Post # 1
I’ve recently decided it was necessary to disinvite someone from our wedding. There have been a few incidents in the past where this person has acted inappropriately and at times has been very disrespectful to me. She’s known to be “that” girl at the party…the one who always has a meltdown and finds a way to be the center of attention…the one who often decides she wants to show off her stripper moves and at times has even undressed in front of people..and the one who makes out with every single man available that night. Despite all this, we considered inviting her because when she’s sober, she truly is a different person. She’s smart, fun and caring.What broke the camel’s back however, was that during a party (where she had been drinking)…she kissed my fiancee in front of me. She claims it didn’t happen or that if it did, it was only because she was drunk. Well, there’s going to be plenty of booze at our wedding and the thought of anything like this happening on that day makes my blood boil. The tricky part is that we work together, i see her everyday. How do i disinvite her in a way that would still allow us to work well together?
P.S. nothing has been mailed out yet, not save the dates nor the invitations.
Post # 2
Just don’t send her a save-the-date or invitation. You can’t uninvite someone who hasn’t been invited yet 😉
But seriously, I get what you mean. If you need to sugar-coat it, just say something like you had to be very careful with numbers because the venue is strict/catering costs/yatta yatta.
Or, if you’re like me, just be straight. Tell her that your wedding isn’t a place for people to behave inappropriately, whether they’re drunk or not, and it’s not a risk you’re willing to take. If you do this, be prepared to burn a bridge because she will surely take offense to it. I also have no problem with burning bridges, personally, lol.
Post # 3
Dreamer12: You simply don’t send an invitation.
But I’ve got to ask: why are you blaming this girl and not your fiance?? Unless he was tied down, he allowed the kiss. He is the person you should be most angry at.
Post # 4
Dreamer12: When I saw the title of this thread I was ready to tell you that you can’t uninvite someone. But then I read that she’d kissed your fiance – and that you’ve obviously confronted her about this, because she also denied it and then said that she only did it because she was drunk.
So, that’s a little different. Are you done with the friendship? If so, reach out to her and say that her behavior when drinking has always concerned you but that she crossed a line when she kissed your future husband, and as a result, you’re no longer comfortable having her as a part of your life, much less as a guest at your wedding.
If you want to retain the friendship, then reach out to her and say something like:
As a friend, I’m deeply concerned about your drinking. I love you; you are a very important part of my life. But when you were intoxicated, you crossed a line that no true friend would cross. I feel I don’t know you when you’re drinking. You have proved that I can’t trust you when you’re drinking. Because you’re important to me, I want to move past what happened — but I can’t do this while you’re drinking. I no longer wish to be around you when you are consuming alcohol. This includes at the wedding. I want YOU at my wedding, not the stranger you become when you drink. If you plan to be sober that night, I will be so overjoyed to have you there. But if you need to drink, I ask that you spend the night elsewhere.
I’ll tell you, though — if she comes, she’ll drink. I mean, if she’s willing to keep drinking when she knows it gets her into this kind of trouble, then she’s probably unable to stop herself.
Post # 5
I would say the worda Calendula wrote – writing seems harsher. That is if you care. Otherwise don’t invite her and she won’t be disinvited. I had a work friend that when she got engaged told me I can’t wait for you to be at my wedding. I moved into another department and a different office and we sort of lost touch and I wasn’t surprised I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I would think this girl knows or expects that she shouldn’t be invited to yours either.
Post # 6
She kissed your FI? What was he doing?
Post # 7
Easy peasy, she just does not get an invite. Surely she won’t be surprised? If she asks just say “it’s not customary to invite people who have kissed the groom since he announced his engament…one of those time -honoured ettiquette things!” and leave it at that.
Post # 8
Nothing’s been sent, so don’t invite her. Out of curiosity, what was your FI doing when she kissed him?
Post # 9
Dreamer12: I’d distance myself from her, if I were you, from now on. Then it would be less likely that she would expect an invitation, when it’s 6-8 weeks before the wedding, and you send them out. Also, I would skip sending save-the-dates to other co-workers, who might talk about it to her. But be prepared for someone at the venue door, for security. She might get drunk on her own and show up anyway, due to her past behavior history.
Post # 10
You just don’t send her an invitation. Unless she’s completely delusional, she wouldn’t expect one after kissing your FI.
This is just another example of why people should keep their work and personal lives seperate.
Post # 11
I thought this was going to be about taking back an invitation. You have an easy out here by just not sending her an invitation or save-the-date. If she’s rude enough to ask, you should just tell her that you found her behavior inappropriate and were reluctant to give her another chance to behave that way in front of your family and other friends.
Post # 12
she hasn’t been invited, so you don’t need to uninvite her. there really is no problem with that here. but there are other issues.
Post # 13
If you haven’t sent her a save the date or invite then she’s not officially invited so I wouldn’t worry. What to say if she asks about it really depends on if you want to maintain the friendship. If you do say something about restricting numbers because of the venue and then changing the subject. If you don’t tell her she was inappropriate kissing your fiance and you don’t want her at your wedding since she doesn’t respect your relationship.
Post # 14
KMcKay: I completely agree with this!
That kind of drama, at any event, is unwelcome and unncessary. And at your wedding AFTER kissing your fiance? I’m surprised you’re even contemplating it!
Post # 15
Don’t invite her
her : why didn’t you invite me?
you : you kissed my fiance.
i sincerely hope he pulled away immediately!!!!