How to politely handle something like this?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@jb20:  Have you told the parents what the couple has done to you?  What exactly did they do?  If they’re that close to his parents, are they going to be in the picture at other events?

Post # 4
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I would just invite them. Who knows, maybe they won’t even come?

Post # 5
Member
4872 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jb20:  If the gift comes with strings, politely tell them that this is your decision and if they feel that their monetary gift means you have to invite this person you would prefer if they keep their money.

Post # 6
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I get not wanting rude people at your wedding and reception.  I think this is one of those situations where you have to ask yourself “Is this a hill I want to die on?”

If it is worth the battle and potential fallout with your future in-laws, stick to your guns.

If it will cause such a row that it might impact your relationship, then bite your tongue and move on.

I guess it just depends on how strongly you feel about this issue.

*Also, I realize the money isn’t for the wedding, but money does sometimes come with strings, so they may view it as a wedding gift which allows them to have some say, while you view it as a gift not related to the wedding ceremony or reception at all.

Post # 7
Member
288 posts
Helper bee

This is exactly why I do not intend accepting any type of monetary “gift” prior to our wedding. Unfortunately I think a lot of people can’t completely give with attaching some strings. Since it does have to do with FI’s side of the family, I would say that he should go to bat for you.

“Sally and Bill have not acted kindly towards jb20 since we’ve been together. We really want people at our wedding/reception who are supportive of our relationship, and give the history there, we won’t be inviting Sally and Bill.”

Leave it at that. If his parents really want to give you a gift, then this choice should have no effect on their decision to do so.

Post # 8
Member
11712 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just invite them.  You probably won’t even know that they’re there becuase you’ll be busy with your other (read: nice) guests.

Post # 11
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jb20:  I would share with FI’s parents your feelings on this. They may be quite understanding.

Post # 12
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

@jb20:  I can see your issue with them, but I would keep the peace and invite them anyways. It sucks to have to be the bigger person on such a huge stage ( your wedding day), but the drama that it could incite isn’t worth it. Chances are, you won’t even notice or care that they showed up IF they even do show up

Post # 13
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@DaneLady:  “ I think this is one of those situations where you have to ask yourself “Is this a hill I want to die on?””

I love this! So applicable to so many things on the bee.

Post # 14
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’d invite them.  

I also don’t sweat shite like this.  You don’t like me?  Ok.  Don’t.  I can still be civil.  I’d rather be the bigger person in the situation.  And if it kept the in-laws happy, I’d do it.  Who knows, you may warm to them in the coming years and wish they had been there to celebrate with you.  

Post # 15
Member
8009 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would explain the situation to them. I also would not want anyone there who doesn’t support me!

Post # 16
Member
9219 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would just invite them.  It’s probably not worth getting too worked up over.  Be gracious and extremely kind and nice to them.  Why make them like your FI’s ex even more?  Win them over.  I always win people over who don’t like me, even if I don’t like them.  Lol.  It’s fun.  And challenging.  But it always works.

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