Post # 1
So I just received a text message today from a close family friend (not close to me, but to my family). He’s asking when the wedding is so that he doesn’t double book that weekend. Granted, I sent out Save the Dates about a month ago and we didn’t give him any.
I’m not really close to him, some of my cousins are and consider him their adopted brother. He rubbed me the wrong way a couple of years ago when I was asking him for advice on my education and what path I should take; Basically he told me to just give up on it and don’t pursue anything any further. He seems to think I don’t have the mental capacity to do so.
Also, my fiance and I are paying for 98% of our wedding and we’re only inviting those that are close to us and we see on a daily/weekly basis. We haven’t seen this guy in years since he lives in LA and when he does visit, he doesn’t even contact anyone to hang out.
I’m scared that if I end up not inviting him, my other cousins would get mad at me for it. Our budget is really tight and I really don’t want to spend more on this guy that I’m really not close with.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
@chazieurbie: He’s the one who’s out of order, calling to verify an invitation is extremely rude because it creates this kind of situation, just like the one you’ve got here. First off, texting is bad, don’t reply with that…call him, tell him how very lovely it was for him to check in, but due to your budget and venue, you were unable to extend him an invitation. However, if he ever finds himself in your neighborhood, it would just be so lovely to have dinner together, thank you again for calling.
Post # 4
@Nona99: I agree with this. How rude people can be to expect to be invited to the wedding of someone they’re not close with. If your cousins get mad at you than you can simply explain to them the situation about budget and venue. Stick to your guns and don’t let anyone talk you into inviting him
Post # 5
I would accidentally “forget” to respond to him.
Post # 6
Honestly, the only thing I regret about our wedding was not inviting people I maybe should have in order to keep our numbers and costs down. It wouldn’t have that big of a difference cost-wise. If it will cause any strife or awkwardness, you might save yourself some trouble by inviting him and be done with it. It’s not like you’ll have to spend much time with him the day of, anyway.
Post # 7
Tell him it’s a close family wedding and that you had to draw the guest book at that.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone for the input! He’s actually trying to hunt me down on Facebook now, too calling me his cousin (which we’re not!). He even was trying to double check if the number he was texting was mine. He even said that he hasn’t seen “the fam” in awhile and he’s planning on going on vacation and most likely the only time he’ll see us next is during my wedding.
I don’t understand why he feels like he will be invited like that?
I really need to figure out how to tell him without hurting anyone’s feelings. My FH is at work and unable to contact me so right now I’m on a standstill.
I really can’t afford to drop another $100 on this guy who doesn’t even keep in touch with me.
Post # 10
Honesty is the best policy. As others have mentioned, tell him that while you would have loved for him to be able to celebrate your day with you, you are funding the wedding yourselves and only inviting a very small number of family/ friends as a result. I think guys are more understanding when it comes to budget things.
I really don’t think he was trying to be rude. Guys, especially unmarried guys, have no idea what wedding ettiquette is. Sure, it’s a pain to deal with this, but he probably honestly thought he was invited and will be embarassed by his behavior when he realizes that his presumption was incorrect.
Post # 11
I would do this as well. Oops! Never received it.
Post # 12
Send him a list of fun activities in his town scheduled for your wedding date, and suggest he check them out.
Post # 13
And in regards to some of these other comments… just because he does not know wedding ettiquette, doesn’t mean that you should be flat out rude to him as some of the ladies have suggested. There is no need for that. Just be honest.
Post # 14
I agree, it’s pretty rude to just assume you’re invited to someone’s wedding.
If this is really going to cause a major rift in your family, @bluegreenjean makes a good point…it might be better off to just invite him. You’re going to be so busy with other things on your wedding day that you’ll probably only have to say “hi” and “bye” to him.
However, if you’re still extremely opposed to having him there and you’ve stretched your budget far enough (which is what it sounds like), you are NOT at all obligated to invite him. Just tell him the truth (and you don’t even have to say that you wish you could have him there, haha): “We’re so sorry, but due to several reasons, we’ve decided to have a small wedding with very close family and friends. Unfortunately, we can’t afford to stretch our guest list any further. Thank you so much for wanting to support us! We hope you have a wonderful vacation!”
Post # 15
Thank you everyone for your input! I talked to my FH about it and he said that if it will just stress me out even more (since my family is uber dramatic and there’s already a ton of family feud going on) then I should just invite the dude.
I was going to tell him that he’s not invited but then my FH pretty much stopped me. I guess it pays to talk to the FH about it!
Thank you all again for all the advices but I guess I am going with @bluegreenjean, @quillbee and my FH! 🙂
Post # 16
He’s the rude one. Just be honest and say sorry but you didn’t make the cut.