to create a riff between my dad and his sister, but I truly HATE one of her kids. I have been considering paying the extra postage to send all invtes from here so my parents don't see who gets them and who doesn't, but it will be over $2/invite!! I sent all my std's to a bm to post, but I know I will offend my mom if I sent the invites to someone else to post.
I think that's a great idea. Shell out the bit extra for postage and do it from your place. That way you have complete control over who is invited and who is not.
So you're saying your parents don't know the reason why you hate this cousin, your parents don't even know about? Does your aunt know about it? From your mother's standpoint, she probably feels totally in the dark and can't understand the hang up. Are you sure you can't finally open up to her? You said your brother knows. So maybe you can tell your mom. (I just kind feel, like you said, that it's not going to gel unless she hears it.)
Are you sure paying the extra postage won't be a waste of money? If no one knows the problem, the aunt might call wondering why the cousin didn't get an invite, and if it was a mistake, bringing you mom into the picture again.
It sounds like you have two options:
- Let your mom mail the invitations and be forced into inviting the cousin.
- Have your bridesmaid send the invitations for you and offend your mom.
It's up to you to decide which option is worse. Either way, it sounds like your parents feel very strongly about it...will they invite your cousin for you, even if you don't send an invitation to her yourself? Are the cousin's parents invited? If so, will they just assume they can add your cousin as a plus one? Also, will your cousin even come, since you guys don't get along?
I would try to find a way to explain why you don't want that person there. The decision is obviously up to you, and i don't know that I personally agree with the common practice of inviting all of your blood relatives.
But I think this is something you directly have to speak to your mom about. Because even if you don't send an actual invite, there is still the possiblity she could call your cousin with a verbal invite, which would be even more frustrating for you I'm sure.
Good luck, I hope everything turns out well!
gable.jpg (6.6 KB, 23 downloads) 1 year old 
Hmm, maybe this is a bit underhanded, but you could put the wrong address on the envelope...vary it sligtly and it will get returned to sender. But if your parents are the return addressees, then you're back to square one. Otherwise, you will have to decide which options you hate the least: pay extra and post the invites yourself, send the invite, or tell your parents the real reason why you don't want to invite her.
I would lean toward sending the invite, personally. If you know she is not going to come anyway, sending it is not going to put you in any more contact with her than not sending it. And if your parents are the return addressees, then the invite isn't really from you, it's from your parents. Maybe thinking about it in that way will make it seem less like you are being forced to contact this person you hate?
I'm assuming when you send them to your parents to post that the invites will already be assembled and addressed. This is a bit on the deceiving side, but could you just mail your cousin an announcement of the wedding in lieu of an actual invitation? That way you're sending something to keep up appearances and just say the cousin didn't care to RSVP or whatever when you don't get a response from the cousin.
I'd stick to my guns on this one. I also have a cousin who will not be coming to our wedding. In this situation, however, it's my parents who agree with me. The rest of the family doesn't know yet that my cousin won't be invited, and my dad gets all riled up when the topic comes up and states that he will ''escort him out of the building if the loser dares to show up at your wedding"! We don't want a scene at the wedding, but our extended family has a tendancy to add invites for countless others to any event they go to. So, we'll do what we have to do. Armed guards? Lol
Well, have you told your parents the reason? If it's so horrible to you maybe it will be horrible to them.
I'm paying for my wedding but my mom is forcing me to be the bigger person and invite my one family branch that has done horrible things to her and to all my immediate family. She still wants to send an invite because "we're not petty, ignorant, idiots (like they are)" and "they're family".
If my guest list goes overboard...they're the first 5 gone! but for now, they still get an invite.
Good luck!
Well, for our wedding, we invited my mom's brother & sister, their spouses, and their kids and their spouses. We invited ONE of my dad's step brothers, all of his kids, NOT the other step brother, and 3 out of 5 of his kids. For my husband's family, we invited NONE of his mother's brothers, or their kids, and for his dad - we invited his sister, her husband and their kids. We did not invite his brother or his brother's wife. We invited ONE of their son's but not the other.
What it came down to was who we really wanted to share in our day. There was only one couple at the wedding that I didn't want there, but it wasn't bad enough to rock the boat. Our parents paid for the majority of our wedding, so we all sat down together and talked through WHY we didn't want certain people at the wedding.
I think that you need to explain WHY you do not, under any circumstance, want this cousin at your wedding. It might be a hard thing to do, but it's the only way your mother will understand.
wedding_039.jpg (2296.9 KB, 31 downloads) 1 year old pink.jpg (2515.3 KB, 26 downloads) 1 year old
Hi there...
I'm new! 
Anyway, I'm in the same boat. My mother is upset because I do NOT want my cousin to attend my wedding.
My significant other is on my side about this. I don't hate my cousin, but I don't like her either. She has no business being there. She wasn't invited.
My mother feels that we're both being unfair. Here's the deal...I don't wish to hurt anyone's feelings. However, this is MY wedding.
Being invited to a wedding is a privilege...not a right. I love my family, but there are a few reasons that they weren't invited. One reason being that they live in another country.
I can completely relate to what the OP is saying. My cousin is not pleasant to be around. We are not close. My mother is essentially saying that I have a DUTY to invite her because we're "family".
No, I don't. This is somebody who dislikes me. This is somebody who believes that I have a problem with her because she is overweight. It has never crossed her mind that it is her ATTITUDE I have a problem with.
She is loud. She is pushy. She needs to be the center of attention. She is not a bad person, but she isn't welcome at my wedding. It is my special occasion. If I wanted her to be there, I would have invited her.
