How to tell a friend you can't be in her wedding..

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@findingnem0:  Say this: I don’t think their relationship is healthy and I cannot support you. 

Post # 4
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Atalanta:  +1

I would say to be honest. Personally, if one of my BMs had not liked my husband, I would not have wanted them in my wedding party either.

However, you should realize that this will certainly change, if not end your friendship with her.

Good luck.

 

Post # 5
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@findingnem0:  I think you should just tell her how you feel. Keep in mind you might lose a friend in the process.

Post # 6
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@chercee:  Oops I guess I didnt read your response! +1!

Post # 7
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@findingnem0:  if you are aware that this might end your friendship than I would say was PP said. Be honest.

Post # 8
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Yikes…if you want to lose her as a friend you can just be honest with her.

Post # 9
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Just wait until they call off the wedding, it’s probably going to happen given your info.  Although it may not, I had a friend once like that, sadly she never listened to any of us, now she’s married and have kids with him.  She ended our friendship, its a shame.

Post # 10
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@SaraP2012:  Two heads are better than one!

Post # 11
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

@findingnem0:  I see you saying a lot of things that she didn’t do.  What is it about their relationship that you don’t support?  Because all I see are things you don’t like about her/things she did that you didn’t like.

Post # 12
Member
3878 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Do you want to keep her as a friend?

If you do, you have 2 options (a) keep quiet and stay in the wedding party to support her, even if you don’t support the marriage or (b) make up an excuse (“I don’t really have the time/money to be a good bridesmaid. You should pick someone who would do a better job.”)

If you don’t care if you keep her as a friend or you really feel the guy is bad (i.e., cheating, abusive, dangerous – not just a poor match for her), then tell her the truth – you don’t support the relationship and thus, shouldn’t be standing up in support of it.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
8282 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Just be honest. 

Post # 14
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@weddingbee098:  That’s on the assumption that her intution is right.  I’m not saying it isn’t, but it’s kind of a large risk, and the longer one leaves these things, the worse it is in the end.

Post # 15
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The advocation for making things up, or pretending to be ok with to, for the reason of “keeping her as a friend” is self-contradictory.  To keep her as a friend, you must first be a friend to her, and that means being honest when you see a situation that can hurt her.  Would you let her drive home drunk, because you didn’t want to lose her as a friend?  Same logic applies.

Post # 16
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You need to be a part of your friends life. Would you not want her to be there for you? So I say go to the wedding and don’t cause any stress for you friend. It is up to her if she marries him, you just need to stay in her life incase she needs you.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors