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how to say this nicely without offending people?

posted 5 months ago in Etiquette
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    Helper bee
    lizzieloverex    January 10, 2004   TX

    We love your kids but dont want them at our reception?

    my FH has over 30 neices and nephews.. so they are all invited to the weedding of course.. but im about to send out invites.. and well the number of kids is more than the number of adults..  i wanna put a little something in the peoples invites that encourages them to leave their kids at home with out seeming to be harsh or rude...

     
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    Honey bee
    helenberrycrunch    January 1, 1992  

    Just call it an adults-only event. Someone's always going to be disappointed that you don't want them to bring their crotchfuit everywhere, but most parents understand that a late evening of drinking and dancing doesn't include kids.

     ETA: but don't actually call anyone's kids crotchfruit. that will probably make them upset. 

     
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    spaniel    March 2010   Los Angeles, CA

    Try "adult reception" at the bottom of the invitation and see what happens. But I don't think you can invite the kids to the wedding and not the reception, unless they're on different days or something?

     
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    CarolinaCola    February 22, 2014   South Carolina

    @helenberrycrunch: I just laughed for about 2 straight minutes at the word "crotchfruit."

    But yes, I do agree that you should just call it an adults-only event. I've seen lots of threads around the bee about ladies who have done this. So maybe do some searching around here of previous posts to find some ideas about how they handled it.

     
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    Brielle    May 22, 2009  

    @lizzieloverex: I know that you really want to invite the children to the wedding but not to the reception.  However, there really is no easy -- or proper -- way to do this.

    The very best way to ensure that friends and family do not bring their children to your reception is to not invite them to the wedding. And, the best way to ensure that there is no confusion as to who from the household is invited is to use both outer and inner envelopes with your invitations.

     
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    LuvMySailor    September 24, 2011  

    @lizzieloverex: When DH and I got married three months ago, we included a note in our invitations that read

    "Due to the reverence of the ceremony and because the reception will extend late into the evening, childen under 13 can not be accomidated at the cermony or reception"

    We only had one child show up to the reception byt thats because it was are 2yo nephew and my DH and I ran out of money for a babysitter :-p

     
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    CarolinaCola    February 22, 2014   South Carolina

    @LuvMySailor: I like the wording that you used.

     
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    andielovesj    August 13, 2011  

    @lizzieloverex: There is no polite way to mention people who are NOT invited.  All you can do is focus on who is invited.

    Be sure to mention the people clearly who are invited on the envelope, and follow up with anyone who includes univited guests on their response.

     
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    Blondetourage    September 8, 2013   Mattapoisett, MA

    @helenberrycrunch:

    omfg...I seriously laughed out loud at "crotchfruit". And I am a mother of 2. :)

     
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    jumpthegun    June 23, 2013  

    @helenberrycrunch: LMAO crotchfruit is the best one I've heard since "f*** trophy".

     
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    kelmac    September 26, 2009   Ontario, Canada

    There are some great suggestions above but regardless, someone will probably be pissed. We had no children at our wedding and I don't regret it for a second.

     
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    meowcifer    September 21, 2014  

    I absolutely agree that you should not have the children at the reception.  To be honest, they'll probably cause more chaos than you need.  I would recommend writing something on the invitation similar to what Luvmysailor mentioned.  Make sure you leave a number attending option on your RSVP and if any come back with a number which indicates more than just adults will be attending, you can come to them privately to discuss the issue.

    Or you can do what my FI & I are doing, which is simply stating on the invitation "Please, no guests under 21," which makes more sense since we are having our wedding at a vineyard and the reception is a wine & cheese tasting.  Also, everyone knows we hate kids!

     
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    Jamie42003    June 2, 2012   Minnesota

    Be prepared for people to be pissed and not show up because they do not have anyone to watch the kids. I remember my cousin did this at her wedding a people were really mad and talked a lot of sh*t. Then someone brought a newborn and it caused quite a bit of drama.  Do what you want though just be prepared.

     
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    MerryWidow    July 21, 2012   Saratoga, NY

    OMG I just laughed so hard at crotchfruit that my FI heard me from the other room, LMAO!!

    Yes, someone will always be upset about not inviting children, but honestly it's YOUR reception.  I like the wording the PP suggested, makes it nice and happy...

     
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    honeyoats22    December 2011   Florida

    @helenberrycrunch: LOL

     
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    Miss Godiva    June 1, 2012   California

    @helenberrycrunch: you've got me laughing my ass off at CROTCHFRUIT!

    OP: Adults Only Reception. That's all you've got to say ;-) When people call and ask, beause they probably will, just let them know due to space/budget/alcohol/whatever-it's-really-none-of-their-business-reason-you-decide that it'll be a kids free night!

    Oh, and good luck!

     
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    spaneshal    October 19, 2012   UK

    @helenberrycrunch: Kinda funny because thats where babies come from, haha. OH wait we ALL came from there, :O

     
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    Busy bee
    csperry2    October 6, 2012   Marietta, GA

    I put this on our website: 

    "Although we love the little ones, this will be an adults only affair"

    I have heard that it's tacky to put anything on the invitation itself -- but I can see the appeal! I am DIYing our invites and have seriously considered printing a few with "adults only reception" for some guests who I think will be particularly offended that they can't bring their kids. We will see!

     
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    csperry2    October 6, 2012   Marietta, GA

    I have also seen it worded "Reception to follow... sweet dreams to those under sixteen" which I kind of like too. 

     
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    juliasoko    April 7, 2012  

    I will definitely be stealing some of the wording ideas for my invitations as long as I can persuade my fh. He is convinced that if we have the flower girl (his niece that we are both very close to) and a ring bearer (his god son) at the reception, we must invite every other child in the family. How is everyone handling that? Will you have the kids from the bridal party at the reception and is it ok to still call it "adults only" affair if you do?  

     
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    Busy bee
    lisha_1988    November 3, 2012   Perth, Australia

    Id say speak to their parents hun.

    We did and all of the parents actually asked them not to be invited!

     
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    Blushing bee
    TwinABee    April 19, 2013   DC Metro Area (Getting Married on a Cruise Ship!)

    @helenberrycrunch:  Crotchfruit!  Bwah ha ha ha ha!!!  That is seriously the funniest thing I've heard in weeks!  Love it!

     

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