Post # 1
So FI and I are having a very small wedding in February with a big reception in May. As a “gift” (notice the quotes) his parents are giving us money. The money is not being used towards wedding expense at all because we won’t actually recieve it until after the ceremony. I think it’s very generous, as they really don’t have to do that.
So for the Reception (which WE are paying for out of pocket), they have a couple of friends they would like to be there. Sure, no problem. Except for one couple, who have been SO rude to me since the day I met them. Long story short, they REALLY liked FIs ex.
I will not allow them at my reception, PERIOD. FIs parents think since they are “contributing” (GIFT? CONTRIBUTION? WHATEVS), we should invite everyone they want there.
We weren’t planning on using our gift money for anything wedding related? FI thinks we should invite them to keep the peace. I am not comfortable with that, at all.
What should I do here, bees? (Aside from not inviting them and if FI parents give us any guff, telling them to shove that “gift” money and keep it moving.)
Post # 3
@jb20: Have you told the parents what the couple has done to you? What exactly did they do? If they’re that close to his parents, are they going to be in the picture at other events?
Post # 4
I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I would just invite them. Who knows, maybe they won’t even come?
Post # 5
@jb20: If the gift comes with strings, politely tell them that this is your decision and if they feel that their monetary gift means you have to invite this person you would prefer if they keep their money.
Post # 6
I get not wanting rude people at your wedding and reception. I think this is one of those situations where you have to ask yourself “Is this a hill I want to die on?”
If it is worth the battle and potential fallout with your future in-laws, stick to your guns.
If it will cause such a row that it might impact your relationship, then bite your tongue and move on.
I guess it just depends on how strongly you feel about this issue.
*Also, I realize the money isn’t for the wedding, but money does sometimes come with strings, so they may view it as a wedding gift which allows them to have some say, while you view it as a gift not related to the wedding ceremony or reception at all.
Post # 7
This is exactly why I do not intend accepting any type of monetary “gift” prior to our wedding. Unfortunately I think a lot of people can’t completely give with attaching some strings. Since it does have to do with FI’s side of the family, I would say that he should go to bat for you.
“Sally and Bill have not acted kindly towards jb20 since we’ve been together. We really want people at our wedding/reception who are supportive of our relationship, and give the history there, we won’t be inviting Sally and Bill.”
Leave it at that. If his parents really want to give you a gift, then this choice should have no effect on their decision to do so.
Post # 8
Just invite them. You probably won’t even know that they’re there becuase you’ll be busy with your other (read: nice) guests.
Post # 9
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: When FI and I first got together, the woman looked at him while I was standing right there and said “So, do you keep in touch with [ex]? You guys realy were a great couple”. She has made other similar remarks. These people aren’t even THAT close to my FI, they are parents’ friends! I have been really offended by their behavior, and I really don’t think it’s any of there business.
As far as his parents knowing, I honestly don’t think they do.
They probably will be around, but I don’t want them at a celebration of my marriage. They can stick to the events they are openly welcome at.
Post # 10
Also, I’ve only met this couple like 3 times.
Post # 11
@jb20: I would share with FI’s parents your feelings on this. They may be quite understanding.
Post # 12
@jb20: I can see your issue with them, but I would keep the peace and invite them anyways. It sucks to have to be the bigger person on such a huge stage ( your wedding day), but the drama that it could incite isn’t worth it. Chances are, you won’t even notice or care that they showed up IF they even do show up
Post # 13
@DaneLady: “ I think this is one of those situations where you have to ask yourself “Is this a hill I want to die on?””
I love this! So applicable to so many things on the bee.
Post # 14
I’d invite them.
I also don’t sweat shite like this. You don’t like me? Ok. Don’t. I can still be civil. I’d rather be the bigger person in the situation. And if it kept the in-laws happy, I’d do it. Who knows, you may warm to them in the coming years and wish they had been there to celebrate with you.
Post # 15
I would explain the situation to them. I also would not want anyone there who doesn’t support me!
Post # 16
I would just invite them. It’s probably not worth getting too worked up over. Be gracious and extremely kind and nice to them. Why make them like your FI’s ex even more? Win them over. I always win people over who don’t like me, even if I don’t like them. Lol. It’s fun. And challenging. But it always works.