- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
Hello lovely Bees.
I really, really need help with a difficult family situation. The story is very long and involved, spanning over the last three years, but I don’t want to rehash everything so I will give a summary and what pertains to my Future Sister-In-Law.
Fiance grew up in a very neglectful and emotionally hostile household. When Fiance and I started dating, his mother was suddenly very controlling and manipulative. The situation escalated and became way too much for either of us to bear. It was/is evident that she was not interested in having a relationship with my Fiance and did not care about his best interests. He ended the relationship.
His sister is under her mother’s thumb and early in the relationship started snubbing her nose at me. Looking back, she was always very insecure about me being around her long-term boyfriend (who happened to be the son of my aunt/friend figure and brother of my best friend).
My aunt/friend (who I’ve realized was not a true friend) picked up on that tension and exploited it, because she did not like her son’s girlfriend (FSIL). She shared with me many hurtful things that Future Sister-In-Law said about me and shared my insecurities about my place in FI’s family with her. I know, I was stupid to confide in said aunt/friend; we don’t have a relationship anymore. The more I was told, the angrier I got. This was made worse by FSIL’s behavior towards me when were together.
At one point, I had to go to their house to pick up something for Fiance and they slammed the door in my face. I don’t think I have cried that hard since junior high. Now that she is married and moved away from her mom, and now that Fiance and I have a concrete commitment to getting married, I would really like to begin to restore the relationship. There was a point when we got along well and could have been friends.
I have said my share of not so nice things (never bitchy but who knows what she has been told) and I know that I am partially to blame for the huge rift in our relationship. I do think there is hope there, but I don’t even know where to begin. I know I am going to ask her to be a bridesmaid, but I don’t think that the first contact I should have with her after all this time is that. What would you do? There is just so much water under the bridge. I tried to meet with her to seek resolution about a year ago but she declined.
I thought about sending her a short letter or email or message or something and asking for her forgiveness. I don’t feel like the sitiuation is really my fault, but I know I have not always responded with grace and forgiveness. I also know that it was immature to listen to second hand information; I was overly trusting and insecure. My good friends are all in the “let the relationship die” boat, but I guess I want to hold on to the last possible in law relationship on FI’s side. Help?