(Closed) How to tell Bride BS is too Pricey

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

If it were me, I would talk to her mom and see what she says. Tell her what you can honestly afford (/want to afford. You shouldn’t be going into debt over this!!!). She might have the expectation of paying for a lot of it herself, or she might talk to the bride herself. 

Post # 4
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

If her mom is helping plan the wedding, too, you might wanna talk to her mom.

I don’t know if your friend feels the same, but I personally wouldn’t WANT 100 people at my BS.

Maybe I’m just weird, but whenever I envision my BS, it’s like… me, the women in my family, and my close girl friends all at my mom’s house or something, playing games and eating all kinds of yummy finger foods and desserts.

Post # 5
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

Also maybe talk to aunts and godparents? That sounds pretty extravagant, I have to say.

Post # 6
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yikes!  I would be honest and tell her you can’t afford to host a 100 person bridal shower.  Honestly, she really shouldn’t have any say besides a suggested guest list – you are the host, not her.  I would tell her that you have your own ideas for an awesome shower and she can invite up to X people.

Post # 8
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I am in a similar situation, only the guest list the bride requested is 50 people. I will be paying for it myself, seeing as 1 BM refuses to respond to any of my e-mails, FB messages, etc., and the other got very upset about her budget when the bride asked us to buy heels along with our dresses. I wish I had advice on how I handled it, but I don’t. I am still considering asking the bride to reduce the guest list to something more affordable. But I feel really bad about the idea and have not worked up the guts to do it.

Post # 9
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Holy shit that’s like a small wedding.

Someone’s on crack.

Post # 10
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

my response would be “are you serious?”.  A 3000 dollar bridal shower sounds absolutely insane to me. 

Post # 11
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

ok that was larger than my wedding. A shower of 100 people is out of control, I don’t care how large her family is!

Talk to the bride/bridesmaids and bring them back to reality.

Post # 12
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@Torrid:  True!!!

 

OP, have you talked to the other MOH yet?  You can’t be the only one to foot the bill. it’s not fair at all.  

Post # 13
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You need to have a discussion with her. She may not realize that was she is asking for is so expensive. As a friend, you can be honest with her. If she can’t accept that you can’t afford to pay for that, then I think it is okay for you to say you can’t host it. I would be willing to bet she has  not done the math.

Post # 14
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@baletrina:  Oh my goodness that is crazy.

Also… I dunno… it seems a little selfish on the part of the bride to me. :/ Even if I could afford a 300-person wedding, I certainly wouldn’t expect someone else who JUST had a wedding of their own to pay for 100 people to all go out on the town.

That just seems crazy to me. And IMO it’s extremely unfair for you to have been saddled with this.

Post # 15
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sadly, The Bride is missing the whole point of a Bridal Shower (an intimate affair with the closest peeps… IMO never more than 2 or 3 dozen folks… and smaller is always better)

100 is waaay too many people.

And honestly, unless one is a millionaire, unrealistic for anyone to take on the job of hosting such an oversized (verging on the extreme / tacky ?) event.

As you have stated, if she has this many friends & relatives… then there should be seperate Showers put on by her various “circles”…

Family & Relatives – Work Colleagues – Friends from her Social Circle / Activities etc

Someone, needs to sit her down and give her the truth…

And oh, let her know that there is nothing wrong with mulitple parties… some Brides have no idea that they can have more than one Shower.  Being Engaged for awhile can be a ton of fun, and just one more excuse to enjoy another social occasion that is always popping up on the horizon to celebrate the upcoming Wedding.

Hope this helps,

Lol… here is a thought.  Let her know, that often times folks who attend the shower, won’t bring a gift to a wedding, because technically “they’ve already given”… IF she happens to be a gift-grabby sort of gal (somehow envisioning this based on her over-the-top wants) that bit of info may deter her from going to Shower Crazy.

 

Post # 16
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Assuming this is a FRIEND, I would be straight up with her and say this is WAY like WAY WAY out of your budget.  Give her an idea of what your budget and then reevaluate together what your options are. 

I don’t think that because you are planning the BS that you can’t still get help from the bride. 

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