Post # 1
My guy is pretty great… Except that he doesn’t attempt to do much that could be considered romantic. It makes me feel taken for granted and pretty worthless. I try to be sure I plan at least one romantic evening a month for us, which is always a one-sided affair. He says he greatly enjoys these… But he never reciprocates, whether through flowers, or volunteering a backrub, or making dinner with me, or even helping me do the dishes of his own volition. I feel like I’m slacking when I don’t go to extra effort to make him feel wanted, so trying to match his level of interest just makes me feel worse. How do I mention this without attacking him?
Post # 3
Mine is the same way. He’s sweet and kind, but does not have a romantic bone in his body.
Honestly, I just had to tell him straight out that I needed him to be more romantic once in awhile. Guys (well, at least my guy) don’t get subtlety.
It didn’t cause a fight between us or anything, and he has stepped up a little bit, which is a huge improvement.
Post # 4
You might as well be telling my story here! My guy is not the most romantic in the world… that said, he shows his love for me in other ways.
He is always happy to do the family events, and see our friends, go to do whatever weird activity I have got in my head to try.
I have told mine before that I want more romance, but for him that simply is going out to dinner together.
I recently read the 5 love languages by Dr Gary Chapman and I found that really interesting as it gave me a better insight as to how he expresses his love. It is obviously different from the way that I express mine! I highly recommend it 🙂
Post # 5
It’s been hard because I can’t help comparing him to my ex (!!!!) from years ago who was super romantic and always doing thoughtful things…
I don’t know how to ask him to be more romantic either without it being really contrived. I feel like those sorts of things should come naturally.
I think ‘going away’ for a while does nice things for our relationship and refreshes it. When I am not around for a weekend or more FI misses me a lot and appreciates me I think our love grows more with absence. Otherwise, we both tend to take each other for granted a bit.
Post # 6
Say, “honey, i want some more romance. Can I suggest________?” and then explain why. TELL HIM it’d be nice once in awhile if he did things like bring you flowers, that you like to be wooed, and maybe you’d be, er, thankful in ways he appreciates to. Just TELL HIM. Communicate it.
Post # 7
I have had this same problem. I mean, it’s not that SO isn’t thoughtful, because he’s super thoughtful all the time, but I guess I am kind of a classic romantic and would appreciate being wooed once in a while.
I brought this up pretty forthrightly with him (this is just my nature) and he wasn’t offended by it at all, just clarified with me that he has different ways of showing how much he loves me. Nevertheless, I guess he took what I said and ran with it because he told me today he’s got some sort of romantic plan in the works :).
Maybe mention some of the things he does regularly or has done in the past (even just little things) that have made you feel really loved, and then drop some hints about some other things he could do to make you feel that way. I think any guy appreciates ideas and hints once in a while since we all know they can be pretty clueless about a lot of things women want.
Post # 8
The way I deal with this is to ask my boyfriend to plan a date night. He can’t think of things on the fly so a couple times a month I’ll ask him to plan a date sometime in the next week or so. It’s not a surprise or anything, but just him planning something makes me feel better. It’s never really anything big- just dinner and maybe an activity (bowling, mini golf, movie). I make the suggestion, and he picks the day and the details. And I usually look forward to our dates for days! 🙂
Post # 9
If you want him to be more romantic you just have to say it. Be straight forward and honest, and offer a few examples. “I’d love it if you would plan a night out for us.” or “I love getting flowers on random days.”
A word of warning though: I’ve had this conversation with my boyfriend several times and although he’ll do something sweet right after it quickly goes back to the status quo. He is not romantic at ALL. He does do the dishes on nights that I cook, and does take me out on little dates, but he NEVER says ‘I love you’ first, and gifts are usually bought last minute and don’t tend to have a lot of thought or romance to them.
Oh well. I learned that this is just who he is a few years ago and I deal with it. I usually just buy myself gifts for my birthdays or around Valentine’s day. And now I just tell him to tell me he loves me so that he says it first. 🙂
Post # 10
I have tried to talk to FH about this a lot and it goes no where. And Im not looking for over the top romantic because I HATE that. I just want to be more appreciated. And FH gets mad and says he does TONS of stuff but when I ask what he does I get the same answer TONS of stuff….. sigh
Post # 11
Yeah… He doesn’t even help with the dishes when I cook (which is always), unless I specifically ask. I’m going to ask him to plan a date night.
What really brings this up is that I just hit the halfway point in re-writing my novel, and we had agreed to go to the beach as sort of a reward. Except that two weeks before I hit the halfway point, he started inviting a bunch of people to join us. First, that makes it so we can’t just call it off if I don’t hit my goal, and therefore not related. Second, I don’t enjoy hanging out in groups. If an outing ends up with more people than my comfort level, I usually end up drinking so I don’t snarl at anyone. Also, this weekend, which we were supposedly spending at home to recuperate from a wedding the previous week, a friend asks us to go bowling (it’s usually him, his wife, and us). I wasn’t really up for being social, but I decided to see if a nap would make me less irritable. So I get up and go “OK, sure, I’ll go.” And when we get there – “Oh, there are a dozen in our party.” So any chance I had at celebrating my achievement was shattered because he wanted to stay home, so instead we went out with a crowd of people??? Had I known in advance, we could have gone to lunch at the place down the street, but no.