(Closed) how to say no dates allowed?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@shools164: On the RSVP card just put:

“We have reserved 1 seat in your honor”

Then have the response line be:

___ of 1 will attend

You can have an FAQ on your wedding website and have “Can I bring a guest?” be one of the questions. You could put something simple like, “Unfortunately due to capacity constraints we do not have room for extra guests.” That could probably be worded better.

Just to be sure though, you aren’t splitting up social units right? (like inviting a husband and not the wife, or a woman and not her fiance?)

Post # 4
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@shools164:  That’s a tough one.  Can you just address the invitations to them and with an RSVP of 1?  You can also follow up by word of mouth.  Just be honest and say that you want it to be small and close family and friends.

Post # 6
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@shools164: that’s about what I’m doing. But I’ve already had 2 different people write in the name of their SO (who I didn’t know or forgot about!) so what do I do now? I guess let them, since I’m letting other people in the same situation!

I’ve only had one singler person casually say something to me about “finding a date,” so I just told him (nicely) that we weren’t able to accomodate people who weren’t in relationships.

Just make your policy, make it cut-and-dry, don’t make exceptions, and be prepared to call people and tell them they can’t bring a date if they write it in. (but if I had to do it again, I might put the number thing on the rsvp! you probably won’t get any add-ins with that!)

Post # 7
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Address the invites to them & only them (not “So & so AND GUEST”), and mark the number of seats you’ve reserved on the RSVP card (ex. “we’ve reserved 1 seat in your honour” or “__ out of 1 attending”). If they call and ask if they can bring a date, stand firm and say no.

Post # 8
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@shools164: “friends in a relationship where I know the significant others” Ehh…that one’s kind of tricky. The other ones are totally fair — but here is where it gets a bit iffy. It’s still fair, because there’s no reason to invite people you don’t know to your wedding, but the line most people draw is “married, engaged, or living together/been dating X number of years” — that sort of thing. I guess this still works, but I can see guests getting in more of a tizzy about “I didn’t know your boyfriend” than “I’m sorry, we only invited couples who were married, engaged, or living together”.

ETA: Not to say you can’t enforce it, or that it’s not totally rude for them to protest (because it IS) — but I just wanted to explain how the way you’re doing it might get you some flack.

Post # 9
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I thought my friend was cheap when she told me that I couldn’t bring a date. But her reception was in a park and they were having a burrito bar with home made beer. With that being said, I am upset that I am getting all these plus ones when I have so many people to invite. I will say that I have handled it with better tact than she did. When I told her that I wanted to bring a date, she told me “I’m not going to pay $50 for you to bring some random guy and pretend you aren’t single” I thought that was extremly rude. I have told people, “We reserved just one seat in your honor and I will have to get back to you regarding the space because we only have so many we can invite as our families are both huge.” I hope it doesn’t deter people from coming!

Post # 10
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t see the need for a date. I also don’t see the need for single people to go out and find a date for a wedding. Please, we’re adults, we can last a day without a ‘date’. It’s your wedding. You know what the restrictions are both from a personal and financial POV. I think your method sounds fair.

Post # 11
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am doing the same thing. I asked around to my coworkers, friends, etc who are all married.  They all had the same response…you have to think…the people you invite are those you love and want to celebrate with you.  You probably wont know dates, and do you want randoms in the most important pictures of your life?

My response was…like someone above, if you arent married/engaged/dating forever, your date isnt invited.  Bf and Gf are not allowed.

At the end of it, its your decision, and if they do not respect that, oh well!

Post # 12
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Even if you don’t know their significant other, that person should be invited.  They are a couple.  You should not split up social units when creating a wedding guest list.  After all, you’re celebrating love and coupledom, why would you disclude a couple that is also in love?

Post # 13
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Adress the invites to only the person invited.  Don’t mention not being able to bring someone.  If they ask for a plus one just mention that you would love to have them but can’t accomidate anymore guests/  Don’t say something like oh only established couples are getting plus ones.  You should also leave room in your guest list for anyone who finds a bf or gf between now and the wedding.

Post # 14
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@futuremrsfitz18:  I dont think its as cut and dry as that. I have several friends who go back and forth in relationships with people they shouldn’t be with in the first place, as does my FI. Although they will probably still be invited in the end, we both have male friends whose girlfriends are completely worthless and in the relationship solely for financial reasons and if I had my way I would not have to invite someone that I have to force myself to speak to in normal situations haha. So, IMO just b/c they are a couple doesn’t mean they should automatically be included.

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