Post # 1
I have a complicated problem, but I have enough time to figure it out! So please give honest opinions because i’m at a loss.
My mothers side is poor. My FI and I are paying for my wedding …however my fathers side whom i’m not close to I know will help for quite a bit if not the whole thing. Which would be really nice because we both work hard for our money and we’re not rollin’ in the dough here, if they don’t help it’ll probably be 2012 before we get married just to save the money and keep our rent/bills under control.
The catch is.. I know my father will want to walk me down the aisle and that will not happen. It’s not an option, I’d rather not go into why but lets say for personal reasons he and I are not close even though he pretends like nothings wrong.
I feel really rude accepting their help, and THEN saying “oh by the way…your not walking your only daughter down the aisle.”
How could I go about explaining he’s not going to? I don’t have a stepfather or grandfather or any replacement, I was figuring on just walking down with my son or by myself.
ps- he’s only been in my life for the last 6 months.
Post # 3
Your situation sounds difficult. If you decide to accept the money here are some compromises – let your father walk you into the reception, let him stand in the receiving line (if you’re having one), ask him to light a candle or some other such token at service, etc. It sounds like if you ask for money, you would want to have something in place. Feeling comfortable enough to ask your father to walk you down the aisle is not something that can be bought, and if he wants to be a part of your life, he should accept a small, token role (really all FOB is, anyway!) with which you and your FH are comfortable. I think it is adorable to have your son walk you down the aisle (how’s a grandfather to object?) if your son is old enough to be excited, play this up. Also, in small ceremony spaces you can skip the walk entirely and just show up with your groom, negating the entire question! Best wishes in what sounds like a delicate and complicated family situation. I hope you are able to be married this year and that you and your father will reach some sort of compromise if that is what is best for you and your new family.
Post # 4
i have a similar problem. except my dad is not helping with the wedding. i think im just going to say… my mom raised me… i want her to walk me down the aisle… its a tough situation but if he doesnt understand how your feeling then thats his problem… all you can do is explain to him and hope for the best.
Post # 5
Perhaps you could just say that you and your son are walking down the aisle together and leave it at that?
I don’t think that financial assistance automatically entitles him to walking with you, nor do I think it’s rude to accept a little help and then walk alone or with your son. It’s all about diplomacy though, which makes your son the perfect excuse (“he’s so excited, I just couldn’t say no!”)
It’s a tough one, I know where you’re coming from, but as a non-confrontational person, I don’t think I would be able to carry through my own advice 🙂
Post # 6
I agree with others that walking in with your son might be a good way to do it, that way it’s not like you are rejecting your father, it’s like you are choosing your son. That way you can phrase it as a more positive thing by saying something like “you know how important my son is in my life, I really just want to have him there with me as a walk in.” I would think that if he’s only been in your life for 6 months he should understand that your relationship with him isn’t the most traditional anyway…
However, you do need to remember that him giving financial help is completely optional, so if he gets mad enough about this it is completely within his right to say he isn’t giving any money 🙁
Post # 7
I don’t think this is hard at all. Turn a negative into a positive. Don’t say “oh by the way…your not walking your only daughter down the aisle.”, instead, AND ONLY IF ASKED, “I’m going to be walking with my son, and joining FI, since we are joining as a family”…or something like that.
I don’t see this as hard at all, but if you feel weird taking money, don’t take it. Have a simple wedding with close family and your best of friends. It will mena more in the long run.
Post # 8
Yeah your right, I was probably over thinking it a little. I can/will use my son as an excuse and I’d rather him walk me anyway. Thanks for the input.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t count on accepting his money. If he really cared about your wedding, he would help you financially, regardless if he walked you down the aisle. Explain to him that you want your son to walk you down, it may cusion the blow.