Post # 1
So the issue my fiance and I are having deals with the issue of having children at the wedding. We both agree that we don’t want kids under a certain age to come because they’ll be more disruptive than pleasant to have. We aren’t having a flower girl or ring bearer either, so the kids thing isn’t an issue there. I like kids enough, but in my own personal opinion, I’d much prefer to have a wedding where the adults can kick back, drink, and have fun without worrying about kids around. I have incredibly bratty second cousins (no neices/nephews on my side for me) who disrupt family gatherings all the time, so I know our wedding will be no exception. For my side of the family, it’s easy. We just say no children under X please (in a more eloquent way though, and I know it’s considered rude to state an adults only reception, but i’d rather risk that, than have cousins RSVP back adding their children and dealing with an even more awkward phone call). However, on his side, he has a couple of second cousins who are bratty as well, but his gets trickier. His parents are divorced, and his dad is in engaged to a woman who has a 10 year old son, and an older daughter with a daughter who is 6. I don’t mind them because they’re well behaved, but I know making an exception will cause a rift on my side. I still think we should stand by no children at all under a certain age, but how can my fiance not invite his soon to be step brother and step neice? People have suggested including them in the wedding, but that is not an option. Has anyone else conquered this sort of dilemma/can give helpful advice?
Post # 3
@AlmostMrsJPS: We said on our invites “this is an 18 and over affair.” Our wedding was not child appropriate (late evening w/full open bar), however we did make the exception for 2 infants that would be traveling with their parents.
Post # 4
We have on our wedding website, that was included on our save the dates we sent 6 months out “this is an adults only event” then on our RSVP cards we will also include our website again and at the bottom” please respect this is an adults only event”. If you want his niece and nephew there just invite them. Just don’t make it public they are coming, and on the day of you’re going to be so busy youre not going to even care and certainly no one is going to confront you on your wedding day about akid being there. We have 3 kids coming but they are bridal party and leaving after the cake is cut. It’s your wedding invite who you want. The best thing I did for my stress level was to say “screw it. This is our wedding the we are paying for it’s our day to do what WE want”.
Post # 5
That’s tough. The step siblings sound like an exception to the rule. I understand that your side would get upset – I don’t understand the nerve of people sometimes. It’s your day – you invite whomever you want and there should be no consequences.
Have you thought about having the wedding open to children and then having an adults-only reception?
I didn’t want kids at mine so we’re having a destination wedding at an adults-only resort. They won’t be able to book a room unless they’re 18 and my travel agent would be the one to red flag it so I’m off the hook lol.
Post # 6
@housebee: I would agree there and think that’s enough of an excuse to not bring children. But from the feedback we’ve sorta heard from a few closer family members on the situation, late night + alcohol (full bar, so there’s people drinking liquor and we’re expecting it to get a little wild) is not enough to deter some of them.
@Italiandoll: We were thinking of doing that too, but I have an INCREDIBLY outspoken set of people on my side that would be snarky enough to say something to me. My grandparents will probably walk out on the ceremony once they realize the person marrying us is my fiance’s best friend, and not a minister. The same grandparents who said it’s incredibly distasteful to use kraft paper in wedding invitations…which is exactly what we’re doing, so unfortunately, my aunts/cousins are just as outspoken as them, so I can expect them to come up to me in the midst of everything and still complain.
@berwickm23: We’ve considered possibly doing a ceremony open to children and close off the reception to only adults…however, we decided against that because we didn’t want our guests with kids to have to leave early simply because they had to take their kids home or go back to the hotel. We had even considered hiring a day of babysitter, but it’s just not in our budget.
Like I said, I could very easily say adults only for my side and no questions asked. But if my family sees that and then there are kids there, REGARDLESS of the status of how that person fits into the family, my incredibly rude and outspoken family, no doubt will have a say in the matter. Can’t pick your family unfortunately…
If I had it my way, I’d invite all the friends who mean more to us and are there for us to celebrate our marriage instead of the family members only coming to judge my colors, ideas, and get free food and alcohol.
Post # 7
I agree with making an exception for the step siblings, but make sure someone can take them if your reception goes past 8-10pm!
And I would put:
A Sixteen and Over Reception
To Immediately Follow
Post # 8
@AlmostMrsJPS: we invited children based on relation. First cousins were invited no matter how old and second cousins weren’t invited at all. I’ve been told that was rude but we had to draw the line somewhere. I think it’s okay to invite his soon to be step siblings based on family relationships.
Post # 9
@MrsBeck: How was it that you worded that? Because practically speaking, it makes the most sense for our situation, and even though some people will definitely get offended, I’d like to see how you went about handling that.
Post # 10
@AlmostMrsJPS: Can you count the step kids as your FIS siblings ( through marriage, kind of) ? That way if people complain you can say children of immediate family members were invited.
I would just invite them and if people at the wedding say something, just say yes we invited his fathers children. What can they do at that point? I sure as heck wouldn’t care if they were offended, its your wedding and you can invite whoever you want.
Post # 11
@Boxerlover24: I dig it. Isn’t it so annoying how a day thats supposed to be a great day, ends up with more people getting offended in the end. Oh well, that seems to be the best way to cut the complainers short. Thanks!
Post # 12
@AlmostMrsJPS: we didn’t actually say “adult reception” but on our RSVPs we wrote ___ of # (that we filled in) attending. That way it was very clear that their kids weren’t invited.
Post # 13
Don’t cut it off at an age, cute it off at a relation. We are only inviting immediate family children. That way the brother and niece get invites. Second cousins are pretty far removed relatives, so you should be fine.
We are also having a reduced kids reception, but we are cherry picking. I have no problem explaining it to people who’s kids aren’t on the guest list. “We invited the kids we wanted to attend our wedding.” The end.
Post # 14
If he didnt grow up with these kids, they are stepsiblings in name only. I think he should talk to his dad. Dad may not care about the kids being invited.
Post # 15
@Italiandoll: +1 we put it on our website