How to tell anyone?

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Zombielicious:  In my opinion, you’re not really engaged until you announce it. The reason I say this is a very good friend had a “secret engagement” which the guy later walked away from.

Also I see no point in getting engaged until you’ve got a date in mind. (Doesn’t need to be an exact date, but a clear plan, e.g. “end of 2014”).

So when you announce it, just say “We’re engaged”, not “we got engaged 6 months ago”.

Post # 4
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I got engaged at 18 (soon to be 19) after a year and a half of official dating with my fella… same story, but we kinda warned everybody ahead of time though that we wanted to tie the knot. I personally would go for the rip the bandaid approach and just throw it out there. People will have things to say no matter what. Tell FI the longer you wait, the more awkward it is to announce, and you WILL eventually have to! And I know my family would have legimately hurt feelings if I kept that to myself… Awkward and potentially hurtful… Time to break the news, I’d say!

Post # 6
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I got engaged at 19, FI was 21. He made sure to ask my father first out of respect. My parents were thrilled and called to book the church that day! His family was also so excited! Everyone expected it and it was the most exciting thing to announce it to anyone. Why would you ever want to hide that? I posted it on facebook that day and got so much support from everyone. He shouldn’t have proposed if he didn’t want people to know. I’d give him the ring back, tell him to ask your parents, then propose and make it public. Just my opinion. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

If you’re too scared to tell your family then you’re too young to be engaged.  I’s best to tell ASAP and deal with the fallout.  The longer you wait to tell them the more it looks like a secret and/or you’re ashamed of the engagement.  I agree with Betty that until you announce to the family, you’re not really engaged.  If he wasn’t ready to tell his family then he should have waited; it just seems very immature to hide an engagement.

Post # 10
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I got engaged at 20 ( 1 month before my 21st birthday) and everyone was thrilled for us. A few people were judgmental but hey, we are almost at our 2 year wedding anniversary so they can get stuffed. I was nervous about telling people, because I knew I was young ( although we both had full time jobs while studying degrees as well) but my thoughts were that if I was scared of telling people I wasn’t mature enough to get married. If my husband ( then fiancé) had said he wanted to wait to tell people I would not have agreed to marry him. If he’s willing to ask me to marry him he should be willing to let everyone else know as well. People will probably start to judge if they found out you guys didn’t tell anyone. But ultimately just talk to him and explain it. He doesn’t have Vito power on when you can tell people. It should be about compromises and joint agreement as to when you tell people

Post # 11
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

See if you can compromise… Maybe just tell immediate family, have a couple days to celebrate with just them, let FI warm up to the idea of going public with it, see how he feels about branching out from there. At least that’s what I’d do. 

 

Also…. Y’all be careful with the “if-he-really-wanted-to-be-engaged-he’d-want-everyone-to-know” thing. When you’re as young as OP, and you know who you want to marry, its a pretty daunting task to tell the whole world. Kinda have to brace for impact. A lot of people don’t take engagements seriously if you aren’t finished with college, super financially stable, if they think you’re young and dumb, etc. There are times you feel completely patronized and/or defensive of your decision. I can’t blame OP’s FI for being a little hesitant… it doesn’t neccessarily mean he’s ashamed of her or not ready to get married. Sheesh.

 

(Dealing with a few people’s doubts and negativity is totally worth getting to celebrate with those who are excited for you, bee tee dubs. Gotta laugh at the naysayers!)

Post # 12
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My grandmother was engaged at 18 too. Even though it was common back then and she was very mature, she regrets it. It was common bc women were told they were to be wives and mothers, not to pursue careers. I think it’s awesome that you’re both finishing school first.

 

Why do you have to announce that you were engaged in feb?

Post # 13
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I was 19 when we got engaged and everyone was over the moon happy for us (mostly everyone, haha) you can’t begin to feel the excitement until you tell your families so GO!! 🙂

Post # 14
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Also, saying you’re not really engaged unless everyone knows… Doesn’t that same idea apply to marriage? If you elope, and don’t tell everyone until a week or so afterwards, does that mean you weren’t actually married until you made the announcement? I like to think that engagement is an agreement between the engagees, not everyone and their brother…

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