Post # 1
I’m inviting my sister’s crazy friend because she made us a cake for our engagement, and my sister asked me to. She’s a sweet girl but has a lot of issues, and in 8 months I don’t think she’ll be dating anyone I’d want at my wedding. And we’re not giving +1’s to people who aren’t in a long term relationship, engaged, or married.
We did our Save the Dates through paperless post, and there’s an option for guests to send us a message. She asked where we’re registered and if she can bring a date.
So what should I say, given our wedding is 8 months away? If she wants to get us a gift now that’s fine, we need to register for more stuff, but we got a great head start, and there are links to our registries on our website, and even though all the other pages still just say “coming soon” we included its url on the save-the-dates.
Is this good? “There are links to our registries on our website, but no rush. We’re waiting until we start sending out invitations to figure out +1’s. :)”
I don’t think there’s any point in telling her “probably not” right now, because for all I know she’ll have been in a committed relationship for 3 months by the time we send out the invitations, and that’d probably be good enough. But I’d probably put the person’s name, not +1.
Post # 3
@ladyamalthea: Just tell her you won’t know the final guest list until a few months out from the wedding, so you’re really not sure yet at this point.
Post # 4
@ladyamalthea: Not sure if this is helpful, but when my single cousin asked me if she could bring a friend, I let her know that we had a limited amount of people we could invite and had to stick with family first. If we had gotten enough ‘No’s later on, I would let her know if there was space for her friend. She was content with that and it turned out there was plenty of room.
Post # 5
You should invite the SO of every guest, not just those that you deem to be ‘long term’.
Post # 6
@jbh13: Why? In any case, I’m pretty sure the only SO’s I’m currently inviting live with their SO, and I’ve heard it’s fine to separate live-in SO’s from others. Also the wedding is almost 2 hours from my hometown, where the girl lives.
I just feel like this girl could end up inviting some asshole like the last guy she was hung up on, and that’s not someone I want to spend a hundred dollars on.
Post # 7
I will never understand inviting guests to celebrate your love and happiness and not allowing them to bring a date.
Post # 8
@LilySarah: Thanks, I think I’ll do just that!
@sourcandy: The thing is this girl isn’t even my friend, she’s my sister’s. I’m sure we have room, but we’re paying for food by the plate and paying for alcohol, and I’d rather not spend all that money on, essentially, a random stranger. Or worse, a random jackass.
We’ll probably end up going over budget as it is.But thanks forthe perspective 🙂
Post # 9
@ladyamalthea: It’s definitely not fine to not invite SO’s just because they don’t live together. My FI and I were discussing marriage way before lived together. It’s not your place to judge the seriousness of someones relationship.
You don’t have to decide now if your truly single guests are getting a +1. SImply put his or her name on the STD (if you are sending them). Otherwise, you have quite a bit of time before you have to send your invitations out. If, at that point, someone is in a relationship, the SO needs to be invited.
@Bostongrl25: Absolutely agree with you.
Post # 10
@ladyamalthea: Fair enough. I didn’t know my cousin’s friend either, but I figured she’d be more comfortable hanging out with someone she knew at the wedding. It’s not like I had much time to talk to her to make her feel welcome and other than her dad, she didn’t have many people to hang out with.
If you really don’t want the friend there then I would go with @LilySarah: advice. I guess you’d have to keep up with dodging the question though, if she’s very persistent.
Post # 11
@ladyamalthea: If she is truly single at the time your invitations go out, you do not have to give her a +1. If she is in a relationship (you do not get to determine if her relationship is “serious” if it does not meet your arbitrary requirements of length of time dating, living together, etc) her SO needs to be invited. Not inviting a person’s SO because you “don’t want to spen money on randoms” is inappropriate. My family is spread out, I have several cousins whose SOs I have never met, but they are still invited because they are in a relationship with an invited guest.
Post # 12
@ladyamalthea: I’d invite you to think about this if the tables were turned and how you’d feel is someone deemed your rel;ationship not long term enough or serious enough to bring the guy you like/love.
At any rate, I would just tell her that you haven’t decided on plus one’s yet, but I think if you allow all plus one’s that are in a relationship, her’s would count, whether you like him or not.
Post # 13
@sourcandy: That’s true, this girl really won’t know many people there. And she’s pretty odd, so it might be good for her to have someone not in the bridal party that’s used to her strangeness.
@pixiecat: You make some fair points. I’ll have to talk to my FI about this, but I think for the most part we’ll wait until we’re really getting ready to send out the invitations.
@jbh13: I agree that living together is a problematic way of separating “serious” couples, which is why I originally said long term relationships. One of my closest friends won’t be living with her fiancé at all until they’re married, and obviously they were very serious before they were engaged. But it’s tricky because it’s so subjective, especially with guests you barely know.
I’m going to take some time to think about everything said in this thread, because clearly I have that luxury. I’m happy I asked for advice sooner rather than later. So thank you everyone 🙂
Post # 14
I think it’s totally fine to invite whomever YOU want to YOUR wedding. I also have heard before that people only invite engaged and married couples (not even living together – engaged and married only), so whatever your protocols are, that’s your choice.
I would just say that you haven’t finalized things like registries and guest lists so far out from the wedding and as soon as the invites go out, you’ll let her know and that for now you’re looking at possibly only having engaged and married couples permitted to bring a date, but if anything changes in the future, you’ll let her know.
Post # 15
@ladyamalthea: Your reply sounds fine to me. Sorry your getting burned here about the +1. This tends to happen on the bee when it comes to whether a guest should have a +1 or not. Everyone has there own reasoning when it comes to final guest count and budget and +1s. BTW nice wedding date! I got married same day this year!
Post # 16
@xdaydreams05x: She’s not getting ‘burned’ about a +1 issue. It’s very tacky to not invite a SO. I don’t see an issue with not giving a truly single guest a +1, but to split up someone in a relationship is very rude.