How to tell a bridesmaid I replaced her.

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Can you explain to her what you just explained here? You did buy it from her so I don’t understand why she would care since she didn’t want to be in your bridal party. I don’t agree with “replacing” people like employees but I don’t necessarily think it’s “mean.” 

Post # 3
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think because your original bridesmaid agreed that it’d be best if she weren’t in the wedding, she might understand if you explain you could not return the dress and did not want it to go to waste becuase it was expensive, so someone else is wearing it. Don’t bring up the new girl being a great bridesmaid.. just focus on the dress and remember you and original bridesmaid agreed she should not be in the wedding anymore.

Post # 4
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Just tell her that since you couldn’t return the dress you plan to have someone else who can fit it stand-in.  Don’t make it a big deal.

Post # 5
1107 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

If you reimbursed her for the dress, why would she be angry? If it was a mutual decision for her to back out of the wedding party, I don’t see why this is even an issue.

Just be blunt: “hey, so the dress couldn’t be returned like I hoped, but thankfully I have another friend who is willing to be a late addition to the wedding party & wear the dress!”

At least, that’s how I’d do it. But I doubt I’d be friends with someone who would “make a scene” at my wedding over something so trivial.

Post # 6
38 posts

So is the new girl an actual bridesmaid or just wearing the dress? The girl who is no longer in your bridal party – how does she feel about being let go?

I would just tell the original bridesmaid that you want your or other friend to step up because you wanted to even the numbers up or you have always visioned getting married with X number of maids. if she kicks up a stink, remind her of the reasons why you both agreed she should no longer be in the wedding party. She can’t have it both ways. If she’s really upset already that you’ve dropped her, tread carefully. 

Post # 7
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yeah, I would think that buying the dress from her is essentially telling her that you will be giving it to someone else to wear… But just in case, email her or something and let her know. “Hey Soandso, I just wanted to let you know so it doesn’t catch you by surprise on the day that Newsoandso is going to be standing up with me and wearing the bridesmaid dress I bought from you. I hope there’s no hard feelings and we can still have a good time together!”

I think short-tempered people are sometimes better to deal with indirectly. If there is someone else who is involved in he situation, like let’s say she’s your mom’s friend’s daughter, or your fiancé’s friend’s wife, it helps to cc another person. So the loose cannon has to temper their response in front if witnesses.

Post # 9
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Be straight foward, be short, upbeat and be unwavering.  Email is best as she cannot aruge and can decide for herself what she wants.

Hi freind X,

So glad that we could make things work for both our schedules.  I wasn’t able to return the dress, but I was able to find a friend who’ll be wearing it.  Can’t wait to see you at the wedding, so glad everything worked out for all of us!


Post # 11
2893 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

supermel: your former bridesmaid sounds exhausting. 

Post # 12
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014


Look, you can’t save this girl from her feelings.  You are trying to martr yourself and your “true” friend on the alter of appeasing this other woman.  You need to be straight and clear.  All I’m requiring my maid of honor to do is to buy a dress of her choice or wear one from the wedding she was in last year.  She’s also helped with wedding stuff like favors here and there.  Unless you were being demanding, you need to take a step back.  You can’t control this situation, and you need to let it go.

Post # 13
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

How would she know it was “her” dress? Are all your bridesmaids wearing different dresses? If all the bridesmaids are wearing the same dress, then the ex-bridesmaid will never know.

Post # 14
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you paid for this dress, it’s yours to do as you wish. She will live. 

Post # 15
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius

supermel: She sounds like the sort of girl who will never be happy no matter how you put it. However I agree the best thing to do would be direct and to the point while still being upbeat. Tell her it is an expensive dress and you tried to return it but you were not able, not wanting to waste the money spent on such a beautiful gown having someone else wear it was the only option you could think of. Let her know that you don’t want to hurt her feelings, however there were reasons she isn’t still in the wedding party and you are making the best out of a not so great situation to make your day as special as possible. I would find it hard to be friends with someone who couldn’t understand that, if she has a big tantrum when you tell her, I would be inclined for her not to be at the wedding at all if she is going to cause a scene and ruin your day…


  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  UKbee.
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