(Closed) How to say "if you don't propose I'm leaving"?

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@atomicmunit:  After 11 years i told hin he needed to make a decision….I am not getting any younger and i will not wait forever…I was prepared to walk.

But some people are different

Post # 4
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

@atomicmunit:  Wow, you haven’t been together very long, is there any particular reasonfor the rush? 

Post # 5
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@atomicmunit:  I think it’s a little soon to boot a guy over not proposing.

Post # 6
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

Hi,

There was a great article in Cosmo on this very topic and it stuck with me. I don’t remember it word for word, but the jist of it was:

Step one: leave articles and magazines about marriage lying around

Step two: Ask him questions about the future, and your future together

Step three: Ask him point blank when he would like to get engaged

Step four: Tell him that you would really like to be engaged to him very soon, and if that doesnt happen soon, what message does he think that sends you?

Step five: Set a timeline and if he doesnt propose by then, then leave. Make sure he knows the timeline.

Post # 7
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

what’s wrong with enjoying your relationship the way it is? There might be a reason he hasn’t proposed. you don’t get married just because YOU want to. What if he’s not the type to propose? Maybe he wants your engagement to be discussed and agreed upon. Its sad to think you would ditch him so quickly.

Post # 8
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee

@laurn88:  That’s exactly what I was going to say

Post # 9
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

@fivemonthsnotice:  wow I really don’t agree with that. It’s basically manipulating and threatening a guy into marrying you. 

why is everyone in such a rush to get married instead of making the most of their relationship the way it is? Like marriage is going to change anything. 

Post # 10
Member
1999 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Well, only you know how long you’re willing to wait.  Whereas this would be too soon for many others to think about giving the boot, it obviously is not too soon for you.  However, why don’t you just have a conversation without issuing any harsh ultimatums? Let him know that marriage is important to you, and that you are ready to take that step soon.  Maybe you should discuss a timeline.  

Post # 11
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@Adams_bee:  Exactly! I’m glad it took us almost 5 years, we’ve slid nicely into the idea and there is no talk of cold feet or what if’s now and there’s no discovering new things or behaviors that might put our marriage on the rocks. It is what it is.

Post # 12
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Have you had a discussion about getting married?  I know you said he’s voiced that he wants to get engaged but I don’t know if that means you’ve both really sat down and talked about what you each want for the future.  As a pp said, tell him that it’s a very important thing for you and give him a deadline.  There is also another great thread somewhere around here that suggests focusing less on whether or not you will get engaged, and more on bettering yourself (ie working out, joining clubs, spending enough time with girlfriends, etc.), which in turn will make him a little antsy too, something like that LoL.

Post # 13
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

Do you want a wedding, or to be married?

Post # 14
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Woah, moving a little fast there, hon. I understand that you want to get married, but do you really want to marry someone before he is ready to get married. I think an ultimatum would be way uncalled for only a year and some into a relationship. You should have a frank discussion about future plans, but I’d lay off the serious pressure for another 2 years or so if it hasn’t happened yet.

Post # 15
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Not enough real info here to give you an appropriate reply… (example, I do think that your ages can make a difference – do you want kids etc)

Long before a couple get engaged they talk about the future, and their lives together as well as marriage

He needs to know your life plan and the timeline that you see yourself working on (towards)

These things make a lot more difference IMO vs how long you’ve known each other, or been dating (1-1/2 or 2-1/2 years is a lot different at 25, 35 or 55)

A lot of the info that @fivemonthsnotice:  has provided here makes perfect sense in addition to just talking about the future as it comes up naturally in day-to-day events & conversations (but again it really can be dependent upon your age etc)

And if you guys are not on the same page, then there is nothing wrong with you needing to move on to find what it is you want in a relationship.  It is what it is, and it is your life to live out as you see fit.

 

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