How to stop being "short" with FI

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@blustarlet15:  

1. Don’t say something stupid.

2. Help around the house

3. Get off the couch

4. Smile more

I kid, but kind of not.  I can snap at my husband and him at me.  All it takes is a “what’s really bothering you?” or an ass-grab and bear hug.  Recognizing that you’re being foul is the first step.  Everyone has off days.  Home is an easy place to let go because you’re comfortable, you just have to make an effort to make it a safe place. 

Post # 4
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@blustarlet15:  Pre marital counselling is a great idea for everyone. Most of us can use improvement in our communications with people in our life. Be sure to ensure that your counsellor includes a thorough section on communication, or tke a separate communication course.

Post # 5
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

@almostmrsj:  +1! SO is almost never this way with me, but I certainly get that way with him sometimes, and it tends to last for a few days until I can get my perspective back. It’s easy to get caught up in the little things, but realizing what really matters can be difficult. And what really matters is that you love each other and that you’re together.

Premarital counseling is definitely a good idea, because it can help you figure out the best way to handle these situations when they arise, because they certainly will continue to arise even in the best of couples. 

 

Post # 6
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@blustarlet15:  when my SO is doing something that bugs or NOT doing something I want him to I make a point to say something sweet to him first. Like “Honey, I love you desperately but please stop leaving the cheese out because it gets gross” or i “trade” things like “if you vacuum while I’m gone i will clean the bathroom!”. I also sometimes promise “free milk” ( because he hasn’t “bought the cow” yet!) if he does something. Really I guess I’m saying try flirting with him to change behavior. It’s much more pleasant than fighting. 

Post # 7
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We just went through a period like this (we were both furloughed and not having any income is an incredibly stressful experience that really tested our nerves). We fought twice in 8 days, when we maybe fight once a year. It was very odd for us, and we had to step back and recognize that we were clearly off our game. What helped us was to come up with a plan for how we would handle a situation the next time it occurred. If one person raised his/her voice, it was the other person’s role to say, “We are raising our voices. Let’s pause for a moment to collect ourselves and then talk this out.” Funny enough… once we came up with our game plan we never had to use it. Stepping back and analyzing the situation, acknowledging the outside stressors that were leading us to be snippy, and coming up with a plan to handle everything as a team helped us break the cycle. It’s no fun when you are in the cycle, but you can work through it together and come out stronger for it.

Post # 8
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m usually super sarcastic to my husband and I don’t try to be. It’s usually when he comments on something I am opinionated on.

1. My cure was to stop before I responded. It was something I had to consciously do at first, now it’s natural. Before I respond, I take three to five seconds to speak. This allows my “Knock off the sarcasm” barrier to come into my brain and I can formulate a much more reasonable reply.

 

2. Help? That seems to be pretty obvious. “Hey, I’m gonna do the dishes, can you help me/take out the trash/grab the vacuum/take out the dog/wipe off those dust bunnies”? After all, it’s about compromise. Not everyone is a self starter, so if you start the machine, people will help maintain it.

 

3. Why is this even a thing? Why bother saying this?

 

4. This would be a huge red flag for me. If my husband felt negatively towards me (or about me), we would not be married. This is not healthy behavior. Isolate why you’re doing this (Both of you) and eliminate it.

Post # 10
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MexiPino:  FI is really good about this with me… In turn, instead of getting passive agressive with him over stuff I’d want him to do, I try and do the same thing.  We were really biting at each other over every little thing around this time last year and we’ve worked on it and it’s gotten much better.

Post # 12
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@mrs_pudding_pop:  Yeah, before SO I was pretty bitchy to my previous boyfriends because they were bitchy to me. When we first met I had the urge to snap at him a lot, but he was always so sweet to me that I felt HORRIBLE if I was mean. He really did make me want to a better person, which I always thought was a cliche!

Post # 13
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MexiPino:  I hear ya…lol  The day that lightbulb went off I was all “so Jack Nicholson did have a point in As Good As It Gets, eh?” 😉

Post # 14
Member
362 posts
Helper bee

We have this exact same thing going on, we never argue about anything major or have any major issues but seam to get in “nothing fights”.  Really it’s more just beig sarcastic and bikering like an old married couple over stupid things.  I’m not sure how to fix it exactly but we just try and have more positive communication.  Also it makes a big difference how outside things are interfering at the moment, ex on vacation this is much less common than when were both stressed and things aren’t going right so I’ve been working on being more productive and better with money to eliminate stress

 

Post # 16
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This happensa a good deal with us.

For me, the best solution is to make a good, conscious, actual effort to be nice, even if the other person isn’t.

 

That makes the other person be nice to you.

 

For example: you see there’re dishes in the kitchen. He was supposed to do them. You wash them yourself and then with a big smile you ask him if he could please fold the laundry. Chances are he’ll do it.

 

If you’re nice even when you don’t feel like it he’ll be nice in return.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors