- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Ok bees I need some serious help in this…. Some of this is a vent so I apologize for the length…
So I need a way to address this issue. I’ve decided that yes I am going to invite this friend. However, she hasn’t mentioned anything about her wanting to be a bridesmaid, but I’m trying to figure out a way to tell her I’d rather her not be in the wedding party. The only reason I am trying to figure out a way to tell her is because if I don’t take this head on, I know that some point this year she is going to start some type of drama and the Sh*t is going to hit the fan. We are both from the same town, and I know she’s going to say something about how I don’t want her in my wedding and I’m a horrible person, and that she should be in mine because I was in hers (all of those being the nicest things she says)
Just to give some background, we were best friends elementary-highschool… but had a lot of ups and downs. In college we had a HUGE falling out, she said horrible things that to this day I can’t repeat. We weren’t friends for 6 months, then found she was pregnant, and I knew she needed a friend, and I just put the huge fight aside and tried to give her support. Our friendship has just never fully recovered. Since I have been dating FH she has been off and on nice. I always have to be careful what I say because I know she’ll tell others, or actually make stuff up or say mean things about me. I’m so torn about our friendship, because I keep hoping she’ll be that good friend that I want and need. We will have a great friend moment, and then the next thing I feel I’m being stabbed in the back. Just thinking about the friendship makes me sad…..
Anyway back to my real issue: I want to tell her that I would prefer her to attend as a guest so she’s not stressed out with the bridesmaid responsiblities (dress, having to attend the wedding, etc) She has a 5 year old and is having a baby this fall, which means she would have two kids under 6 next year. She lives out of state, so just traveling would be a huge expense. Our mutual best friend has suggested that I just call her and ask her if she wants to be a BM, address my concerns, let her think about it, and let the decision be up to her.I think that if I just ask her to be a BM she will accept because she feels like she has to. Then she will be telling people what a horrible person I am for asking her to buy a dress fly out and how completely stressed out and overwhelmed she is.
I am also afraid if I ask her to come as a guest, it’s going to 1. hurt her feelings and 2. it will come off like I don’t want her in my wedding., when I do want her to come, just not as a BM.
And to be completely honest, if I knew she was going to be the “good” friend I would have no problem in asking her. It’s just the “bad back stabbing” friend I’m afraid of coming out causing drama and heart ache.
So this is what I was thinking of doing: writing her a letter, just simply stating the commitments and events she has this year, and saying I prefer her to come as an honored guest.
OR should I call her and express my concerns of her being aBM and give her the option of being a BM or not ?
I apologize if this is very unorganized, I have a lot of things running through my mind, and the disorganiziation is just a sign of my emotional conflict.