There have been a lot of disagreements lately...my fiance is upset, my mother is upset, I'm upset. People need to back off and allow me to decide who I want to invite.
Maybe you could try explaining to your mother that you have valid reasons for not wanting to invite this cousin but would rather not go into the gory details. Make it clear that you are not willing to budge on the issue.
Would it be that bad for you to tell her your reason? Obviously without knowing the reason, I don't know - so hopefully it's not offensive for me to ask if it would be horrible to tell your mother about the reason behind your rift with your cousin.
Good luck with the situation.
UPDATE so I sent all the invites from here at a stamp cost of $2.05ea!! I spent almost $100 on stamps alone. But this way I got to "forget" to send an invite to the cousin. That was 4 weeks ago. NONE of the cousins from the same family have replied at all, and the rsvp date is June 5. My aunt said she didn't think any of her kids would make it anyway. But no one so far has said he didn't get an invite.
Go ahead and send the invite but interchange the numbers in the address or "accidentally" put the wrong street name. Only you will know that this was done purposely. I mean by the time the Post Office sends it back there is nothing that you can do about it, right...I know it's dishonest, but sometimes you have do what you gotta do. 
I totally feel and understand what you're going through. I have 2 cousins that I don't want to invite. When my Fi and I wrote up the guest list we purposley left them off. My mother started crying and being all dramatic about it. She knows why I don't like her neices and has seen how they treat me in public in front of her, but she says that we have to invite them because they are family. I put their names on there just to make her be quiet abotu it, btu we came to the compromise that if I invite them, she has to pay for them and they will not be allowed to bring their childern and they are to sit as far away as possible. I alsready told my FI and MOH to keep them away from me. After reading the posts on here I think I might do the "accidental" address mishap, that way I can truthfully day that I sent and invite but it must have just got lost.
I agree with everyone. I never thought of putting the wrong mailing address. Knowing my mom, she'd call and ask if they got an invite. Haha.
I am in the same boat, I have a family member or two that I refuse to invite. I will stickto my guns and hope everyone supports me.
im the same I invited an aunt out of obligation, now she might come, she's said many horrible things to my mom and my aunt (thats another story), but she fed me for a year
holy formatting.. ok, second try, tell your mom you will be uncomfortable with that cousin present, your wedding isn't a family reunion, etc.
candybar.jpg (1079.9 KB, 25 downloads) 1 year old 
My fiance linked this thread to me because apparently he's doing research on how to tell my parents that my cousin is, by no means, allowed to make an appearance at our wedding.
We live with my parents and after going over our guest list 100 times, my mom has tried 4 times to tell me I need to invite my one male cousin. Background story: In that family, my mom's brother has 3 children. Only one is invited because her and I are close - she comes to everything with her parents because she also has downs syndrome. She's sweet and I'm not sure that she can even possibly be related to her brother and sister who are downright rude and conceited. Her sister got married like 5 years ago and invited select people to the wedding - my other cousin, my grandmother, and her immediate family. My huge family took massive offense to this because of how she acted toward the whole situation. I could have cared less.
Of all of my 8 cousins, only 3 are invited. My mom wants me to invite this particular cousin who is the brother of the girl who invited nobody to the wedding. Well, I don't want to for numerous reasons - he's a jerk, he's smug, he's a creep, he flat out told me he wanted to take advantage of my open bar and that's why he wants to come to my wedding (that was the first thing he said to me in over 10 years)... there are just so many reasons. But neither he or his sister are invited because I don't have a relationship with them.
I explained this to my mom and she won't have it. Yesterday, both her and my dad started this huge arguement with me telling me that I have to invite him because I just have to. Here's the kicker - My mom says I have to invite him but not his sister because, well, she didn't invite anyone to HER wedding.
I will not have it. I've told both of them every time that none of them are invited and that's the end of the discussion and they keep bringing it up.
I feel for all of you girls on this topic. It's our wedding and I don't think we should have to invite people just because they're family or, in my case, to make another relative jealous. It's insane and my mom is going to end up sitting at the back table if she keeps it up.
This is a problem for us as well. My fiance wants to invite the cousins he is close to (the guys he has been close to since a kid, and has played football with every Sunday for as long as he can remember), but he doesn't want to invite ALL his other cousins for several reasons: 1. because of the cost it would mean cutting a load of friends who he is closer to and would prefer to come. 2. A lot of them are mean and would only come along to bitch/criticise the fact our relationship is inter-racial and gossip.
Yet his parents have basically told us all or none. We're hoping this can be resolved by the fact we're having 2 "weddings" a legal british one, and a religious asian one, and just inviting all his family to the latter, but not sure how his parents are going to take it.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 34 |
| Ms. Salamander | 23 |
| beargoose | 21 |
| his chippymunk | 20 |
| rebwana | 19 |
| mypinkshoes | 18 |
| LammChop | 17 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 17 |
| kat2014 | 15 |
| s.renea9 | 15 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| violet25 | 3 |
| jules28 | 3 |
| simpleandchic | 2 |
| AshleyR83 | 2 |
| rebwana | 2 |
| TwoCityBride | 2 |
| angela85 | 1 |
| AlliRae | 1 |
| pinkandsparkly | 1 |
 CassidyR |
1 |
Hi I am new to wedding bee.
I have this problem that my parents insist I invite all my cousins (i wanted to pick and choose, they told me all or none). There is one cousin who I will NOT invite to my wedding. I never want to see or speak to this person ever again in my life. I left this person off my guest list and my mom added the name and address and told me I forgot one cousin. How can I not invite this peron and make it clear to my parents when they ask where that invite is?
Any advice?
Attachments