How to tell a disappointed dad about my engagement

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
8385 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

sw7577:  My parents weren’t thrilled when I first talked to them about marrying my husband (they’re Chinese and he’s white), but it didn’t matter.  If your parents can’t be happy for you, it’s on them; as long as you and your FI are happy together, that’s all that should matter.  As for your mom’s email about asking for permission being “customary,” it’s also “customary” for parents to be supportive and happy for their child, which obviously isn’t always the case.

Post # 3
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m assuming you guys are both adults of legal age, and while it’s certainly sweet in some respects for a guy to ask your dad for your hand in marriage, I don’t think it’s necessary. In fact, it’s kind of gross if you think about it…why does your dad have to give permission for you to get married? You aren’t property. It might be customary but it’s by no means something that has to happen for you to get married. My husband asked my dad and he said “Why are you asking me? Ask Sarals24. I can’t tell her what to do.”

If you don’t think your parents’ concerns are valid, then just suck it up and tell them. What’s the worst they can do? If they aren’t happy for you they aren’t happy for you. Share your news with friends and family that you know will be happy for you, and don’t talk about the wedding planning much around your parents. 

Post # 4
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’d reply “No mother, last time I looked it was 2014, not 1814.  And btw, I’m not property.”

The sooner this offensive ‘custom’ dies, the better. 

Post # 5
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d just tell him. And if your mom or dad throws a shitfit, just tell them that he did, in fact, ask back in December, and dad never gave his answer. It doesn’t sound like they are going to be happy. And what happens if your FI does ask and gets a no? Are you seriously not going to get engaged then?

If you still are, then I see no point in the whole asking for your hand business. It sucks, and I am sure it hurts to have your parents so uninvolved, but you can’t change how they feel. Be sweet and keep them in the loop and hopefully they will come to their senses.

Post # 7
4634 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If you’re still looking for your parents approval, you’re not mature enough to get married. Especially when your mom isn’t intelligent enough to understand that its also ‘customary’ to support your child and want them to be happy.

Personally, if my parents were so uncouth I would’ve stopped giving a shit about what they had to say a long time ago.


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