- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
Every time I post, I feel like I sound very silly and ridiculous, but hear me out.
I barely new my current fiance on out first date in June 2012, and that night we learned all about each other. He told me he had recently cheated on and broken up his girlfriend of 8 years (lots of big off and on spans) and that he had gotten really trapped, the relationship had been sour for years, and they never once even talked about marriage.
We started dating that night, fell for each other hard, and now we’re engaged. Of course it’s crazy what a difference those attitudes toward marriage are. When I met him, he didn’t want to even get married at all, he didn’t want to do long-distance with me, he didn’t want to be exclusive…etc. I have no doubts that he loves me and I’m not jealous of this ex or in any way think she’s a threat (she just got married, herself).
But, I just cannot shake this thing in which every time he tells a story from college or his early twenties or that period of his life, I just think about her and how she fit into the stories, and how his happiness might of had things to do with the relationship.
I worry that you never really shake a first love, that he’ll always think of her no matter what or somehow be sad that things didn’t work since they were together for 8 years. To me, he might as well have been married.
And, it makes me sad to think of all the think that we didn’t have together (illogical, I know, but just the sentiment) and to think she was the one who got to support him for those years, and knows him so much longer than I do, and knows little things about him and his upbringing that I will never know, as they were high school sweet hearts.
Sigh. he assures me all the time that he never thinks of her, he loves me more than he ever loved her, that our relationship is so much better and we can talk about so many more things. But I just always dwell on the 8 years part. How can I compare?