- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
DH and I have been working on our past issues and all is going well except for one thing that still bothers me….I seem to “care too much what other people think of us” whereas it doesn’t bother him. I really think people wonder WHY we are even together….sometimes I wish they could see us alone!
1) I’m into (light) PDA…holding hands, touching his knee during dinner, a peck before saying goodbye, etc. DH was never really into this but he’s come around. Most of the couples we hang out with also show PDA slightly. However, if I’m holding his hand and he sees something, he’ll drop it to point stuff out to the others…I’ll wait til he’s done and grab it again. Usually I only do this a couple of times before I just quit trying…btw, DH has told me he likes that I initiate PDA…but I get frustrated when I get turned down. Meanwhile the other couple is laughing, holding hands, gazing into each others’ eyes…and DH is looking like a giant 5 yo trying to get their attention.
At home, he’s Mr. Touchy Feely…holds me on the sofa, hugs me in the kitchen, etc. When I’ve mentioned this, he says he feels like others will be grossed out (holding hands??) but yet, these people have no problem doing it…the only time he’s initiated is when there is some single guy/s around…I don’t notice but he’ll tell me later that they were checking me out.
2) At home, when we get into an argument, we hash it out and everything is good. But when we’re out, I don’t stand up for myself…I become passive. The couple of times I’ve said anything, he says it comes off as “bitchy” and I really don’t know how to respond to some of his (brash) snarky comments w/o seeming bitchy.
3) There are times when the lack of PDA/closeness of us makes it seem as though we aren’t together. The most recent incident happened at a wine tasting w/his coworkers where he sat (next to me) but at a different table…essentially separating us…I wasn’t too happy that he chose that seat since there were other chairs. The lady next to him (single, 40s) starts talking to him…I can’t really be in the convo b/c of the seating arrangements.
He’s carrying on w/her like she’s a coworker, I can tell she’s starting to flirt w/him…asking him where he works (by the way they’re talking I assumed he knew her), asking him to show her around, giggling, playing w/her hair, then her blouse…I’m talking to the other couples but I’m waiting for him to say something. I guess he didn’t get it…she introduces herself, he responds, then introduces me…she was like “Ohhhhhh”…the look on her face was shock that he was married. I’m not sure who she thought I was but b/c he was talking to her the first 15 minutes of the dinner and not me…she assumed we weren’t a couple. I think she maybe said a couple more words to him and then ignored him the rest of the night.
I know that incident isn’t entirely his fault…I mentioned later that she seemed surprised he was married…he said “yeah I noticed..what’s up w/that?” So I told him that 1) he chose a seat that essentially “broke us up” as a couple and 2) didn’t say two words to me in the beginning.
A day or so after that, I mentioned that people “sometimes” get the impression that we aren’t together or at the very least…upset w/each other since there’s no closeness at all. He seems to think that we can be out in public without being so into each other…he considers it rude to ignore others…I told him it’s rude to ignore your spouse. He DID mention that I need to say something but WHAT?? HOW?? w/o coming off passive/bitchy/etc.
I honestly feel like IF I can figure out a calm, polite way to tell him what/how I’m feeling, I won’t care what others think of us…