- 4 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
I went anonymous for this one, and my wedding date is changed also. Just dont want anyone linking this to me in the future, if i end up posting anything with my photo etc on my normal account.
This is really really long, sorry!
Im 21, and have been in serious relationships since i was 15.
1 of these i was underage and it was sexually manipulative from an older guy, 1 was outrightly violent and sexually abusive. In 2 i lost my sex drive:
Bf 4 & 5 – this is where the sexual difficulties started. I found that with Bf4 after about a year i sort of lost my sex drive. It obviously caused problems but we got over it. Bf5 – i lost my sex drive with him about 8 weeks in. I have a longstanding history of depression and was in Citalopram at the time so my Dr thought it was the meds and changed them – nothing improved so im now off all anti-depressants. I should have ended it then but im quite a weak person, and just let it drag on, despite the fact that i actually felt sick trying to be sexual with him and was left feeling angry/terrible after.
Then i met my fiance, got on fantastically and fell in love etc. Its worth mentioning that when we first met he had some sexual difficulties (wasnt able to maintain an erection long enough to do anything), he then deployed for 3 months, and this resumed for about a month or so after he returned. We had talks about it (i was upset at first that he just wasnt attracted to me) but i waited and then it suddenly stopped and it got better. We just chalked it down to the seriousness of the relationship as he had never been in one before. Intimacy with him was great for the first year – incredible sexual chemistry and attraction.
Then it all started to stop. Its been a year of reduced/lack of sex drive now. This occured when :
1. I had cryoablation on my cervix for a cervical ectropion (benign contact bleeding)
2. My BCP was switched from Yasmin to Cerazette.
We went through the whole “Is this my depression?” “is it the relationship?” business and i dont think it is, as those things vary and dont seem to link to my sexual dysfunction.
Ive come to the conclusion that its my pill. I offered to go straight to the Dr to change it but FI doesnt want me to, because my Uni exams are 5 weeks away, and hes worried the hormone changes might make my mood unstable etc. So despite his protests im going to go to the Dr about it right after my exam. I guess ill have to just use condoms, though im not sure because i also have PCOS and i think im supposed to take the OCP to control that?
Either way we are having HUGE fights about this almost every day. He is always trying to initiate sex/randomly feeling me up even when im trying to sleep/openly trying to make me feel guilty/outright asking me for sex and getting upset when i say no. Ive tried trying to get myself into the mood – doesnt work as i have NO sex drive. I tried just going along with it for his sake and i end up either crying during/afterwards or feeling numb or depressed. So i dont feel like those are options now.
I just dont know what to do. How can i stop my relationship from feeling so bad and all these fights (which i feel only compounds the situation) when i cant have sex? He was so tolerable at first, but i guess its been going on a while now.
I should clarify that the longest hes ever had to go was 3 weeks, and at present its about the once a week mark (though most times i have no desire, and end up doing it just to placate him or stop an imminent fight).
Oh and i suggested seeing a counsellor and FI said no, he thinks its just throwing money at someone who wont be able to help anyway, and ‘we dont need it’.
Sorry for such a long message. I just dont know what to do!?
Please help me bees!