Post # 1
I hated to do it, but I had a chat with one of my bridesmaids recently and we both agreed that it would be best if she was no longer in my wedding party. The reason does not matter; you’ll just have to take my word for it that it was the best thing to do.
The bridesmaid in question has always hated her dress and was going to just give it away. I paid for half of it, so I instead reimbursed the bridesmaid for her half of the dress and told her I would at least try to return it. But of course, the store would not take it back. So, since the dress is extremely expensive I asked a very good friend of mine to wear it at my wedding. The girl was honoured to have been asked and is now bending over backwards to be Super Bridesmaid because she feels terrible that this happened so soon before my wedding. (Its in a month).
Now here is my problem. How do I tell the original bridesmaid that my other friend will be wearing her dress? I HAVE to tell her beforehand because she has a very short fuse and if she finds out during the ceremony, I KNOW she will cause a scene.
Please don’t comment about how I am a terrible person for replacing my bridesmaid. Its done, and being mean will not change that.
Post # 2
Can you explain to her what you just explained here? You did buy it from her so I don’t understand why she would care since she didn’t want to be in your bridal party. I don’t agree with “replacing” people like employees but I don’t necessarily think it’s “mean.”
Post # 3
I think because your original bridesmaid agreed that it’d be best if she weren’t in the wedding, she might understand if you explain you could not return the dress and did not want it to go to waste becuase it was expensive, so someone else is wearing it. Don’t bring up the new girl being a great bridesmaid.. just focus on the dress and remember you and original bridesmaid agreed she should not be in the wedding anymore.
Post # 4
Just tell her that since you couldn’t return the dress you plan to have someone else who can fit it stand-in. Don’t make it a big deal.
Post # 5
If you reimbursed her for the dress, why would she be angry? If it was a mutual decision for her to back out of the wedding party, I don’t see why this is even an issue.
Just be blunt: “hey, so the dress couldn’t be returned like I hoped, but thankfully I have another friend who is willing to be a late addition to the wedding party & wear the dress!”
At least, that’s how I’d do it. But I doubt I’d be friends with someone who would “make a scene” at my wedding over something so trivial.
Post # 6
So is the new girl an actual bridesmaid or just wearing the dress? The girl who is no longer in your bridal party – how does she feel about being let go?
I would just tell the original bridesmaid that you want your or other friend to step up because you wanted to even the numbers up or you have always visioned getting married with X number of maids. if she kicks up a stink, remind her of the reasons why you both agreed she should no longer be in the wedding party. She can’t have it both ways. If she’s really upset already that you’ve dropped her, tread carefully.
Post # 7
Yeah, I would think that buying the dress from her is essentially telling her that you will be giving it to someone else to wear… But just in case, email her or something and let her know. “Hey Soandso, I just wanted to let you know so it doesn’t catch you by surprise on the day that Newsoandso is going to be standing up with me and wearing the bridesmaid dress I bought from you. I hope there’s no hard feelings and we can still have a good time together!”
I think short-tempered people are sometimes better to deal with indirectly. If there is someone else who is involved in he situation, like let’s say she’s your mom’s friend’s daughter, or your fiancé’s friend’s wife, it helps to cc another person. So the loose cannon has to temper their response in front if witnesses.
Post # 8
KhaleesiStormborn: She will be angry because of the aforementioned “short fuse”. It hurts her that I have other friends who are close to me.
Post # 9
Be straight foward, be short, upbeat and be unwavering. Email is best as she cannot aruge and can decide for herself what she wants.
Hi freind X,
So glad that we could make things work for both our schedules. I wasn’t able to return the dress, but I was able to find a friend who’ll be wearing it. Can’t wait to see you at the wedding, so glad everything worked out for all of us!
Post # 10
LondonCalling: She is actually a bridesmaid. Trust me, she deserves it.
The girl who is no longer in the wedding party is extremely hurt. Mostly because of the events leading up to her removal rather than the actual event. She will take the other girl’s appointment as a bridesmaid as the equivalent of me saying “I don’t actually care about you, because look how easily I replaced you.”
Post # 11
supermel: your former bridesmaid sounds exhausting.
Post # 12
Look, you can’t save this girl from her feelings. You are trying to martr yourself and your “true” friend on the alter of appeasing this other woman. You need to be straight and clear. All I’m requiring my maid of honor to do is to buy a dress of her choice or wear one from the wedding she was in last year. She’s also helped with wedding stuff like favors here and there. Unless you were being demanding, you need to take a step back. You can’t control this situation, and you need to let it go.
Post # 13
How would she know it was “her” dress? Are all your bridesmaids wearing different dresses? If all the bridesmaids are wearing the same dress, then the ex-bridesmaid will never know.
Post # 14
If you paid for this dress, it’s yours to do as you wish. She will live.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius
supermel: She sounds like the sort of girl who will never be happy no matter how you put it. However I agree the best thing to do would be direct and to the point while still being upbeat. Tell her it is an expensive dress and you tried to return it but you were not able, not wanting to waste the money spent on such a beautiful gown having someone else wear it was the only option you could think of. Let her know that you don’t want to hurt her feelings, however there were reasons she isn’t still in the wedding party and you are making the best out of a not so great situation to make your day as special as possible. I would find it hard to be friends with someone who couldn’t understand that, if she has a big tantrum when you tell her, I would be inclined for her not to be at the wedding at all if she is going to cause a scene and ruin your day…