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First off, congratulations on your engagement!
I think the best way in your case may be to just write her an email so that she has time to process it before responding. It sounds like when your marriage ended she was still in love with you, so the thought of you marrying someone else is probably not going to be easy, even though it has been a few years and you aren't on the best terms. I'd go ahead and let her know that you wanted her to hear from you and not someone else (if your sons aren't aware yet, I'd tell her before them so that there's no 'so, how long have you 2 known about this?' conversation...if you've already shared the good news with your sons, I would tell her that you've just informed them but you asked them not to tell her so that you could be the one to do it).
I'd keep the email fairly short...a paragraph maybe. Let her know that you have decided to marry, and a general idea of when the wedding will take place, but I'd be very limited on details otherwise so as not to overwhelm her (and especially if you aren't planning to invite her). Then wish her well, and say that you're available if she has any questions or want to coordinate on making arrangements for the 17 year old to be there (I'm assuming your older son is already out of the house).
@bearlove: I agree, email would be best so she can get her initial shock out of the way before offering a response. Keep it simple, short and make sure you say only what you want her to know. It might hurt if you add all the sprinkles of adorable that you and your finace (congrats btw!!) have so just let her know what is up, invite her if that is the plan and wait and see what happens. Happy wedding planning!
@nlmiller68: Congrats and welcome! I would just tell her in a short and simple way that is mainly about how it will pertain to the children. Then in her own time she may come around, but if not, at least you aren;t hiding anything from her, as the kids will have a new stepfather and she will need to be aware.
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hi, im a 43 year old father of two boys age 20 and 17. I was married for nearly 20 years to a great women but after a long personal struggle with myself I decided to come out of the closet and confessed that i am gay. My ex was totally surprised by the news and therefore totally devistated. we argued and fought for the first couple years and now hardly speak. most all our comunication has been through txt or email. The kids are not a issue and have been great through the enitre thing.
now i have been dating my boyfriend for about three years. he asked me to marry him after we had been dateing for a year and i said it was just to soon. i am now ready for the engagement and would set the actuall wedding date out atleast another year until my youngest son graduates.
my question is how do i tell her im getting married again?
any suggestions would be greatly appricated.