Post # 1
2 years ago a girl asked me to be a bridesmaid. I said yes, but honestly at the time was even a bit surprised to be asked. The wedding was supposed to be in the summer of 2012. After she askedwe found dresses but never purchased anything. The wedding got delayed and I had not heard a thing since. We have only spoken through text messages about 3 or 4 times in the past year and a half.
The other day she askedhow my planning was going. I gave her a short update and then she announced she had a date as well. I asked what it was and a bit about her event. She shared that it would be 2 months after mine and 12 hoursaway…
A few days later I got a text asking if I was stilll planning on being a bridesmaid for her. I do not know what to say. We havebarely spoken and I said yes 2 years ago when the situation was much different. I sort of feel obligated to be in it, but I dont really want to be in it. Then there is the whole financial aspect and getting timeoff ofwork to travel a far distance for the event. And I am planning my own wedding right now. Also, I wonder if maybe she feels obligated to still have me since she asked me previously.
How can I politely back out of this commitment?
Post # 3
It sounds to me as if she is thinking of asking someone else and wanted to know if you we’re still interested 🙂 Just send her something letting her know you do not think you are best fit as a Bridesmaid or Best Man due to other obligations and finances. You are very sorry but you really appreciate her friendship.
Post # 4
Tell her the truth, I’m guessing with the cost of your wedding and time needed off from work, it’s not feasible for you to make it esp 12 hours away. I think the fact that she asks means she anticipating that after all this time and your relationship that she knows it’s a possibility that you won’t want to do it.
Post # 5
I think the fact that she’s asking if you’re still planning on being a bridesmaid means she’s giving you a chance to back out, given that her event has gone through some major changes.
I would just say that while you would love to be a part of her day, you were in a different place two years ago than you are now, don’t have the finances to spend money on it, and you would not be able to give the type of commitment you feel she deserves from a bridesmaid. Add that you would be happy to attend and support her as a guest if you would still like to go.
Post # 6
@anemonie: I think this is a great response. I wouldn’t even bring up that the friendship has drifted; just express how happy you are for her and that you are incapable of being involved with her wedding at this time.
Post # 7
I would just be honest, if you had a bridesmaid in your wedding feeling the way you do, i’m sure you’d want her to speak up. Just say that although it meant a lot to you to have been asked and it sounds like a wonderful day, you’re unsure you’re still a good fit, with the practical side of things in getting you there and finances as you’re also saving for a wedding of your own and you hope she understands and you would love to see her and talk wedding but it would be unfair on her for you to over-commit. She may well be relieved as she may have her own doubts as the relationship has changed. x
Post # 8
@anemonie: +1 I think this is perfect.
But of course only mention the part about about being a guest if you actually plan to go.