How to tell bride I can't attend rehearsal?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
42089 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Aly7489:  “Hi____,  just saw your post and wanted to let you know asap that I won’t be able to take the day off as I just started a new job. When you have set the time for the rehearsal, let me know. I will do my best to make the rehearsal, but if I can’t,  will make sure that I touch base with the MOH to fill me in on any details.”

You won’t be the frst member of a wedding party who can’t make the rehearsal. Weddings are not rocket science. You line up, you walk in, you move to the left and stand in a line, done.

Post # 3
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

Aly7489:  haha @ “uncorked”

She’ll just have to understand.  Tell her what you told us.  You’re starting a new job and you just can’t get time off.  Just tell her you can’t….not that you won’t ask.  I’ve known BMs that had to miss rehersals because they were actually in another wedding that very day (IE: BM in a Friday wedding and then BM in a Saturday wedding)  They were still OK and figured out how to walk down the aisle.  Your friend should be ok.  Just tell her ASAP

Post # 4
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

You just need to be honest about it.  She has no business telling everyone to burn an entire vacation day (which you won’t even have yet!) 2 days before her wedding.  My MOH’s mom was critically ill suddenly the day of my rehearsal and cell phones weren’t everywhere back then.  When she got there for the wedding, I gave her the 30 second rundown of what she missed.  Easy peasy, no issues.

You don’t need to be apologetic, just honest.  don’t feel bad – you have a new job!

Post # 5
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Tell her now before she officially sets a time.

“I am starting a new job in August so I won’t be able to take off a whole day that Friday before your wedding. I work 8-5, so if the rehearsal is anytime after that I will be there for sure! But if its during the day, I won’t be able to make it”

Post # 6
4638 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

IF she’s a reasonable person, she’ll understand. However, you’re here asking for advice about how to tell someone something simple.. Which leads me to believe her response could be problematic.

Tell her asap and go from there. Its not like you can’t make the wedding.

Post # 7
11598 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Be honest, and tell her right away.  Any decent person is going to understand that your job and your livelihood come first.

Post # 9
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Aly7489:  Simple. Tell the bride I am sorry but I cannot make it. I will get the details of the ceremony arragement the day of. Its not that serious. She should understand, although she doesn’t seem like she is being that she expects everyone to take off a day from work. She should have scheduled something in the evening. 

FOr our rehearsal dinner one of our groomsmen couldn’t make it because they had work. No problem! The day of the wedding came and his escort (the bridesmaid he walked down with) explained the day of what he was supposed to do. There were no issues!

Don’t freak out and don’t be afraid to tell the bride no, because some brides are too demanding. 

Post # 10
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I was in a friends wedding at the end of May, and I know that one of her BMs wasn’t at reheasral since she lived out of town and was driving into to at that time – made it to the rehearsal dinner though.

I would hope your friend would understand why you couldn’t make it.

Post # 11
2666 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

We didn’t even have a rehearsal. (We did have a rehearsal dinner, though, because why pass up a chance for a nice dinner? Ha ha.) Unless a wedding is way super complicated, most people can figure out how to walk down an aisle and then stand still. Like a poster above already said, it’s not rocket science. If the bride flips out over this, it’s her problem, not yours.

Post # 13
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Aly7489: um, no. I’m sorry and I love my friends, but they do not own my vacation time. Only my boss and I own that. If she needs me to take a day off from work, she can pay me my daily rate if my boss is cool with that. If not, she can fill me in when I get there.

Also, is this a local wedding or a distance wedding? If it’s a distance wedding and you’re worried about hotels, just book a hotel room for you close to the venue. There’s no rule that says that everyone needs to book together. 

It sounds like this bride is a logistical nightmare. I feel you. 


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