How to reply to "can I bring a date?" 8 months before the wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ladyamalthea:  Just tell her you won’t know the final guest list until a few months out from the wedding, so you’re really not sure yet at this point. 

Post # 4
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ladyamalthea:  Not sure if this is helpful, but when my single cousin asked me if she could bring a friend, I let her know that we had a limited amount of people we could invite and had to stick with family first.  If we had gotten enough ‘No’s later on, I would let her know if there was space for her friend.  She was content with that and it turned out there was plenty of room. 

Post # 5
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

You should invite the SO of every guest, not just those that you deem to be ‘long term’. 

Post # 7
Member
3948 posts
Honey bee

@jbh13:  Agreed.

I will never understand inviting guests to celebrate your love and happiness and not allowing them to bring a date.

Post # 9
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@ladyamalthea:  It’s definitely not fine to not invite SO’s just because they don’t live together. My FI and I were discussing marriage way before lived together. It’s not your place to judge the seriousness of someones relationship.

You don’t have to decide now if your truly single guests are getting a +1. SImply put his or her name on the STD (if you are sending them). Otherwise, you have quite a bit of time before you have to send your invitations out. If, at that point, someone is in a relationship, the SO needs to be invited. 

 

@Bostongrl25:  Absolutely agree with you.

Post # 10
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ladyamalthea:  Fair enough.  I didn’t know my cousin’s friend either, but I figured she’d be more comfortable hanging out with someone she knew at the wedding.  It’s not like I had much time to talk to her to make her feel welcome and other than her dad, she didn’t have many people to hang out with. 

If you really don’t want the friend there then I would go with @LilySarah:  advice.  I guess you’d have to keep up with dodging the question though, if she’s very persistent.

Post # 11
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@ladyamalthea:  If she is truly single at the time your invitations go out, you do not have to give her a +1.  If she is in a relationship (you do not get to determine if her relationship is “serious” if it does not meet your arbitrary requirements of length of time dating, living together, etc) her SO needs to be invited.  Not inviting a person’s SO because you “don’t want to spen money on randoms” is inappropriate.  My family is spread out, I have several cousins whose SOs I have never met, but they are still invited because they are in a relationship with an invited guest.

Post # 12
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@ladyamalthea:  I’d invite you to think about this if the tables were turned and how you’d feel is someone deemed your rel;ationship not long term enough or serious enough to bring the guy you like/love.

At any rate, I would just tell her that you haven’t decided on plus one’s yet, but I think if you allow all plus one’s that are in a relationship, her’s would count, whether you like him or not.

Post # 14
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think it’s totally fine to invite whomever YOU want to YOUR wedding. I also have heard before that people only invite engaged and married couples (not even living together – engaged and married only), so whatever your protocols are, that’s your choice.

I would just say that you haven’t finalized things like registries and guest lists so far out from the wedding and as soon as the invites go out, you’ll let her know and that for now you’re looking at possibly only having engaged and married couples permitted to bring a date, but if anything changes in the future, you’ll let her know.

Post # 15
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ladyamalthea:  Your reply sounds fine to me. Sorry your getting burned here about the +1. This tends to happen on the bee when it comes to whether a guest should have a +1 or not. Everyone has there own reasoning when it comes to final guest count and budget and +1s. BTW nice wedding date! I got married same day this year!

Post # 16
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@xdaydreams05x:  She’s not getting ‘burned’ about a +1 issue. It’s very tacky to not invite a SO. I don’t see an issue with not giving a truly single guest a +1, but to split up someone in a relationship is very rude.

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