Post # 1
My friend is getting married next year andI already told her I would be in her wedding party… problem is, I do not support their relationship now that I have seem them together for a while. They were engaged after 3 months of dating and I believe his “true colors” are starting to show.
Let me back it up a about a month… I recently got married and she was in my wedding party. She didn’t help with any of the planning or showers or anything. She was fighting publicy with her fiance at my wedding the entire day/night. She didn’t take part in any of the bridal party activities and acted very selfish the entire day.
Now that I have seen them together for awhile, I don’t think their relationship is healthy and I cannot support them. How do I tell her this?
Post # 3
@findingnem0: Say this: I don’t think their relationship is healthy and I cannot support you.
Post # 4
I would say to be honest. Personally, if one of my BMs had not liked my husband, I would not have wanted them in my wedding party either.
However, you should realize that this will certainly change, if not end your friendship with her.
Post # 5
@findingnem0: I think you should just tell her how you feel. Keep in mind you might lose a friend in the process.
Post # 6
@chercee: Oops I guess I didnt read your response! +1!
Post # 7
@findingnem0: if you are aware that this might end your friendship than I would say was PP said. Be honest.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Yikes…if you want to lose her as a friend you can just be honest with her.
Post # 9
Just wait until they call off the wedding, it’s probably going to happen given your info. Although it may not, I had a friend once like that, sadly she never listened to any of us, now she’s married and have kids with him. She ended our friendship, its a shame.
Post # 10
@SaraP2012: Two heads are better than one!
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
@findingnem0: I see you saying a lot of things that she didn’t do. What is it about their relationship that you don’t support? Because all I see are things you don’t like about her/things she did that you didn’t like.
Post # 12
Do you want to keep her as a friend?
If you do, you have 2 options (a) keep quiet and stay in the wedding party to support her, even if you don’t support the marriage or (b) make up an excuse (“I don’t really have the time/money to be a good bridesmaid. You should pick someone who would do a better job.”)
If you don’t care if you keep her as a friend or you really feel the guy is bad (i.e., cheating, abusive, dangerous – not just a poor match for her), then tell her the truth – you don’t support the relationship and thus, shouldn’t be standing up in support of it.
Post # 14
@weddingbee098: That’s on the assumption that her intution is right. I’m not saying it isn’t, but it’s kind of a large risk, and the longer one leaves these things, the worse it is in the end.
Post # 15
The advocation for making things up, or pretending to be ok with to, for the reason of “keeping her as a friend” is self-contradictory. To keep her as a friend, you must first be a friend to her, and that means being honest when you see a situation that can hurt her. Would you let her drive home drunk, because you didn’t want to lose her as a friend? Same logic applies.
Post # 16
You need to be a part of your friends life. Would you not want her to be there for you? So I say go to the wedding and don’t cause any stress for you friend. It is up to her if she marries him, you just need to stay in her life incase she needs you.