Post # 1
Fiance and I have decided not to register for gifts since we are getting married 7 hours away from our home and we are nearly 30 years old and need nothing at the moment.
We do not want to bring gifts back and forth from our hometown for the next year! We are having a ceremony of 200 guests and would like to just have any gifts be in the form of a gift card.
I have been told it is tacky and should not be mentioned and we need to register out of principle.
How do I politely ask for gift cards on our wedding website as we would like to use the gift cards on an as-needed basis and not on kitchen gadgets we’ll never use.
Post # 3
Technically, there is no “polite” way to ask for money. We are in a similar situation- already own our home and live together, don’t really NEED anything.
We did decide to do a small registry to stock up on towels, sheets, etc… and to upgrade certain items as well.
We also asked our parents to spread by word of mouth, in the event a relative asks, that we are saving up for our honeymoon. Luckily, many of our family members gift cash anyway, and I am hoping that if someone doesn’t know what to get us and they ask our parents or friends, they will take the hint that we’re “saving”… it is just more polite that way.
Post # 4
@n_hill7: I would register for a small amount of things, and perhaps your parents or close family & friends can spread the word that you’d prefer money or gift cards. If you don’t register at all, people will still buy you items, but you won’t have a way to return some of them. If you register, then get those items as gifts, you will have the option to return them later for store credit at most places. Plus people are more likely to get you a gift card to the place you’re registered at than thinking of any random place to get you a gfit card for.
ETA: Also, guests might ship gifts to your house if they think about the situation. I’ve already gotten a shipped gift from an out-of-state relative.
Post # 5
Word of mouth is the best way in my opinion.
Post # 6
I agree with word of mouth. I don’t really think there is a polite way to “ask” for giftcards/money. We are having our baby shower next week and really want to get some gift cards/money to purchase some big ticket items(our family doesn’t really go in on anything big), so my mom is just mentioning we would appreciate money to go towards our bigger ticket items, if someone doesn’t know what to get.
Post # 7
We got married in my hometown, and live across the country. People for the most part mailed gifts to our home or gave us cash. I think most people understand that you won’t be able to travel with a bunch of gifts, and, if you’re not registered, I’m guessing you’ll get a lot of cash/GCs anyway.
Post # 8
Do a small registry–most people get the hint and cash seems to be the preferred wedding gift anymore. If you’re family/friends are throwing you a shower, it’ll make more sense to get physical objects–even if they have to ship them to your house and you open boxes with pictures of said gifts at the shower.
Post # 9
I agree with PPs. There’s no polite way to ask for money/gift cards. Having a small registry or none at all is usually a hint that you’d prefer cash. A small registry is usually a good idea because some people don’t like giving cash and will give you a physical gift anyway. You can also use word of mouth and you and your family can say, when asked, that you’re saving up for X or whatever.
Post # 10
@Mrs.Darling: Agreed. That’s what we did and while we did get a few of what seemed like “re-gifts” and random knickknacks, we scored a bunch of gift cards and checks. 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Set up a “honeymoon registry”–even if you don’t actually apply the cash to the honeymoon. Some people will still find this offensive, but you can’t please everyone.
Post # 12
Thanks for your opinions! We may do a small registry. Our hometown is 2000 people and the nearest city where we are getting married is 1.5 hrs away- we were trying to also prevent them from having to leave town and travel to get us a gift. This may be another option for them to do online shopping (although most don’t have internet) and have gifts shipped directly to our home. Thanks again!
Post # 13
Direct your guests to your website for registry information
This came off my FSIL’s site:
“We have no desire for gifts. Your words and support are more than enough. However, some of you have already expressed a desire to “help” us by giving us a wedding gift. Therefore, we have listed a few things that we think might be nice. Please, though, do not feel pressured to purchase anything. This is merely optional.”
Then you can link to the stores you like. Add a few small things and make sure you emphasize the giftcard option on all your registries.
You could also put a note on the registry about shipping gifts since you don’t want to travel with them. I have a feeling a lot of them would opt to bring you a giftcard rather than show up empty handed.
Edit: Sorry I completely glossed over the guests with no internet thing!!
Post # 14
We didn’t register and have got a LOT of hell for it. We had both been on our own for 5 years (me in a house, he in an apt) before we moved in together, so we have two or three of everything and nothing much to upgrade.
We didn’t ask for money. We didn’t send a registry card, but on our website under gift registry, we said “Because we are already established, the couple will not be registered anywhere.”
If anyone asks we just tell them that we are not registered, but we are taking a honeymoon cruise after the wedding. We have gotten crap, but we have stuck to our guns. 90% of my stuff is in storage right now. If we get more stuff, then so be it, but I would rather not ask for stuff that I will have to place into storage until we get a house–and I most certainly will not throw out a brand new 1 month old blender because someone got me an “upgrade” that I asked for. No way.
Case in point, there is NO polite way to ask for money. Just don’t register if you have nothing to register for and stick to that even through the critisism. If you want to avoud drama, register for a few items then.
Post # 15
and to add to my pp be careful with not registering at all. I have two friends that didn’t register: one friend that wound up with about 20 frames because people still “wanted to get her a little something.” and another that wound up with the hassle of returning a bunch of stuff that wasn’t their taste.
Post # 16
1. Word of mouth
2. Use a small registry
3. Register at big-box retailers with good return policies. The reason is twofold: 1) most big-box retailers will let you return whatever it is for a gift-card and 2) a lot of the online lists (I know that you said not all of them have the Internet, but) will automatically upload a gift-card option at the end of your registry anyway.