Post # 1
How do you respond to your FI when he denies everything but it is clear he is avoiding planning a wedding? He always says “I don’t act that way” or “I didn’t say that or do that”. Due to his past reluctance and telling me a year after we got engaged that he guesses he wasn’t ready I cracked it and told him he will need to prove that he wants to marry me. He told me he would plan 2nd March 2013 wedding if that’s what he needed to do to prove it. Of course he didn’t and 9 weeks before 2nd March when I questioned him he told me he didn’t plan it because he needed my help!! I was hurt that he had broken an important promise to me. I’m pretty sure I’m being manipulated here, as his actions don’t match his words. Oh yes I want to marry you, can’t imagine my life without you blah blah! His Mum thinks I’m crazy for not believing him and I should accept that marriage isn’t a priority for men. I have questioned him about his reluctance for a while now so we can get to the bottom of this but he just tells me he doesn’t know why he acts reluctant. How can you work on something if you don’t know what the core problem is! How do you dig deep and get an open and honest answer from someone?
Post # 3
I thnk you might be overanalyzing it here. My fiance is super excited to get married and for our wedding, but I’d never trust him to plan it on his own – it would NEVER get done. Not because he didn’t want to get married, but because he just isn’t a planner type and he has no idea what to do and would get super overwhelmed and jsut not do it.
Post # 4
@esplanfreedom: I’m confused. Did you agree to a wedding date of March 2nd with the understanding that your FI would plan the entire event?
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn
I think the issue might be that he’s just not doing anything, whether she’s planning it or someone else is. I don’t think any sane bride would expect their FI plan the whole thing, that’s just madness. Is that right, OP, do you feel he is just not doing anything to get the wedding ball moving?
Post # 6
@esplanfreedom: Honestly, a lot of men don’t have a sweet clue about wedding planning. They don’t know what needs to be done or how to do it. They also don’t know what types of things to pick out for a wedding, especially that which would be to his bride’s taste. I’m sure there are SOME men who are good at this but my husband wasn’t and your fiance might not be either. I had to do most of the planning by myself because my husband just kept telling me that he didn’t know what to do and that he trusted my judgment. However, he did book a photographer and call around about venues like I asked him to, so if you give your fiance specific tasks to do, I bet he would probably do them. I would advise against asking him to help with things like decor, color schemes, flowers, etc. Maybe he could help look after things like venues, photographers, videographers, catering, etc. He could also help with things like getting favors and invitations ready.
Post # 7
Yes that’s right shadowblind. He never even speaks about it let alone get the ball rolling to move us forward (despite his promises). I know that he loves me but I feel that he is tense when I talk about actually getting married. I guess I have lost faith in having a future with him and the ball has been in his court for a while now. I’m done and he should be doing everything he can to move our relationship forward so he doesn’t lose me! I feel like I have to do everything to move us forward and have a life together. The only thing he organises is going out for dinner.