Post # 1
How do you respond to your FI when he denies everything but it is clear he is avoiding planning a wedding? He always says “I don’t act that way” or “I didn’t say that or do that”. Due to his past reluctance and telling me a year after we got engaged that he guesses he wasn’t ready I cracked it and told him he will need to prove that he wants to marry me. He told me he would plan 2nd March 2013 wedding if that’s what he needed to do to prove it. Of course he didn’t and 9 weeks before 2nd March when I questioned him he told me he didn’t plan it because he needed my help!! I was hurt that he had broken an important promise to me. I’m pretty sure I’m being manipulated here, as his actions don’t match his words. Oh yes I want to marry you, can’t imagine my life without you blah blah! His Mum thinks I’m crazy for not believing him and I should accept that marriage isn’t a priority for men. I have questioned him about his reluctance for a while now so we can get to the bottom of this but he just tells me he doesn’t know why he acts reluctant. How can you work on something if you don’t know what the core problem is! How do you dig deep and get an open and honest answer from someone?
Post # 3
@esplanfreedom: His mom is wrong. MARRIAGE should be a priority to men. WEDDINGS probably are not. If the issue is that you want to marry him, why not just elope? That will prove that he wants to MARRY you. You don’t have to tell anyone, but you’ll already be married then YOU can plan the wedding YOU want. I’m a bit confused why you put the entire planning process on him to prove to you that he wants to do this. I’m thinking that if he wants to MARRY you, that’s one thing – if he wants to have a WEDDING, that’s another. I know my FI wants to marry me, but I also know that planning a wedding to him sounds like the biggest nightmare of his life – he wouldn’t even know where to begin and even when I ask him simple questions (to me, they seem simple), he gets overwhelmed and can’t make a decision. Does that mean he doesn’t want to marry me? Absolutely not. He would go down to city hall right now, he would fly with me somewhere to elope right now. He just gets overwhelmed with all the decisions that needs to be made, making the right ones, and he has other things going on in his life that to him take priority to wedding planning. I get that. I don’t assume that means he doesn’t love me and want to spend the rest of my life with me.
So I think first you need to separate “marriage” from “wedding” because they are not one in the same. Figure out if he wants to marry you – will he elope? will he go down to city hall tomorrow and marry you?
Then, plan the wedding yourself and ask him for stuff that he really needs to be involved in. Most men don’t care about wedding colors or bridesmaid dresses or what kind of flowers you want. He should only really care about his tux and his men and his bachelor party, most likely.
Post # 4
@esplanfreedom: I think marriage becomes a priority to men once theyve met the one. If he is so hesitant perhaps its a sign you deserve someone else
Post # 5
I think the problem was intensified by the fact that you demanded he prove to you that he wants to marry you. Wasn’t him proposing proof that he wants to marry you or was that demanded as well?
There is a big difference between not wanting to marry someone and not wanting a wedding. Maybe he is feeling pressured by you?
Post # 6
@j_jaye: Not always! I dated a real jerk who proposed so I would “stay loyal to him” when I went to college! Transferred out of my college after a year, moved in with him, and NOTHING! When I finally left him, he admitted he’d never actually planned on marrying me!
There’s a LOT of brides on here with this problem… Men who propose but never intend on ACTUALLY gettying married!
Post # 7
@esplanfreedom: Find a couples’ therapist and schedule an appointment. Tell him when it is. Talk about your relationship and where it is headed. It definitely sounds like you need to get to the bottom of this situation, and until you do you won’t know what’s going on, so do something about it!