Weddingbee boards

I've posted once before how my "best" friend wants to throw me a bachelorette party and bridal shower, but she doesn't want to know what I would prefer to do and what I'm comfortable with. I'm not into the bar scene, veil, peenie straws, "Lick for a Buck" LifeSavers covered shirt, etc. I'm not really into bridal shower corny games either.  Thank you to those who commented on that post.

However, now I'm in a position that my Mom and sister really want to throw me a joint party at the fun restaurant/arcade game place called Dave & Busters in Denver.  We would invite our families (although we know his parents won't want to go) and our very small group of friends and have dinner and celebrate that my FI and I are getting married and play games and have a good time.  I hear a lot of pepole like to do joint parties there instead of separate. My FI also isn't interested in a party for just him anyways so he likes this idea.

There's also the bridal shower---my sister knows of a great gift shop/flower place that has a nice area set up for tea parties and desserts and I guess it's a beautiful place and hope I get to see it soon.  Since I'm not really into the typical bridal shower with corny games (that's just my opinion, no offense) I think it would be fun to go to this place.

Soooo, how do I tell my "best" friend who doesn't seem to want to know what I want to do that I would prefer if my Mom and sister took the reigns?  She would still be invited of course!

::sigh::  I know, that's what I need to do.  So family trumps friends in this party department?  I didn't know.  Then again I've never been to a bridal shower other than my sister's and her FMIL hijacked the damn thing when she wasn't supposed to :(  Never been to a bachelorette party so I have no idea how that goes.

I'm not having a wedding party so I think that makes it more complicated otherwise I'd just say the MOH gets to host.

I think family definitely trumps friends in this. I don't think your friend will be mad if you just tell her mom/sis are insisting on it and have started planning already. Just ask them to let her help if she wants. 

Since I'm not having a wedding party it's just a friend who wants to do it.

Now, the question is, would it be chicken shit of me to just email and tell her what Mom and Sis came up with over the weekend and told me about or do I actually call her?  Reason I ask, I'm afraid she will try and tell me I can have two parties for each event (some people have mulitple parties)...and if she did say that then I'd like to have some time to think about what I'd say instead of on the spot over the phone. 

LaborOfLove:  Only problem, the same exact people would be the ones coming to both.  It would be kinda of strange to have it twice. I really don't have many people to invite.  It sounds bad, but I literally have one actual friend in this state (her), some aquaintences but they aren't invited to the wedding, and don't work with women and all my family lives 5.5 hours away and wouldn't come---this I already know. 

What is "stock-the-bar"?

Though I know about the shower/gift/no relatives rule I think the bachelorette party is the one that your mom shouldn't throw but the shower is okay.  I feel like the bachelorette party is supposed to be about your friends and your FI's friends if you are doing a joint one but if your friends either don't want to throw you one or aren't willing to throw the one you want you shouldn't have one.  I'd also be against having the same people throw two parties - more or less identical in guest list and purpose.  It just seems a little strange to me.  So I would have your mom and sister plan one party and let your friend plan the other.  It is perfectly fine to give guidelines and say what you aren't comfortable with.  Just IMO. 

Arachna:   Well it's not really that my mom would throw me a bachelorette party, it would be more like everyone in the family gets together and goes out to celebrate that my FI and I are getting married. Maybe I should have worded it that way. We never had an engagement party so not that we would call it that, but it would just be to celebrate my FI and I are getting married.  I gave her guidelines and told her I didn't appreciate a bar and the typical bachelorette scene and it appears she is choosing to ignore my wishes so I'm trying to figure out a way to have something else.

LaborOfLove:   Oh, well, he's really the only one who drinks anything and it's mainly beer and it's not really stocked all the time in our house so we probably wouldn't benefit.  The main reason why the idea of a bachelorette party, done the typical way, is not keen to me is because I have one drink and I'm done. I'm a cheap date ;) HAHA  I barely ever finish a glass of wine.  Just don't care to.

I think if my friend wanted to just do something special with me then she should just say so.  She is also including her friend to help plan it and I barely know the gal so that makes it strange for me too.

I know etiquette generally says relatives shouldn't host, but I think that rule is definitely bendable in this situation since your mom and sister actually know what sort of party you want and your friend is probably going to throw you a super generic "last night of freedom" party. Well, etiquette also says that you can't invite the same people to two different parties like that because it seems like you're gift-grabbing and honestly it seems really blatant that you're just looking for gifts if you do that sort of thing, at least to me it does. I think you should do what you're comfortable with and either e-mail or call her and just mention that your mom and sister surprised you by telling you they'd already planned one and have reservations (even if they don't) and that they're not refundable deposits.

OMG etiquette is about to drive me crazy.  I'm not gift grabbing.  Let me please remind that I never initially wanted any of these parties, but now I'm just trying to come up with a different alternative to my friend's "typical bride parties" she is wishing to throw that I don't enjoy.  I don't see how etiquette would say inviting my sister or friend to my bridal shower and my bachelorette party is wrong.  I've never heard of that and from what I've seen that "rule" is broken by basically every girl I've known/read about their experience on this website.  I don't have a large group of people here so if both of these "parties" were going on I know they would hope to be invited.  I think it's ridiculous that I will look bad and that I'm gift grabing if I invite these people to both.

Yes, I do mean the bachelorette and bridal shower.  My friend wanted to throw both and my sister now wants to throw the bridal shower and collectively the families will throw us a party for my FI and I getting married. I should have never said they were throwing us a bachelorette/bachelor party because that's not what it will be.

LaborOfLove: Why would I want to have two showers when the same people are going to be invited? I don't have a large group of people I know to split them up. I think if anyone thinks it's "bad" for a family to throw a shower for their daughter/sister/granddaughter then that's just---plain stupid and I think it's kind of snooty.  Where I come from people are not all caught up in that stuff and would never think twice that someone in the family was throwing the bride her shower/other party.

I'm killing this thread.