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You can't invite some kids and not others without offending people. At this point, there's nothing that can be done because folks will think you are playing favorites when you tell them they can't bring their kids and then see other guests' kids in attendance.
Yikes, I think that usually the advice is to be a bit more specific on the invitation, like "Adults-only reception to follow." I'm not sure how I would handle this, perhaps try to describe that you venue has a limited capacity, and in order to have all of the most special people to you present, you and your fiance decided to keep it adults-only. I'm sure some other bees will have more suggestions, as this seems to be a fairly common problem. Good luck!
Well to lighten the load do you have some support from FI or FMIL (for his friends and family) and your mom for some of her relatives? Then you can tackle your friends and some cousins.
I would just call them and say, " Oh I'm so sorry for the confusion/misunderstanding. We have a pretty tight capacity at Rosebrook Mansion. So we didn't add kids to the wedding list. I'm sorry if that's an inconvenience. I hope we can still count on you and Mike to come."
The only person who understands where I'm coming from is my aunt. She doesn't take a lot of stuff either so maybe I should assign that role to her.
I would just call them and say, " Oh I'm so sorry for the confusion/misunderstanding. We have a pretty tight capacity at Rosebrook Mansion. So we didn't add kids to the wedding list. I'm sorry if that's an inconvenience. I hope we can still count on you and Mike to come."
Good words Tanay ^^^ we had to do the same thing and it worked. I thought the specific name on the inner envelope was THE CLUE, but obviously it wasn't just with our guests.
@Tanya123 - Nope. My FI thinks our wedding should be a free - for - all and extra guests can just stand or eat off of someone elses plate (Don't know what's going on in his head) and I think everyone else is used to weddings that are held in a church with the reception in the church basement with cake and punch and everyone is welcome to come. So basically I look like the b**ch that is just trying to restrict who and who can't come.
I'm so sorry. In my circle it's so common to have adult only receptions. NO one has a problem with it.
You wanna dump your guests and invite my family instead? :)
Well def get your aunt to help. If they question this "new age philosophy" of yours tell them you've done a lot of research or have been to weddings, where brides had trouble narrowing down their guestlist (capacity or budget) and facing this problem this was the only way to make sure to include the families of those closest to you both. (And figured young kiddoes wouldn't even really be interested. And if you misjudged that one your "truly sorry but can't change it at this point".)
Perhaps to make it up to them, you can make up cute little treat bags for the kids. And the parents can take them home to them.
I know I'm in the minority here but I think it's fine to have children in the bridal party - or children of those in the bridal party - at the reception but not other guests' children. Those kids are obviously close to you, so you shouldn't be made to feel guily about having them there and not children who you might hardly know. I'd just ring the others and say 'I'm really sorry, but apart from a few exceptions in the bridal party, we really can't accommodate children. I hope you can still join us'.
just blatantly say what one of the other bees worded earlier - im sorry but due to space restrictions, we can NOT accomidate children or extra people. sorry if that dissapoints you but there is nothing we can do at this point. i hope you will still come! :)
and leave it at that.
I agree with @spaganya, tell them you can't fit the extra people. I think it is fine to invite some children and not others as long as they fall into well defined categories like "children of people in the bridal party" or "children that are actually related to me", etc.
And for the record, I do NOT understand how they could have misread the RSVP. I think they are rude.
I agree with worldfairy, but for a different reason. Bridal party participants play a special role for the couple. Guests have the choice of coming or staying home. Bridal party has made a promise to the couple to stand up for them and inviting their children can help them fulfill this commitment in a number of ways.
Well - Here's a different idea for you... You had mentioned that there is a lower level... You could allow the kids to come but make it clear that you have provided an area for the kids and use the lower level for them. Hire a babysitter or two depending on how many munchin's actually show up. Now there will be no excuse why some of your guests won't be able to come. :-)
i think that it is prefectly fine to have only the children of the bridal party invited. unless children are specifically mentioned on the invite i don't understand why they would think they're invited! you should get someone to call saying adults only except for bridal party or else do like has already been said and get babysitters to look after them
I've been having the no kids fight since November. My mom doesn't really like it, but stopped arguing. We abandoned the fight with FFIL and FMIL. I'm making clear to my family the only "children" that I have invited are my three godchildren in the wedding. I offered to arrange for the kids to have pizza and bowling instead of the wedding for my guests children. FMIL realized this last week that FI's best friend's son was not on the guest list. When I just repeated my above mantra she told other family that she'll just skip the wedding and take the son bowling and to the movies herself. Hope she has fun playing the martyr. I can't yet imagine the drama that is going to follow when it's started out so fun...Best of luck to you!
If you think your Aunt can handle the situation then maybe you should ask her for her help. If not then you could always say something along the lines of "Oh, we were hoping that everyone would take our wedding and use it as a special night out to have some fun adult time. However we understand that you will not be able to make it if you can not find childcare." On a side note, you would think since you spelled it out in the RSVP card that they would get it, but I guess not!
I like HeirissMB's idea, use the lower level for the kids and get a babysitter (or maybe you can get one of the pushier parents to be in charge of the little ones... j/k).
It's really hard to have some people's kids there and some not, without it being a designated age cut-off.
It's completely ok for you to call and say "I'm so sorry. We have very limited space at the venue and had to make the decision to not invite children."
I agree with most on the posts on here. children in the wedding party are acceptable.
I like the lower level idea, you should put the people with their children at those seats. LOL, if they want to bring their kids they dont want to enjoy the adult time, they might as well sit at the kids table. LOL
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My invites have been sent out. My venue is fairly small (108 people banquet style) although there is room for about 50 people on the lower level. We invited 99 people so that noone will HAVE to sit on the lower level.
We invited adults and cousins over the age of 15 but no second cousins (there are about 10) with the exception of my daughter and a few babies or toddlers whose parents are in the bridal party. On the invites, only the people invited were listed. For example:
Ms. Jane Rockenbocker
___ of 1 guest will attend
Now people are RSVPing with their children included. I'm trying to think of a nice way to let people know this can't happen without seeing bridezillish or anything. I'm kind of soft spoken and sometimes I can be a pushover. Please HELP!