How to tell FMIL that I can't include the sisters in my bridal party?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I include the sisters?
    Yes, make them bridesmaids to shut FMIL up. : (11 votes)
    10 %
    Make sure you include them in other ways in the reception (please comment on what they can do) : (16 votes)
    15 %
    No, it's your bridal party, you have exactly who you want. : (75 votes)
    70 %
    Fuck it, go elope, this is getting too complicated. : (5 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1136 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    nessdawwg:  I have VERY strong feelings about this sort of thing. I could ramble on but the point is, it’s YOUR decision. She doesn’t get a say, and neither do the girls. You can have whoever you want and no one should be so presumptuous as to ‘expect’ it.

    I also have very strong feelings about setting a precedence early on with in-laws that they don’t get to dictate your life. Its a very slippery slope once you go down that road.

    What is your FI’s feelings towards having them? Does he care? His opinion would matter if it was me, but theirs would not.

    I’m all for including them in some way (readings, speeches, whatever!) but they don’t get to be bridesmaids just because! I think you and your FI just need reinforce what you already said about having chosen your bridal party and you’ll be sticking with that. Stay strong! 🙂

    Post # 4
    Member
    689 posts
    Busy bee

    I would weigh the consequences. Is it worth it to possibly cause problems/hurt feelings on his side?

    Post # 5
    Member
    1136 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    nessdawwg:  There you go, the most important person agrees with you! I wouldn’t sweat it if that’s the case (and maybe he can help you out by making sure your in-laws know he agrees!)

    I think you’d regret it if you didn’t have the people you’re closest with, there’s no rule saying bridesmaids have to be family! I have 2 sisters, 3 brothers and a tonne of cousins and none are in mine or FI’s bridal party! They’ll have a special part in the day but I think its important that your bridesmaids are girls you have a great relationship with and can rely on to support you, love you and most importantly, make sure your day is awesome!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I would chicken out and make FI tell her, hope you can be stronger than me! But definetly put your foot down and say no to them being bms.

    Post # 8
    Member
    11002 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Do you have any brothers, and, will they be among your FI’s groomsmen?

    Post # 9
    Member
    2892 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    nessdawwg: if they can’t talk to you themselves, they aren’t close enough to you to stand up for you. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    560 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Brielle:  Great question–obviously if anyone on your side is standing up for him it would make sense to include his side.

    If the answer’s no, I think it’s fine to keep it small and just have your three girls.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I had a similar issue and I asked FI’s cousins to be our readers. No one asked us to have them in the bp though. FI’s mom danced around it.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I think the best bet is to tell them you want to keep it small. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    11002 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Well, if I were you, I probably would add the two sisters and place them in the line-up after your two best friends and before your cousin and the junior bridesmaid.  They seem to be the only siblings to consider, and I think it would be a very nice gesture for you to add them.  My DH had my brother among his groomsmen, and we incorporated all four of DH’s adult and teen/tween children — as well as his daughter-in-law and (then-future-now-current) son-in-law — among our bridal party.

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