Post # 1
We are looking for our first home! He has the downpayment and lack of student loan debt, so he is making the purchase. Problem is, although we’ve come to be realistic about what’s affordable for us, his parents really haven’t. His mom keeps showing him listings that are twice his max budget, and both of them want us to have things that are not likely at our price point, like a full basement or attached garage. I think FI is feeling pressured, but at the same time, he knows not to buy something too expensive for us. He has a good job, but right now I’m in school and only working part time. I’m looking for a better job, but there’s no guarantee of that happening soon, and either way, we want to be able to live mostly on his income and use the majority of mine for savings and paying off loans. How can we tell well-meaning but opinionated parents that their expectations are not realistic for us?
Post # 2
Laurenplusalex: Tell them staright up ” Thanks for the suggestions. It’s not in our budget. We’ll let you know when we find something that is.”
Post # 3
julies1949: thanks for the advice. They probably won’t love what we end up with, but I guess that unless they want to contribute, that’s just too bad for them, lol.
Post # 4
He needs to tell them that what they’re sending is not in the budget — and to butt out. “Thanks for sending those, but we’ve got a lot of our own listings to look at. We’ll let you know if something comes up, but please don’t send anymore.”
Post # 5
Just don’t look at what they send you. And don’t tell them about places you look at until you open escrow. By that point, it will be too late for their opinions.
Post # 6
Good for you for being realistic and sticking to your goals. Part of becoming an adult is listening respectfully to our parents then saying “Sorry, not going to do that”. Friends and family will often have well-meaning advice for us, but in the end it’s our lives and we need to do what makes us happy.
Post # 7
Laurenplusalex: Why are they being so pushy, do they plan on living with you guys?? I think maybe what you can do is lay down the numbers – your monthly home costs if you stay within budget, what’s left over for loans and savings. Show them that if you buy a more expensive home, you won’t be able to have a comfortable cushion of money. And say that you need to build savings for their future grandchildren, hah!
Post # 9
Laurenplusalex: they don’t have to live in your houses so what they like doesn’t matter. like PP said, tell them “thank you but we’re going in another direction with our search. we have a limited budget and we would like to work within that.”
Post # 8
You just need to tell them, “We appriciate your enthusiasm in our house hunt, but we have a max budget of xyz and everything you’re showing us is way out of our budget. They are beautiful homes, but we are no interested in seeing anything that expensive. We don’t want to fall in love with a house we can’t afford. Thanks for understanding.”
Post # 10
I agree with the above posters, just be straight with them and say that it is out of your budget.