(Closed) How to Survive a Long Engagement?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My engagement will be almost 2 years by the time my fiance and I get married this April. It actually went by really fast and it was nice to be able to save money and have plenty of time to plan everything. Don’t let other people get you down about being engaged young. It is a decision you made and the people who care for you will support you. Also if something did happen along the way and you changed your mind it would be ok. Perhaps a longer engagement is even better for you because it gives you both the opportunity to continue growing together as a couple before making the ultimate committment.

Post # 4
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My engagement will be almost 2 years by the time I get married, and we waited until we graduated college to even get engaged. We have been dating since we were 16 and spent all 4 years of college in an LDR. If you had asked me if I wanted to marry FI when I was a freshman I would have said yes. We knew what we wanted and it was just a matter of waiting until a financially appropriate time in our lives to have it. Don’t let other people get you down, and make sure you enjoy the college experience while you’re there. I went out and did a lot of new things and made new friends and I’m so glad I took advantage of that time the way I did.

Post # 5
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think everybody’s situations are different, you know? I had a friend get married last year, and she had been with her fiance since eighth grade (although a lot of people thought they shouldn’t have gotten married, but I digress). All I can tell you is my experience — if I had gotten engaged as a freshman in college, I would have wholeheartedly regretted it. College is such an awesome time, a stressful time, and it’s going to change you. It’s going to change your FI too. That doesn’t mean that the two of you won’t change and grow together, but you will be different. The amount I changed between the ages of 18 and 25 was ASTRONOMICAL.

Being engaged myself, it’s really stressful. If I could offer anyone advice, it would be to date for a long time and have a shorter engagement (rather than vice versa).

Post # 6
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My engagement will almost be 2 years by the time we get married this year. My FI graduated college in 2012, and I will graduate this May. We wanted to wait until we both had graduated from college in order to get married.  My parents were particularly happy with this because they specifically asked, and kinda prodded, us to wait until I graduated to get married. I totally understand how you feel! It is a LONG road to wait. Planning a wedding and going to college can  be hard sometimes. I just spaced out everything so I had something to look forward to. Like every month I had a different wedding task, or more, to do. It made it more fun because we were able to plan what we wanted to!

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Enjoy yourself! We have been engagned longer then we have been dating. I think if you guys can’t support yourself right now it is absolutly the right choice to wait.  Don’t look at it as a negative. Maybe get a little part time job or summer jobs to save up for the wedding, work on projects, and just enjoy being engaged and in love.

Post # 8
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

My best friend and her FI will be getting married this spring on the 3-year anniversary of his proposal. Though they’ve known they wanted to be married for years, due to him being in medical school they’ve had to put it off. And even now, this wedding is more for insurance purposes than anything else – it’s not the big ceremony they want to have, just a small family affair in the backyard before her sister’s college graduation.

It’s going to be tough, but you can weather through it. My friend has, and even though it’s been hard their relationship is as strong as ever.

Post # 9
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@GreenSkittle:  honestly? You just get through it. The best part about a longer engagement is that you can have time to really think out what kind of wedding you want. Gather as much information as possible to help you later on down the road. I would also set a budget now. I wouldn’t make any major decisions right now, because your tastes and style with change.

I didn’t start planning for real (visting venues, etc) until summer 2012. FI and I are having a 4 year engagment, and it sucks…but we’re almost there now!

eta: have you thought about postponing your wedding longer? I can’t imagine the stress of graduating, planning a wedding and trying to find gainful employment for the first time

Post # 10
Member
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Think of all the fun college memories you’ll get to make together! And once you finish waiting, I bet you can convince your parents to give you guys an AWESOME wedding for respecting their wishes!

Post # 11
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My engagement will be over 2 years by the time we get married.  We’re saving up and paying for the wedding ourselves though, so I just look at it as more time to save up and more money we have for the wedding (which means more things we want that we can have!).  Even though you’re both in school currently, you two could try setting some money aside for the wedding so that you can make sure you have the things you want. 

Post # 12
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My mother advised me to enjoy this time being engaged as its (likely/hopefully) the one and only time you will be.

Post # 13
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We will have been engaged for 2 years and 8 months by the time we get married! That is longer than our relationship up until this point! We started dating in 2010. Part of me is sad that we wont be able to have a wedding soon, but the other part of me knows that its for the best! Enjoy being engaged! Planning the wedding is half the fun! You’ll have plenty of time to make your special day perfect!Smile

Post # 15
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@GreenSkittle:   There’s a difference between someone offering their honest opinion and being rude. I don’t see that anyone has been rude.

Post # 16
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

FI and I are 2 years through a 4 year engagement – when we get married, I’ll have two degrees and he’ll have been out of school and working for two years. It used to bother me sometimes that we had such a long engagement. Some people probably think it’s silly. I certainly don’t feel I have to care that some people feel that way. We have been planning, and in a very leisure way. Also, people forget about the length of the engagement after a while and no one seems to care at all once the novelty wears off. Ha 😛

 

It actually feels so great to be able to do things at such a pace. I’m also really pleased that we’ll be so financially stable when we do marry. We have a lot of friends that are getting married before being done with school or just after graduation without much in the way of savings. That doesn’t appeal to me, and to me that is the silly choice.

People think you’re young because you are, and that’s definitely not bad. I can tell you that I changed a lot between my first year of university and now (…fifth year); so has my FI. We’ve grown as people, but we’ve done it together, and you definitely can, too! Being young, a long engagement gives you time to grow and come into your own. It also seems like a nightmare when people marry while they’re both in school. I don’t envy that road, because it looks tough.

Enjoy being happy together! 🙂

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