Post # 1
My FI’s family has more or less shot down every idea I’ve had for our wedding, so I’ve stopped asking for their input. At first I was trying to be considerate of other people’s opinions, especially because their family is all about planning big events. In a way, when I tell them what I’m planning to do, they make me feel like I’m interfering with their plans for their son’s wedding.
Their snarky comments have really gotten to me, and now even though I tell them our plans, rather than asking for their advice, they still put my ideas down, and say something to the effect of “Hmmm, I’m not sure that’s what you really want to do. Why don’t you do it this way, it will be much better.”
So far I’ve gotten put-downs, directly or indirectly, on the subjects of the photographer, the flowers, my DIY wish-tree tags, the BMs colorful shoes, my no-veil decision, my DIY invitations, the food choice, the cake choice, the reception decor, the aisle decor, the flowergirl basket and the DIY cardbox.
I’ve talked with FI about it, and he said to just not ask their opinion, but they give it to me anyway. He even told them to just leave the planning to us and they still haven’t stopped! What’s a girl to do?? What do I say when they say what I’m doing isn’t good enough?? They refuse to foot the bill for most of this, so even though my parents, FI, and I are paying for most of the stuff, they STILL have to be obnoxiously vocal about everything. How do I tell them to shut the **bleep** up without being rude?? Ugh, I can feel my blood pressure go up everytime I think about it.
Post # 3
Nobody was going to pay for our traditional wedding, but we still heard *all* the comments. We’re eloping now…
Anyway – don’t tell them anything! And when they do offer suggestions, smile sweetly and say, “what a great idea!” People will always be offering suggestions – or demands – and you merely need to acknowledge that they were received by your ears. Or “Hm, that’s so interesting! Did you do that at your own wedding?” Getting people to talk about their own weddings usually works wonders.
Post # 4
Just do what I do! Listen, agree with the validity of their suggestions (without making any promises of course), and then do what you want anyway!
Seriously, who is contacting the vendors, who is writing the checks, who is the freakin’ bride? YOU! Everyone knows it and will do what YOU ask because it’s your wedding, and you’re the one paying them. Let his parents snicker amongst themselves on the wedding day when things aren’t as they imagined. It won’t be a big deal at all I promise.
And if they want to make it one, there isn’t going to be a single person at your wedding who is going to agree that his parents should have had their way instead of you having yours. After that, there will be a honeymoon, and it will be a moot point if they even think of bringing it up again, which I REALLY doubt they would.
Post # 5
It’s so tough to deal with someone saying mean things and not offering to help, just telling you what to do.
I’d follow the advice offered to try to let it slide. Your plans sound great and I’m sure everyone will have a great time and enjoy all the effort you’re putting into your wedding. When they ask if it’s really what you want to do, pull your FI into it and say, yes, we’ve thought about this and this is what we’re going to do. Then when they see how wonderfully things turned out, maybe you’ll have “proven” yourself and won’t have to deal with their negativity in the future.
Post # 6
Haha I deal with that all the time with my own family!
It helps to just smile and be like, well that’s nice, we might consider that.
If they have the courage to ever ask about it again, just say you went another direction and it’s a done deal now–so you’d like to focus on something else.
I know it’s hard, but eventually they’ll shut up. or do like the PP did and ask about their weddings at that point!
Post # 7
I am sorry you have to put up with this. I am wondering something though – how do they find out all of these details? Are you telling them each time you make a decision? I am fortunate to have really nice future in-laws and I tell them every once in a while when we (or I) make a decision but really, they hardly know anything at all about the wedding unless I tell them. We decided the date about 2 weeks after we got engaged back in May and FI’s parents didn’t know the date until about 7 weeks later because I was home in the US and wasn’t here to tell them!
Just keep things to yourself and if that’s not possible, I think the ideas above are great – smile and nod or change the subject to most people’s favorite topic – themselves! :0)
Post # 8
My fiance’s family does kinda the same thing, and I’ve quit bringing it up. When they do bring up ideas (like, my FMIL wanting me to try on a heinous dress and then pouting when I won’t), I just smile and nod and then do what I please! Thankfully FH backs me up, I don’t think it would work out quite so well if he didn’t! I just keep reminding myself that it isn’t their wedding, they’ve already had their shot at their own wedding.
Hang in there and trust your gut!