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...if she wants you to okay the dress before she buys it, you have an in! Tell her that while it's a lovely dress, the priest will have a problem with it. All the priests I know would have a problem with it, no doubt. Is she Catholic?
Ouch! That's ridiculously inappropriate for so many reasons. How does your FI feel about his mom wanting to wear a clubbing dress to his wedding? Eek. Mine would flip out. I mean, I know a lot of traditional mom-wear is matronly and it's OK to go with something more youthful but that's ridiculous. I would go first with the "it will clash with the BM dresses" angle to eliminate that specific dress. As for the general style she is apparently going for, hmmmm. In the words of Project Runway's Nina Garcia, I worry about her taste level. Can you send her pics of something you find more appropriate?
yikes- well you could make something up that the place you're getting married requires that shoulders be covered. i've heard of that!
or, you could ask her if the dress comes in other colors since you think it might clash a bit with your girls?
Out of cuorisity are your BM dresses below the knee, or have straps? If so this may be an easy way for you just to say "at Catholic weddings the church typically prefers ladies to wear dresses w/ straps or dresses below the knee" chances are she won't know if this is true of not, and it takes all of the uncomfortableness off you :)
At least she asked you to okay it first!
I'd be more inclined to make the church your "bad guy" when letting her know that it's not really appropriate attire. The clashign with bridesmaids thing might seem bridezilla to her (even though it's not!) and invite a fight. Maybe it woudl also help if, when gently vetoing her choice, you provided a few examples of alternatives that you think would look nice on her?
Yeah, I already told FI, he says I need to be honest with her. My mom said that when she talked to her, she tried like 3 different ways of nicely saying that it wasn't appropriate... by telling her that she was planning on getting a muted green or blue dress with short sleeves or a little jacket... that was knee length... and then she even through out there that it can get brisk at night in July (which really isn't true), but whatever.
She is Catholic, which is why this is so surprising! I think maybe she heard that my dress was strapless and my bridesmaids are wearing strapless dresses... but we are all in our 20s. I just don't think that something like that is appropriate for someone in their 60s.
What is the length of your bridesmaid dresses? Of your mom's dress? I think it's okay to tell her that, for the formality of the event, she should wear a longer dress... but I don't know if there is much you can say about the metallic color or the strapless top unless there is a church rule or she asks you specifically.
honestly, she won't be in that many pictures anyway. and do you really plan on hanging up pictures around your house of all your in-laws? At most, you'd probably hang up one that has her in it. And I doubt you will have any photos that include you, her, and the bridesmaids all together. So I wouldn't worry about clashing. I used to get upset about my MIL's choice of attire too (in the end it turned out fine, but when I first heard about the colors she was looking at I was upset too). There are some things you just have to let go of in order to save the integrity of your future relationship with that person.
If you must tell her something, I wouldn't bring up how it clashes. I would tell her that you think it might be a little too short or innappropriate for a Catholic church wedding and that something more conservative would be more appropriate.
The bridesmaids will be in floor length matte silk strapless steel grey bridesmaid dresses. My mom is going to wear tea length dress in a muted color in the blues, greens... that color scheme.
I may mention that I don't think the color would look good in the pictures, but if I start suggesting something longer (at least knee length) and with sleeves, I just really don't want her thinking I am making a personal comment, which I am, but still.
oh boy, sounds like something my fmil would do, I am scared to see what she will show up in. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.
If you do end up letting it go, know that she's really only going to embarass herself. I would LMAO and die if I saw a 60 year old woman in that outfit, and at a church wedding no less.
I've noticed recently that moms have a REALLY hard time with wedding outfits because the fact that their little baby is getting married. It makes them feel old, which makes them totally lose their head... making them buy totally inappropriate outfits. I'm sure there's a NAME for it (denile is not just a river in Egypt...) but man alive does it cause problems! I would totally make the church the "bad guy." Can you offer to go shopping with her? Or at the very least email her pictures of more what you had in mind?
I think that she should wear something age appropriate and also that is flattering on her figure. I don't know many people in their 60s who a strapless short dress would be flattering on. Frankly, that would still be inappropriate for someone in their 20s to wear to a formal wedding. It would be appropriate for Vegas or a club, but not a Catholic wedding.
My mom even asked her if it came with some sort of bolero jacket, she said no though.
I told my mom I wanted her dress to have either thicker straps or a jacket to wear over it because she was looking at dresses with spaghetti straps or strapless. My mom is 50 but dresses younger and looks great, but I just told her I didnt think it would be appropriate and she understood and got a dress that we both liked. But then again she is my mom so it was easier to talk to her about it.
Do you have a FSIL that you are close to that could talk to her? If not, I would just say that while you like the dress, the color might clash with the other dresses. You could also print out some pictures of dresses you do like and show her, telling her that "this dress' would look great on you and comes in the really pretty color that goes with the wedding.
@KMSull - I think you're totally right about weddings making moms crazy re: age. I posted about this a little while back when my mother was trying to get me to let her borrow MY PROM DRESS. Is there a pill we can give them to help them access their un-crazy side?
Sadly, I don't have a FSIL... per se. FI only has brothers, but one of them is getting married a month before us. They all live on the other side of the country, but I have been talking to his fiance often. So I can't go that route. I may mention this to her and see what she says.
This is what I would do:
I would confront her about this WITH my FH. I would get on the "same page" with him before the conversation - walk into this as a unified front. Then, I would have her show you both the dress, and FH could offer (first) his opinion of it - something gentle, but honest, like: "It's a nice enough dress, Mom....but I feel like it's not really appropriate for the kind of wedding that we are hoping for. You would look so great in a floor length or tea length gown like the rest of the wedding party. Also, that way you won't stand out in all of the pictures."
Then, when she (unavoidably) looks to you for your support, you can just say that unfortunately you agree with your FH. Then, have some other options available to show her. This way you don't have to be the one to spew forth the "hard news" - you can just nod and add bits to it.
I just know that DH's mother would take criticism/advice much better from her son than from me...
I remember that post, Kittyachi! The blue Nicole Miller? Sigh, no pill, sadly. Plie them with alcohol and sequester them, maybe, but no pill unless you want to embark on finding the fountain of youth with me? You'll have to wade through here with me, though, cause we're not taking the easy route!
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My FMIL told my mom what she was planning to wear to our wedding - its short, strapless, and metallic. We are having a traditional Catholic wedding and then having the reception at a very nice country club. On top of this, my bridesmaids will be in a steel grey, which will clash with the metallic color of her dress. How can I politely tell her that the dress she wants to buy is inappropriate. I really don't think that someone in their 60s should be wearing a short, strapless metallic dress, especially to a wedding.
I don't want to hurt her feelings and I know she wants me to "ok" the dress before she buys it, but I don't want our pictures to be ruined by this.
Please help!