How to save my nephew from his alcoholic mother?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@AnonBeeLee:  I would call CPS and/or the police. Something needs to be done and if your brother is okay with going away for 5 days and leaving his child in the care of a woman who is clearly in crisis, he’s obviously not going to be the one to do it.

Post # 5
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@AnonBeeLee:  You should call CPS to investigate. The police likely won’t do anything unless there’s something active going on (ie: you/ a neighbor sees her swerving around the neighborhood). I would strongly suggest looking into AlaTeen/Al-Anon for your nephew and your brother.

 

Post # 6
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@AnonBeeLee:  You guys can’t leave him there for 5 days with her.  Even one day is too much.  Either your brother needs to bring him to you, stay home, or you have to call CPS.  Why risk it?  I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, you will be in my thoughts and prayers!

Post # 7
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@AnonBeeLee:  Is there anyway he could go and stay with someone else for the 5 days? Like at a friend’s house or with you? 

I would have called the cops already- shes drinking and driving, if she doesn’t kill her kid, she’ll kill someone else’s. Call police or CPS. It’s a horrible and difficult sitation to be in but it’s the kind of thing where something truly awful will happen and then everyone will say why didn’t any notice or do anything? Also, make sure your nephew has your number and/or knows to call 911. Can someone get him a cell phone that only makes emergency calls or something if he’s alone with her and he needs help? i’m sorry you’re in this situatiion, even sorrier for your nephew 🙁

Post # 8
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have worked with CPS in the past and they do not automatically remove a child from the home.  They will do a better job of convincing your brother not to take that trip than you.  If he goes away and something bad happens, they would be much more likely to remove him because your brother would be demonstrating poor judgement and neglect.  Sometimes CPS will simply connect a family with resources, require counseling or other services and check up on the family. 

You can call anonymously if you prefer, but please make them aware of the situation.  Seriously call now.

Post # 9
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@AnonBeeLee:  Is there something like a Marchman Act in your state where you can petition the court for her to be ordered to go to treatment?  If you, your family, or your brother don’t do something you are all failing to protect your nephew and should CPS get involved in a few months or next year, they could decide to remove him from the parents and place him in foster care until she successfully completes treatment (they may also require her and your brother to take parenting classes or counseling to determine what the root cause of the alcoholism is.)

Make sure your brother is aware of what he is actually risking by doing this.  Thankfully the child is 11 so I would make sure he knows to call family members if mom is too drunk or being dangerous and to refuse to get in the car with her if she tries to drive drunk with him.

Post # 10
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Maybe you can offer to take him for a “vacation” that week to your house?

Or have your husband ask to be the kid’s to-call person in case of emergency, and have your husband call the police when that poor kid (inevitably) calls with an emergency.

Post # 11
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@AnonBeeLee:  Is there any way you can take him for the week?

If not, I would talk to your nephew and tell him to call you, then police if his mom tries to get in the car. Since the neighbors also know what is going on, I would maybe talk to them?

 

Post # 13
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@AnonBeeLee:  Would an 11 year old be okay staying by themselves at home?

 

For how long?  And do you mean legally or practically?  The legal answer depends on the state.  Some states have very specific laws and others have a broad definition of neglect.

Could you talk to your nephew about finding neighbors he trusts?  So that if something immediate comes up (like mom hit her head) he knows where to run to?

Post # 15
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Generally at 11 I would leave my child home alone if I knew there were people nearby (eg. neighbors) I trusted and the child knew what to do in case of fire/emergency.  You may have a hard time convincing mom to let him stay if he will be alone all day. 

Post # 16
Member
8905 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@AnonBeeLee:  Yikes.  I don’t know what to say.  This is BAD NEWS.  Is your brother gone already?  I would strongly consider driving to their house and just taking that kid – get your brother to fax written permission or something?  Leaving him there is just asking for something terrible to happen.

Especially if you can go home at lunch, I think an 11-year-old is fine at home.  I’m pretty sure my parents left me at home in the summers at that age sometimes.  It sounds like the poor kid is scared as shit, and for good reason, so you would think he’d cooperate with this solution.  Get a bunch of video games and snacks and it can be like a fun goof-off week at auntie’s house.

Otherwise, yeah, I think you should call CPS.  Calling the cops won’t do anything, I don’t think, unless she’s literally getting in the car wasted at that moment.  

If you can possibly keep this in the family and not get CPS involved (yet), by going and getting him or whatever, it seems like that would be preferable….

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