How to say no…

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

megz06:  I think it would take less time to talk with the Grandma than deal with the child. You don’t have to discuss the whole situtation today, just phone the Grandma and say that you are not able to entertain the girl tonight and could the grandma please ensure that she does not come over?

A child that age shouldn’t be out and about bothering the neighbours at 9:30 ever!

Post # 3
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Whatever, she’s being rude. Be polite and then be rude right back if she won’t listen. You give in to her so she keeps pushing.

 

Am I crazy, or did I see a thread with this same problem a while back? If so, take that tiny child down a peg. Clearly she needs some stern words directed her way

 

Eta. Your dog is gorgeous!!! I love saints!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Rappig.
Post # 4
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

megz06:  Totally agree, there’s not point to attempting to reason with a 7 y/o, esp since you said she’s a handful…not to mention you guys are the adults and when you say no, it means no.  

I know you said you haven’t had time to talk to the grandma, but that’s really want needs to happen.  You allowed this child to bully you by ringing your doorbell and disrupting your infant?  Not a chance.  You said she lives next door?  It would take me but a minute to run over there or call her up and ask her to come to you and tell her this is unacceptable.  This kid shouldn’t be your problem, you have your own family to worry about!    

And not for nothing, but what kind of guardian let’s their 7 y/o march up to someone’s front door at 9:30PM??  That’s unheard of!!        

Post # 5
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee

I agree, talk to the grandma. If you don’t have a phone number, I’d just make the time to go over there tonight… it probably wouldn’t take more than 10 minutes out of your night.

Post # 6
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I would tell her no & then walk her back to her grandparent’s & let them know that you have politely declined & that you can’t keep having her over, especially at 9:30pm!!! 

Post # 8
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Just tell her no and close the door in her face. If she cries, whines or rings the doorbell again, walk her over to her grandmother’s house and have the conversation right then and there. I would never allow my 10 year to bug my neighbors like that, especially at night. 

Post # 9
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

megz06:  Yes!! That was it! Glad to know I’m not crazy. Your previous post really bothered me, so that’s why I remember it! I would have lost my shiz!

Maybe make planned times the little girl can come over, and if she won’t leave take away planned playtimes? I agree you need to talk to her ggrandmother, but if this is the same little girl… It seems like there are some longstanding boundary issues anyway.

Post # 10
Member
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have no other advice that what’s already been said, but I see why the little girl is so insistant on playing with Napoleon…he’s amazing, so I’ll be over tonight around 9:45 to play with him.  If you don’t answer, I’ll keep ringing 😉 lol

 

Post # 11
Member
4944 posts
Honey bee

megz06:  First of all, your dog is AMAZING!! What an incredible, gorgeous, gorgeous boy he is. I think both you and your DH are being amazingly kind and understanding for taking the time to let the neighborhood kids play with him.

Instinctively, I feel like the best thing to do in this situation is talk to the grandparents about the girl’s behavior (which, I know, you mentioned already in your initial post). I agree with what a PP said that, perhaps, you can speak to them quickly tonight to let them know your dog isn’t available for a playdate. And then follow up later with a longer conversation about the girl’s behavior. If you’re not able to speak to them tonight, your best bet might be to not answer the door and ignore the ringing doorbell, no matter how annoying it is.

This might not work in your situation, as it seems the grandparents have little or no control over the girl’s behavior. Or maybe they don’t realize how much she is imposing on you guys. If they don’t or can’t convince the girl to change, you might not have any other option but to be blunt and “rude” in return.

Post # 12
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

That’s insane that she does that. I would be pissed if someone rang my doorbell and woke up my baby, not to mention that I don’t want to babysit someone else’s kid while I have a baby to take care of. Maybe try putting a sign on the door that says either “Napoleon can play” or “Napolean can’t play right now” and let her know to only come over when he can play.

Post # 13
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

Wow. Yeah, I mean, some kids can be sneaky and grandma may not 100% realize that you guys are not okay with it, but if you don’t feel able to stick to your no when the girl comes by, then you’ll have to talk to grandma. But seriously, If you were just quick about it and didn’t really give her a chance to try to weedle you, Be like ‘No sorry, not tonight, we have to go, go back to grandmas, bye’ and close the door. Not 100% polite, but she’s 7. And you need to put your foot down.

Post # 14
Member
2519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

megz06:  Say no, shut the door and if she continues to ring the bell like that walk her over to her grandmas. Then with her standing there say ” I cannot have her ringing the bell ect while I have an infant. This behavior needs to stop now”

Also stop letting her play with the dog  what your husband did was just reinforce the idea that if she is extra whiny she will eventually get her way. We have a neighbor kid who always asks/begs to use our pool- so I understand how hard it can be to be firm with a kid but clearly she isn’t getting the message

And another thing- I would stop letting the kids play with you beautiful dog all together- or atleast have  THEIR parent present . Too much liability.

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