Post # 1
I am tall and slim. My BMI is healthy. My weight and clothing size have been rock-solid for 9-10 years. However, my female ILs, whom I see 1-2x/yr, often make comments like, “Stop losing weight!” and “We need to fatten you up!” These comments make me uncomfortable, and I don’t know how to reply firmly yet politely to make them stop.
I will see them tomorrow for Thanksgiving; what can I say one-on-one or potentially in front of the rest of the family at the dinner table if they make such comments? I really don’t want to hurt feelings with my reply, but I want comments about my body to stop.
Post # 3
@philodendron: “My doctor says I am a healthy weight for my height and frame. Can we please talk about something else?”
“My weight hasn’t changed. Did you mean to say that I looked nice today?”
Post # 4
tell them you haven’t lost weight, and ask them if they’d like you to comment on their bodies now. That should stop them pretty quickly.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@philodendron: If there’s anything people LOVE to HATE on, it’s an effortlessly thin person. They’re just jelly. I’d say “Mind your own fucking business.”
jk, DO NOT say that.
Say, “Well, it’s just how I am I guess; I have a high metabolism.”
Post # 6
I wish I had a good answer! My ILs say obnoxious crap like that, too!
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@julies1949: +1 Love the “Did you mean to say I look nice today?” I lolled at my desk.
Post # 8
Maybe you could just laugh and say “you say that every year!” that might give them the hint that its wearing thin? you could always add “and I’m wearing the same jeans as last 4 years…” Theyre either jealous or the could be say ing the same thing every year without realising or even thinking.
Post # 9
Ugh, it’s unbelievable to me that anyone thinks it’s okay to comment on someone else’s weight. I would say something like “It really hurts my feelings when you imply that I look unhealthy or too thin. I have maintained the same weight for the past X years and my doctor says I’m in perfect health! Thanks for your concern but your comments make me feel bad. I’m happy with the way my body looks.”
Post # 10
@philodendron: ‘You always say that and I’ve been the same size since you met me!’
My FMIL is always trying to feed me (and I”m not that skinny…) last year FH and I came back from visiting her over Christmas with serious serious sodium bloat, it was pretty gross.
Post # 11
I’d respond by asking them to pass the mashed potatoes…
They’ll eventually shut it when they realize you are not even going to address the topic or discussion.
Post # 13
I hear ya. I’m 5′ 1″ tall, 105 lbs, C cup, not “too skinny” to 90% of the population but I have had perfect strangers tell me, “I wouldn’t want to be quite as thin as you” etc. Ugh. Seriously, I think it’s jealousy. Just sayin’.
Post # 14
I would address it if it really bothers you. But this sounds like what parent’s/grandparents typically say, not something meanspirted, and not even particularlly about you. You can politely point out you been the same size and that you always eat well.
Both sides of the family are always making those comments to a wide varity of people. So I don’t see as weird. if it was me I wouldn’t make a big deal about it.
Post # 15
@philodendron: Just don’t respond.
I’ve had the future in-laws make comments too (always female), but I just don’t really acknowledge the subject.
Just brush it off and start up a new convo or act like you didn’t hear them. Eventually, they’ll get the hint that your body shape/weight isn’t up for discussion 🙂
Post # 16
I’d just turn it into a positive. That way it isn’t mean, but it gets the point across that you’re happy with the way you are. I’d say something like, ‘I’ll admit, its pretty nice being able to eat whatever I want and not having to worry about it” because really, what woman wouldn’t be envious of that?