Post # 1
I posted about two months ago regarding my brothers’ suspicions that my 60 year old father and his 40 year old home-wrecking girlfriend are expecting. A number of you suggested that my brothers and I might be jumping to conclusions. So I let it go.
Well – it’s confirmed, “Karen” is PREGNANT, due at Thanksgiving.
My brothers and I tolerate this woman politely so we don’t ruin our still-fragile post-divorce relationship with our Dad, who we adore, despite the fact that Karen, (who knew my mother well) helped destroy my parents’ 30-year marriage. She never leaves my Dad’s side when we visit, constantly criticizes us and NEVER gives us a moment to spend time with Dad alone.
Yesterday I opened my mail to find an invitation to Karen’s baby shower.
She knows I live 500 miles away, want nothing to do with her and could never attend (and I’d never put out the effort either). But by receiving the invitation – am I obligated to send a present??
Now that she has her hands in my Dad’s bank accounts, she has absolutely no need for financial assistance with baby supplies. Everything on her registry is designer and organic and very expensive.
My best friend joked I should send her a Costco-sized tub of diaper rash ointment and a “good luck” card. Funny, but not a solution that wouldn’t piss off my Dad.
Husband hates Karen too, but says I need to send a present no matter what. Sigh.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
Honestly, if it was me I would do nothing. I don’t think getting invited to any event requires me to send a gift to that person. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t but I don’t feel obligated. Especially in this situation I think the most neutral thing to do is nothing.
Post # 4
Wow that is stressful. Possibly the invite was sent because it would hurt you less to recieve an invitation even when its well known that you couldn’t attend than to find out your were excluded from the shower.
If this happened to me now I would send a gift. My dad also had a new baby when I was 20. I was in college then and didn’t have a cent to spare so I just sent my congratulations.
Post # 5
Honestly I probably wouldn’t send anything.
Post # 6
Personally I think all showers should be banned, because I hate any gathering whose sole purpose is to collect gifts, but until that glorious day, the polite thing for you to do would be to send a gift when you decline. Registries are just suggestions— your father and Karen should be buying everything the baby needs, so don’t feel too obligated to pick an expensive item from the registry. Remember that, regardless of your feelings for Karen, this child will be your step-brother or step-sister, so pick something that you would want to give to your future step-sibling, leaving your feelings for Karen out of it.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t be sending a thing, for so, so many reasons.
Post # 8
This baby is going to be your half brother or sister… so I think you should be nice for the sake of this person who didn’t ask to be born into these circumstances. It’s going to be hard enough having a family in turmoil and a 60 year old dad.
I would send a nice card and then something fun that you would appreciate getting, whether it is on the registry or not. Maybe a gift card to a “My Pictures” place. You can get something there for different budgets.
Post # 9
@soontobemrsemr: SEND HER A BOX OF CONDOMS.
Yes I am a horrible person, but made you giggle? Yes? Anyway, I get that the situation sucks. The only thing I can say is that it’s not this baby’s fault for what his mother did, so try to think of it as your father’s baby instead of “her”, the “evil homewrecker” baby. I don’t know about etiquette, but if you don’t at least extend the olive branch your father is going to get an earful from Karen. Be the bigger person here. You can do it. And you have your FI for moral support.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@sugar_biscuit: +1 – I’m sure they didn’t want to offend you by not inviting you.
I’d just send a rather bland but congratulatory card and leave it at that.
BTW I totally remember that thread! Sorry that it came true :/
Post # 11
don’t reply when she ask why didn’t u rsvp say u never got an invite
Post # 13
If your dad is important to you and you are trying to keep a positive relationship w/ him do what he would want you to do, for him. I went through similar experiences and I had to swallow my pride a time or two for his sake. I now wish I had done it more because he was my daddy, and I his baby girl and he passed 3 years ago. Maybe talk to him first and see what he wants. I agree, I would want NOTHING to do with that woman but sometimes we do what we have to four our real family, even if that means letting someone in we despise.
Post # 14
I would send a card to keep some level of peace and that is all.
Post # 15
@asianbarbie: That missy is a GREAT idea 🙂
Post # 16
I would just send a card. If you’re not attending you shouldn’t be obligated to give a gift. But a card would at least acknowledge it, and seem like a show of good faith to your dad.