(Closed) How to not invite SO's father and my sister to the wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Should I invite my sister even though she may get drunk or be on drugs?
    Yes, I'm sure if you talked to her she would be sure to be on her best behavior. : (6 votes)
    21 %
    Yes, even if she does cause a scene, she is family. : (2 votes)
    7 %
    Yes, you could always make her leave if she got out of hand. : (6 votes)
    21 %
    No, it's not worth the risk. : (15 votes)
    52 %
  • Post # 3
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I voted no, but I’m not sure if I would vote that way if I knew the whole story. It really depends on how certain you are that it would be a problem if she was there. For example, my mom’s brother is the same way (in fact, he will be recently released from prison when we get married), but I am inviting him because I know he can be on his best behavior because I have seen him in formal situations, even as a raging addict. It depends on your individual situation.

    Post # 5
    741 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    On paper, it’s easy to say not to invite them – but I think it’s a more difficult decision to make in real life. To be honest, I had a family member at my wedding who was not being fully treated for being bipolar. The actual day of my wedding probably would have been less stressful if he wasn’t there, and I know a lot of my friends and family really helped him get through it and made sure I had a good day. Looking back though, I can’t imagine him not being there and I know he would have never forgiven me if I asked him not to come. He actually changed medications after the wedding and has improved tremendously, and I’m able to have a real relationship with him for the first time in years. I guess I’d level with her, tell her you want your sister there and just for one day that everyone plays nice. 

    Post # 7
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I think it’s a very difficult decision for you to make, and at the end of the day only you can fully appreciate the situation enough to make an informed decision, although I do understand being between a rock and a hard place and needing advice. I would just put it on hold for now; your wedding is still a ways out, and there’s no need to make a decision now. Lots of things can change in the next 2 1/2 years, so you never know what the situation may be when you actually start sending invitations.

    As far as where she would stay, that is her problem to figure out. She is an adult just like every other adult invited to your wedding, and if she chooses to attend your wedding, it is her responsibility to make arrangements. If she was a very close relative of yours, I would say you could make special accomodations for her, but it sounds like you aren’t that close to her. There are other guests at your wedding that you are much closer to, and they aren’t expecting you to make special accomodations for them, so she shouldn’t either, and if she does expect that, she is in the wrong, not you.

    Post # 8
    6207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    I really don’t have any advice since I don’t have any experience with addicts. I just wanted to let you know that I’m so sorry that you’re finding yourself in this situation =(

    Post # 9
    3053 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I say no. Idk if you’re having an intimate wedding or not but you could tell her that you only had a certain # of guests you could invite for your venue. I have seen venues that have packages for 10 people & I’ve considered them! If it came to that, I would tell everyone who wasn’t invited that it was a REALLY intimate ceremony. I’m sorry you have so much to deal with over this =/

    Post # 10
    21 posts
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I am in a similar situation.  We are actually not inviting either of my FI’s parents.  His father is a drug addict who is a huge negative influence in his life and he has cut him out of his life.  His mother made it very clear on Christmas that she wants nothing to do with our wedding when they got into a fight, and she had some very mean things to say about me.  then when he tells her a week later she is no longer invited, she starts crying and playing the victim.  So, I completely understand where you are coming from.  It is a difficult situation that only you and your SO can make.  I wish you the best.  So sorry you have to deal with this too 🙁

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